Week Twenty-Nine

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Published 08.05.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (5)

Your Baby:

• Is big and strong enough to resemble a sinister alien thrashing around your abdomen, as my husband kindly pointed out recently, upon noticing a rouge pointy elbow jabbing up and down around my belly button.


• Is sucking up every drop of calcium you can provide as his or her bones continue to harden and become more...uh...bone-like.


• DID I MENTION THE POINTY JABBING? WITH THE SHARP LITTLE BONES?

You:

• Might start noticing a resurgence of first-trimester-type symptoms like heartburn and other gastrointestinal issues. Things are getting a BIT crowded in there, and the lack of room means slower digestion and more gas and constipation and woe.


• Are gaining weight. I don't know or care to look up what the "recommended" amount is at this stage, but most likely you are starting to notice a steady upward movement of that little thingie on your doctor's scale. If you've been using pregnancy as a dietary sweet tooth free-for-all, now might be a good time to start reining it in and focusing on healthy foods and portions instead of "BABY NEEDS CAKE AND A TUB OF FROSTING ON THE SIDE."

Sex During Pregnancy
So you know how almost EVERY movie about pregnancy and childbirth contains a "hilarious" scene where the knocked-up couple attempt to have sex? And how it almost ALWAYS ends with one or both of them freaking out over fears that the male will poke the baby's eye out with his penis or some other scenario that demonstrates either a 1) terrible grasp on the internal female anatomy, or an 2) EXTREMELY inflated opinion on the length of said penis?

I have no patience for these scenes. Even before I ever got pregnant, I knew enough about the vagina/cervix/womb layout to know that sex does not hurt, scare or inconvenience a fetus in any way (provided your pregnancy is, for the most part, complication free).

And yet it's taken me WEEKS to work up the squeamish resolve to write openly about the S-E-X during the P-R-E-G-N-A-N-C-Y, because...well, let's face it. Even without the old penis-shaped head-dent jokes, pregnancy sex does pose a few challenges, especially here in the jolly third trimester.

THE GOOD: Well, a LOT of pregnant women report a nice libido spike, particularly as the misery of the first trimester fades. And this spike is often accompanied by increased wetness AND sensitivity down there. (And by down there I mean in your V-A-G-I-N-A. My God, don't I sound like a prude). Your boobs also benefit from some added sensitivity, and contrary to the stick-figures-who-probably-don't-even-menstruate in the fashion mags, most men (and women, hell) are wired to actually prefer the soft womanly curves that accompany pregnancy. You might FEEL fat and beached-whaley, but your partner probably thinks you've never looked sexier.

THE BAD: Well. You still might feel fat and beached-whaley. You may be able to admire yourself in the mirror with wonder and awe, but getting naked and friction-happy with another person can turn that wonder and awe into self-consciousness and embarrassment. The sensitivity can sometimes be too much. (My husband loves my pregnant boobs, but I want to punch anyone who touches them.) And then there's the bloody LOGISTICS. Your favorite positions might not work anymore, and trying to find comfortable alternatives can feel a bit like playing Tetris. AND, fine, you might know for a fact that sex during pregnancy is fine and normal and safe, but there is still the mental barrier of THE CHILD in your uterus being all...THERE and PRESENT and VULNERABLE. "That WAS a lot of jostling," you might think afterwards, while you dash to the bathroom for the dozenth time to examine some mysterious post-sex leakage. (With your cervix and uterus tightly sealed and closed off, there's...ahem...kind of nowhere else for semen to go but...right back out. I wish someone had told me that. So much for my haughty knowledge of my own girl-parts.)

Obviously, we modern girls have plenty of ways to muddle through pregnancy sex. There's more to the bedroom life than the missionary position, oral sex is practically vanilla these days and yeah, I'm happy to accept a little battery-powered help. So yes, let us all bask in the gentle maternal glow of this wonderful time in our lives, but let us also not forget to get our freak on, or whatever it is the kids call it these days. (And by "it" I mean O-R-G-A-S-M-S and can you tell that I don't write about sex that much? I am a delicate little flower. Painted by Georgia O'Keefe. You know. The ones that look like V-A-G-I-N-A-S.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, a mysterious package from Victoria's Secret was just deposited at my front door, and while I know my husband has repeatedly insisted that he finds pregnancy to be insanely sexy, I simply MUST go immediately investigate what sort of lingerie he's purchased, because frankly it boggles my mind a little bit.

Oh Yeah, THIS: I tried to paint my own toenails this week (in my customary place of on the couch, with my feet propped up on the coffee table) and was stupidly surprised when I leaned forward a little and *BLAM* my belly hit my thighs and the polish brush remained a good three inches away from my toes. (I moved to the bottom stair where I could spread my legs and dip my belly in between them. Damn, but aren't I the fancy lady.)

New This Time Around: After months of prompting and training, our efforts are finally paying off. Our babysitter reported that Noah excitedly showed her around "Baby Brother's" room. When asked where, exactly, Baby Brother is right now, he thought for a second and then pulled up his shirt. "Right there!" he announced, pointing at his belly. So...okay. Maybe he's a little hazy on some of the details, but still. It's something.

Pregnancy Video for the Week:

Maternity Style: Dressing and Staying comfortable during the 3rd Trimester

Week Twenty-Eight

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Published 07.29.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (3)

Your Baby:

• Continues to get a longer and fatter by the day. Shocking, I know. His or her weight has actually doubled in the past month alone, which is why you've probably gotten comments about "popping" recently.


• Weight is around 2.5 pounds right now, which (if you're like me, gazing in horror and your inside-out belly button and spidery stretch marks) might sound a little frightening, since the baby clearly needs to gain a LOT MORE WEIGHT before he or she is fully cooked, and oh my God, how in the world is anything bigger going to fit in there?

You:

• Are either feeling like this pregnancy will NEVER end, or that 12 more weeks is simply not nearly enough time to prepare. Or you might feel both ways, changing your mind one minute to the next.


• Must move furniture and fold clothes and organize the linen closet and replace the bathroom vanity and finally get rid of that sooty stain on the marble fireplace and yes, DARLING, these are all essential tasks that MUST be completed before the baby gets here, DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, NOW GO HANG UP SOME SHELVES.

What is Colostrum?
So I was all set to include some excited-sounding instructions that y'all go squeeze your boobs this week, in order to witness the crazy whoa-ness that is leaking colostrum, but then I decided to double-check the statistics on that one. And I'm glad I did. Turns out some of y'all have probably been able to perform that trick since your 12th week. And some don't even have to squeeze -- you just LEAK. And others won't see a drop of breastmilk until some point after giving birth.

And you're all totally normal. Last time I fretted that the fairly subtle changes in my boob size were a terrible harbinger of breastfeeding failure. And then when I started noticing the leaking watery colostrum (the very earliest fluid that your breasts produce for your baby's first few days before your "real" calorie-rich milk comes in) at some point in the early third trimester, I worried that it was a sign that my body was preparing to give birth prematurely.

(My LANDS, was there anything I didn't worry about last time?)

I didn't give birth early, but I did have an uphill struggle with breastfeeding, but it was nothing I could have predicted based on my pregnancy boob observations. Colostrum or no, dramatic growth or very little at all, I don't think anyone can really predict who is going to effortlessly pop the baby on the boob from day one and who is going to struggle and need help. (Although women who have had breast surgery -- augmentation, reduction, or other -- and those with PCOS often have more troubles than other women, and may need extra helpful support in the early weeks.)

Interview a Lactation Consultant
That's why I encourage you to add "lactation consultant" to your list of Third Trimester Folks to Interview.

By now you should have your OB or midwife set (although, frankly, it's NEVER too late to switch practices or change your mind if you don't like how you're being treated or if other circumstances change). If you plan to use a doula (either for birth or postpartum), you should start meeting and interviewing candidates now. (Check out DONA International for more information and a directory.)

Interview a Pediatrician
You'll also need to start looking for a pediatrician, if you don't have one in mind already. Most hospitals won't discharge you unless you have your first Well Baby visit scheduled, so you'll want to have your practice chosen and the number programmed into your cell phone to call once the baby is born. I found the whole pediatrician thing to be Very Stressful (surprise!), especially since all the local practices that got the best word-of-mouth and recommendations from my friends did not accept our insurance. We ended up making our choice after attending several orientations/New Parents Nights that a few local practices offered. We were able to meet doctors and tour the offices, ask questions and take home lots of information about the practice (hours, how emergencies are handled, policies on vaccines, etc.)

We also ended up selecting our pediatrician because the practice offered...ta-da...two full-time lactation consultants on staff who were available to see all newborn patients. They also offered breast pump rentals and other breastfeeding supplies at cost. Both LCs were available by phone round-the-clock for all breastfeeding mothers, with no answering service or cell phone billing hoops to jump through. I was sold.

Picking the Right Lactation Consultant for You
It turned out, in the end, that I loved ONE of the lactation consultants, but had a lot of problems with the other. Bad bedside manner, mostly, and a tendency to send mixed messages (YOUR BABY IS STARVING WE MUST GIVE HIM FORMULA FAILURE TO THRIVE OMG one visit, and WE MUST GET YOUR BABY OFF THAT EVIL FORMULA GARBAGE RIGHT NOW OMG the next). So if I could do it all over again, I would have insisted on meeting BOTH lactation consultants at the practice, and then made my appointments with the kinder, less-militant woman whose personality was a little more up my tender, postpartum alley.

Oh Yeah, THIS: Stealth urinary tract infections. I FEEL perfectly fine, but my most recent test revealed that I've actually got a doozy of a UTI. Since frequent peeing and pressing oh-dayum urgency are par for the pregnancy course, UTIs are easy to miss. So don't skip your prenatal appointments and drink plenty of water and cranberry juice. (Cue "The More You Know" rainbow and theme song.)

New This Time Around: I cannot believe I'm having a baby in two months and change. My last pregnancy seemed to go on FOREVER, and this time I really feel like I just peed on that stick a few weeks ago. And I'm surprised at how completely unprepared and SO NOT READY I feel this time. I know what I'm getting into, I guess, and the overwhelming emotion going on right now is something along the lines of OH MY EFFING CRAP.

Pregnancy Video for the Week:

- Childbirth Video-- Coping with Early Labor: Day vs. Night Strategies