I think of mothers as being kind of like a religious community--and, as in any religious community, you want to steer away from the wild-eyed fanatics, the Fundamentalists and the proselytizers. But, as in a genuine religious community, you can also find immense strength, comfort and healing. The problem too many moms have today--and I think it's primarily a problem of a tiny core of extremely affluent moms--is this sense of "how do I make sure my darling child gets the best of everything." I pity a child who gets the best of everything--but, aside from that, these moms are creating insane expectations for themselves and for their kids. And yet, this is a form of fear, and fear is the most highly contagious of emotions. I have a good friend--Sarah in the book--who lives in Chevy Chase and she occasionally gets w/ me for a reality check; in her neighborhood, it's not unusual for the mother of a four-year-old to be hiring a reading tutor for her child, because the kid is obviously so "late" to read. Sarah has to e-mail me and say, "Is this sick?" and, because I live in a much less affluent neighborhood--bordering between middle-class and working class--I don't get this crap loaded on me so much, so I can say, "Yes, it is sick."

How do you get support? I think you have to choose your peer group carefully. and you just have to steer clear [of those who are] victims of our culture, and they are carriers of the virus--the virus of materialism and me-first and consumer lust and all that. You just have to be really clear about what your values are and stay grounded. There are plenty of other moms out there who want very similar things for their kids, and you just have to find them.

Depression and poverty and motherhood are practically synonymous, in my opinion, and I based this purely on anecdotal evidence from reporting on welfare reform for the Washington Post and seeing a lot of dire poverty up close. These women just deal, and many of them deserve the Nobel Prize just for getting through the day. It is no surprise to me that many of them self medicate (lots of affluent women self-medicate--the only difference tends to be the choice of drugs).

Some of the coping mechanisms will work, no matter what demographic you're talking about. Meditations/prayer or whatever you want to call it is do-able no matter what your income level. Exercise is problematical if you live in a dicey area and don't have money for a gym membership, and that is tragic (and let's not even talk about the kids who never get outside because it's just too dangerous). Decent medical care? Very, very hard to find for anybody; in some ways, if you qualify for a sliding fee counseling arrangement, you might end up better off than somebody with standard health insurance, but that's by no means a given. IF they can get themselves to a shrink, they often can find that drug companies have programs (little publicized) that offer free or vastly reduced medications to people who can't afford to buy them and/or who don't have health insurance. Of course, you have to have enough savvy to ask and enough self-confidence to keep on asking for this stuff, but it can be done. On the plus side, people in poorer circumstances often have support networks equal to or superior to those of their middle-class sisters in spacious suburbia, if only because poverty forces you to depend on other people (and vice versa). And of course reading and educating yourself about depression--that's available in public libraries.

So it's possible for some things to work. But, this is a book that remains to be written.