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Father's Day: What Dads Really Want & Think About the Holiday

Published 06.02.2009 | Permanent Link | Comments (2)

By Torrie of I Pretty Much Hate Everything

I interviewed three of the most outspoken Daddy-Bloggers to get their honest opinions about Father’s Day. What they say might surprise you.

Meet the Dads
Brian Sargent is a stay-at-home dad of three girls in a house with one bathroom. He has a bar of soap, a razor, and a bucket in the corner of his basement that he calls his "special place." Nobody is allowed to talk to him when he's in his "special place." He writes Looky, Daddy! and nothing else because he's a stay-at-home dad of three girls in a house with one bathroom. His kids are 8, 4 and 4.

Danny Evans is the author of Rage Against The Meshugenah (NAL, Aug. 2009), a humorous memoir about his struggle with clinical depression. He also writes DadGoneMad, where for six years he has chronicled his life as a father, a husband, and a dismal failure at many aspects of life. Danny has been a contributor to Men's Health, Details, Good Housekeeping, and numerous national and regional publications. He lives in Southern California with his wife and their two children (ages 6 and 8).

Doug French began his blog Laid-Off Dad after he was laid off from his monolithic employer in May 2003. The layoff was long, demoralizing, and laden with stress and penury, but it also gave him 15 months of hands-on parenting that he’d never trade. Currently biding his time between layoffs, Doug is now a single father and co-founder (with his sons, ages 7 and 4) of the Three French Men. His writing has appeared in blogs as divergent as MamaPop and Blogging Stocks, as well as in the anthologies Things I Learned About My Dad, edited by Heather Armstrong; Sleep Is for the Weak, edited by Rita Arens; and the upcoming Kirtsy Takes a Bow, edited by Laura Mayes.


Tell us about your favorite Father's Day, so far.

Brian The one in which none of my kids roll on the floor in anger. It hasn't happened yet, but here's hoping!

Doug Father’s Days tend to blur into each other, year after year. They’re always a great time, but none really stands out in history. Last year, though, my brother-on-law organized a canoe trip for three generations of men in the family, and it was terrific. A whole day of sun, relaxation, and Farts Without Reproach. I smell a new family tradition. Literally.

fathers_day_baseball.jpg
Photo by Kimberly*


What do you think is a big misconception or stereotype about what men want to do, or the gifts they want on Father's Day?

Brian I think it's interesting that the spin on Father's Day is different from Mother's Day. For Mother's Day, we reward moms for being moms. We give them thanks and a break from their busy momming duties. Father's Day is, in contrast, a chance for dads to take a break from other things and be with their families. They grill, have a picnic, throw a ball with the kids, stuff like that. Family-oriented stuff. It reflects a very traditional family archetype, one that isn't necessarily as valid today as it was ten or twenty years ago. But most of all, it results in a holiday in which I don't go to a spa, but my wife does. Which sucks.

Danny I know this is going to be an unpopular answer, but all those gifts that Timmy and Sally made at school with markers and dried macaroni and big, squishy gobs of Elmer's glue? Not cool. Kind of lame, actually. The sentiment is perfect -- we WANT to be loved by our kids -- but that love comes through just as well in an iPhone or a pair of tickets to the ballgame.

Doug That we’re okay with being grouped in with “grads.” Seriously. Mother’s Day season is all mothers, all the time. But fathers have to share the spotlight with a bunch of beer-gutted fratboys whose greatest accomplishment is to have made it through the night without vomiting over a balcony. I’ve been a dad, and I’ve been a grad. And even if I pursued three concurrent Ph.D.’s in Particle Physics, Neuropsychology, and The History of Every Meal Ever Eaten by Anybody, being a dad would still be more challenging. And much more rewarding.

fathersdayshirtcard18.jpg
Photo by Skip to My Lou

Tell us the best Father's Day gift you've ever received.

Brian When we became parents, my wife and I decided that Father's Day (and Mother's Day) gifts should be something small and heartfelt, but most of all made by the kids, so none of them.

Danny A napkin holder made of two paper plates colored with markers and decorated with glued-on macaroni. (wink, wink)

Doug I’ll go you one better. Here’s the Father’s Day gift I’d like to receive. It looks like a wrapped necktie box, but when I open it there’s only a handwritten note from my boys saying how much they love me. The four-year-old’s is more of a jagged smudge, but I believe his testimony.

fathers_day_gift_basket.png
Photo by Eleni's Cookies


Describe your perfect Father's Day.

Brian I think it would be really, really awesome to sleep until at least 8 AM. If I could get that, everything else would be cake.

Danny The correct answer is lay on the couch, watch sports, and drink beer. Any man who says otherwise is probably only sporting one ball.

Doug I’m the wrong person to ask about this, because day-to-day hands-on parenting makes me really happy. A couple months ago I stayed with the boys in Mama’s apartment while she left town for a week. Five weekdays of cooking, cleaning, and playgrounding. Picking up and dropping off. Wiping. And it was an absolute blast. So I guess since I can’t do that stuff as much as I’d like, my perfect Father’s Day would include more drudgery.


Do you like to celebrate Father's Day, or do you think it's just another “made up” holiday?

Brian I'll be completely honest. I don't like Father's Day. I mean, I'm not a big fan of holidays to begin with, and I like arbitrary made-up holidays even less, but really, Father's Day? Like what you need when you have a kid is another thing to worry about?

Danny It's a "Hallmark holiday," just like Administrative Professionals' Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day, and Walk Around With No Pants On Day.

Doug We absolutely did when I was married. Parents work damn hard, and every mom and dad deserves at least one day of cheesy sentiment per year. But my focus has changed now that my marriage is over and I don’t live with my boys. Now, every day with the kids is Father’s Day. And I celebrate each one.

Comments (2):

Suzanne said:

Dads, pick the cookies. The cookies look great.

Posted on June 3, 2009 15:22

CK Lunchbox said:

I think if my kids were to give me those cookies they'd all have bite-shaped chunks taken out of them.

It's definitely a Hallmark Holiday, just like Mother's Day. It lets people off the hook from showing their appreciation to Moms and Dads year round. And the cards suck... they're all so damn cheesy. Having Father's Day once a year allows enough time for us to forget the card we sent last year had the same inscription as the one we're looking at in the card store this year: "To The Greatest Dad In The World." I mean greatest dad in the world? I think that's a relative comparison.

Posted on June 7, 2009 11:42

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About this column

This is a year-round Holiday column. Kids love Holidays. As parents we have come to appreciate how Holidays seem to help structure our lives. Plus, any excuse to have fun sounds good to us!

We'll admit it, now that we're parents, we secretly look for Holidays to celebrate and between National, Secular, Unofficial and Bizarre Holidays, we think there are enough days out there to keep us inspired every week.

This column will be a place where you can get inspiration for how to enjoy time with your kids. Crafting projects and ideas will be posted on Thursdays by our brilliant contributors (see below). Other fun ideas will be posted here throughout the week as the inspiration hits us!

About our Craft Contributors

Ellen Baker Bio Ellen Luckett Baker is the author of the long thread, a blog about handmade goods. She has always enjoyed making things, but the flexibility of staying at home with her two daughters along with the creative inspiration they provide has led her to craft on a daily basis. Combining her love of graphic design and sewing, she has created an Etsy shop selling machine embroidery designs and sewing patterns.

Ellen lives in Atlanta with her husband and two young daughters. She holds a B.A. in Art History and a Master's of Public Administration with a focus in Non-Profit Management.

Cindy Hopper BioCindy Hopper was fortunate to be raised in a family who appreciated the arts. This background led to a Bachelor's Degree in Art Education. With a keen eye for design and color, Cindy has continued her love of art and is now passing her creative skills on to her three children. Cindy's family and friends are the beneficiaries of her passion for fun and meaningful creative projects. Cindy's personal blog, Skip to My Lou, has taken her love of a project to new levels. Postings keep the family busy -– from testing new recipes for holiday treats to designing and building floats for a neighborhood parade to making fabric rolls to hold crayons to creating themed parties. Cindy seems to have an unending supply of ideas for gifts, parties and rainy days.

Marie LeBaron Bio Marie LeBaron is a 30 something stay at home mom in Utah. Before life as a mother, she graduated with a teaching degree in Early Childhood & Elementary Education, after which she taught four years of Kindergarten. After her first child was born, she decided to read books and sing silly songs at home. She misses the classroom, but she now gets to bring the fun and learning into her home and ours. You’ll see her kids a lot in these projects as they are her guinea pigs and for whom she's creative. You can follow more of her projects at her personal blog Make and Takes.

Brenda Ponnay Bio Brenda Ponnay is a stealthy secret agent who juggles parenthood to her adorable daughter by day and freelance graphic design by night. Whether it's painting, baking, drawing, making castles out of card board boxes or just doing the laundry with flair, Brenda Ponnay has finally discovered (at the ripe old age of thirty-six) that what really makes her happy is being creative every single day.

Brenda lives in Southern California with her husband, daughter, three cats and thirty-seven pet birds. You can read about all her crazy adventures on her personal blog: Secret Agent Josephine.

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This column is only for entertainment purposes. Any recommendations or information provided herein should not be used as a substitute for advice by a trained professional. For a full statement of our site policies, please click here.


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