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Week Twenty-Three
Published 06.24.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (17)
Your Baby:
- Is a tad bigger than last week! Are you sensing a pattern! Goodness, I never realized how boring this stretch of pregnancy is, what with the "close to a pound, just over a pound, 11 inches long, 11 2/3 inches long" comparisons week after week.
- The pancreas is kicking into gear sometime around this week, and blood vessels continue to develop in the lungs. Lung development is a Big Thing right now, since babies born around 24 weeks gestation can often survive outside the womb. 23 weeks is pretty questionable, and 24 weeks certainly isn't a peachy keen time to be born or anything, but still. If you're the morbid sort who gets a tiny bit of comfort knowing that your baby has a fighting chance If Something Terrible Were To Happen, well, there you go.
You:
- "OMG, you're so big! Are you sure it's not twins?"
- Or, alternatively: "OMG, you barely look pregnant! Are you sure you're 23 weeks?"
- SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. Thank you. No woman is ever going to appreciate your boneheaded commentary on her size and/or weight. Last time I was plagued with dire predictions of hidden twins and early labor and 14-pound babies. This time I get only-sort-of affectionately called names by other women when queried about my weight gain. Which is 1) none of your business and 2) yes, everything IS okay, my baby is growing just fine, thank you for your nosy and very annoying "concern."
- I AM ALSO CRABBY. PERHAPS YOU ARE TOO.
If there was one pregnancy symptom I hoped and prayed would skip over me this time -- more than morning sickness, more than swollen ankles and sciatic nerve pain -- it was anxiety. Terrible, intrusive, racing-brain anxiety.
It didn't skip me this time.
I'd hoped it was really the whole firstness of my first pregnancy that was to blame, but here I am again, going through the same doubts and fears and worries. When I do manage to shut off my overworked brain (money, jobs, that snippy tone of that one email, need to replace the tub, money, two babies oh my god TWO BABIES), I am plagued with really annoying anxiety dreams, of the "I have a final in a college class that I never attended but forgot to drop" and "I'm waiting tables and can't seem to get orders in and customers are storming out and/or ordering stuff that isn't on the menu and what do you MEAN I have to get soda refills from down the block?" varieties.
And then I wake up from these dreams with my mind racing as I fret about the very same things I worried about with Noah, even though I KNOW everything will be okay and work out in the end. Will I love my baby? Will he love me back? Will I get PPD? Will I be able to breastfeed? How will I cope with middle-of-the-night ear infections with a toddler and a newborn and still get any work done? Will I ever leave the house? Will I ever make some more mom friends? Will I ever be anything other than a mom again?
Here's the thing, though. Not all anxiety and depressive feelings during pregnancy should be casually swept away under the rug of Crazy Pregnant Lady Hormones. Full-blown panic attacks and major depression can happen during pregnancy, and you should always tell your doctor if you're experiencing anything like this.
Women who have previously struggled with (or have a family history of) depression and anxiety are at a higher risk for pre-partum depression, as are those who have lost pregnancies, undergone fertility treatments or are classified as a high-risk pregnancy. Major life events, like relationship problems, big moves or job changes, can also trigger anxiety far beyond a manageable level.
Having had a long rich history with regular old anxiety, I'm grateful to have a built-in set of coping mechanisms. Namely, writing, list-making (I write down everything I'm stressed about and/or putting off and then tackle it, item by item), long walks and meditation. But how do you know when that's not enough?
A lot of the depression checklists are downright laughable when applied to a pregnant woman (extreme fatigue? a desire to eat all the time? increased irritability or crying jags?), but if the feelings are unrelenting for a good two weeks -- or coupled with bleak feelings of emptiness, anxious obsessive-compulsive behaviors, thoughts of self-harm or a feeling like your baby would be better off not being born or being given to someone else -- then call your doctor right this minute. Many antidepressants can be safely taken during pregnancy, with the benefits far outweighing the risks. Talk therapy can also be extremely beneficial in helping you work through your fears and issues before the baby is born. Just SPEAK. UP. And don't let anyone disregard your feelings because you're pregnant.
And now, COMPLETELY switching gears, here's this week's registry checklist.
FEEDING
Buy Now
Buy Later
*Yes, yes. No matter what your lofty breastfeeding plans are, it's not a bad idea to have a bottle or two handy. If you know what kind of breast pump you'll be using**, get something compatible. Otherwise, ignore the big gift sets and try out a couple of the BPA-free options (Evenflo glass, Born Free, Dr. Brown's, etc.) and see what works best for you and your baby. Make sure you start with level one nipples -- your baby will let you know when it's time to move up to a higher flow with RIGHTEOUS PISSED-OFF-NESS.
**As for the sterilizers and warmers -- we loaded up on all that crap and got rid of it a few months later. Unless you don't have a dishwasher and really find warming up a pot of water to be INCREDIBLY TAXING, these might not be worth giving up your precious counter space for, particularly if you're only using bottles as an occasional supplement. (Of course, it didn't help that we tried TWO electronic bottle warmers that didn't work at all.) (For washing bottles and pump parts in between dishwasher sterilizing runs, we used a handy little plastic basin we swiped from my hospital room. LIFE LESSON: Steal everything from the hospital that is not nailed down.)
***DO NOT buy a breast pump. Rent one from the hospital or your lactation consultant. The small hand pumps are USELESS for establishing a supply, and while the Medela Pump In Style is a very good option for working mothers, you can often rent one for much cheaper and try out different models as well.
****DId you register for a bouncy seat? Use it for those first cereal and solid feedings instead of some giant plastic monstrosity. Wait until your little one can sit up unassisted to pick out a high chair -- your options will be MUCH smaller, more streamlined and better looking.
Don't forget to visit Amalah's Pregnancy Calendar from Week 22 when she starts the baby registry discussion.
Pregnancy Videos for the Week:- How to Minimize the risk of Postpartum Depression
- Women with unrealistic expectations of motherhood may be at increased risk for postpartum depression
- Women with an "A-Type" personality may be at increased risk for postpartum depression.
- Learn to minimize the risk of postpartum depression. You can do things now.
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About this column
Zero to Forty is a week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. New installments will be published on Wednesdays, with other pregnancy-related content and ramblings to be published whenever the columnist can stay awake long enough to type themzzzzzz.
The column is well-researched but not written by a health care professional. Consider it your internet BFF pregnancy guide. See our legal disclaimer below.
About the author
Amy Corbett Storch, aka Amalah, is a freelance writer and professional blogger from Washington, DC. She is currently knocked up with her second child, due in October. Her first child is still currently wearing diapers. Amy is currently wondering what she has gotten herself into now.
Amy also writes Alpha Mom's Advice Smackdown.
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The Zero to Forty masthead and illustrations were created by the artist Brenda Ponnay aka Secret Agent Josephine. Brenda is very talented and these images are copyright-protected. You should hire her!
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Comments (17):
Olivia said:
I am loving your purchase suggestions. I had no idea breast pumps can be rented. That totally rocks my small budget world!
Posted on June 25, 2008 09:11
Michelle said:
GARGH! SMASH!
I went to a family function this weekend and EVERYONE kept saying how I was 'huge' compared to my cousin (her first, my second, she's due a month before me) and I just wanted to kill them all. WHY would you say that to someone, especially given that she was a tiny little thing before and I was NOT! Also, my second, HELLO! Sigh.
Posted on June 25, 2008 09:19
Elizabeth said:
While a hand pump isn't good for establishing supply, it does have its place. I used the hospital pump in the hospital when they told me (wrongly) that I couldn't nurse for the first 48 hours (punks). But I knew I wasn't going back to work right away and would only need to pump the occasional bottle, so before the baby had arrived I'd bought the Medela Harmony and it was so good to have when I was dealing with issues of extreme engorgement where the baby couldn't latch. Pumping off an ounce or so of milk didn't make my supply go any crazier than it already was and made it possible to actually nurse the baby.
If you or your partner work for a huge employer, check out all their maternity policies carefully. Some will actually subsidize the cost of a good pump because they want you to be coming back to work. (We could have gotten the Pump In Style for $150--still a fair bit of money, but way better than full price, and probably less than the cost of renting.)
Um, okay, I'll stop now.
Posted on June 25, 2008 10:00
MrsHaley said:
I'm going to defy the Gods of Sterility and reveal that I got my Medela PIS, used, on Ebay for $150. I brought all new parts so nothing that touched the other person's baby or skin touched my baby or skin. Surprisingly, neither one of us died of a horrible pump-borne infection!
Shocking, I know.
I did EBF and even so, I still used it a lot, even as a SAHM. My freezer was stocked with breastmilk like I was preparing for Armageddon. DD was still eating/drinking breastmilk for quite a while after she weaned at 13 months (weaned herself because I got pg). I HIGHLY recommend getting one ASAP and learning how to use it before baby arrives (it takes practice). A hand pump, too -- for alleviating engorgement just prior to latching.
Sorry, Amy.
Posted on June 25, 2008 13:27
Becca said:
Best comment I ever received was last week in the security line at the airport: "You're not trying to sneak anything in in there are ya?"
Ditto on the high chair. I kind of wish we'd gone straight for the kind you strap onto a chair, but I am glad we didn't go for the reclines to a thousand different positions, takes up almost your entire kitchen floor variety.
I've been enjoying your sensible buying list!
Posted on June 25, 2008 14:28
Jessica said:
Laughing hysterically at this one... with my daughter I was HUGE... I'm not as big this time around but people still feel the need to go Oh you MUST be due ANY MINUTE now when actually THANKS BUT NO NOT FOR 14 &%$@%$ WEEKS LIKE I NEEDED TO BE REMINDED WHAT A COW I AM. Or my sister, whom normally I love dearly but am not horribly fond of right now going No really sweetie you don't look pregnant at all! The hell I don't, because if I don't look pregnant then that just means YE GADS I LOOK FAT ...(I'm not and I know it, but, jeez people SHUT IT!) No, I'm not sure what crabiness and anxiety you're talking about... cause I'm FINE. JUST PEACHY.
Posted on June 25, 2008 15:42
Erin said:
As the mom of a 3 month old (with a 3 year old big brother) I wanted to chime in on the list of things to buy, as someone who is currently test driving this stuff all over again.
1) Bottles - as a note for 2nd time moms, Babies R Us is currently letting you exchange your evil BPA bottles for less toxic versions. Just did this today - was very easy.
2) Nursing wrap - I used my old pashmina in March-April (yay - a use for it!) and am now using a sarong now that it is hotter. I find the nursing wraps to make women look like they are wearing an actual pup tent, and after having a baby, that is the last thing anyone needs.
3) I have a Medela Pump in Style and still rented the hospital pump for the first month. The hospital one is quieter, nicer to your nipples and equals the babies sucking (which retail-bought ones do not), and it was helpful when my son took chunks of flesh from me during the first week. (So Amy, no, it seems that still happens the 2nd time around - I was hoping BF had toughened me up some.)
4) I really like the fabric breast pads. This would be another item I would suggest buying a few samples of to see what you like - I find the paper ones like sandpaper on my sensitive girl parts.
5) I would also add "nursing bra" to your list, and bring one to the hospital - the girls get really big, really fast. Of course, I haven't not worn a nursing bra in nearly 4 months now...
6) Instead of people buying you a swing for your shower, could they maybe pool resources and get you some Elizabeth Arden certificates instead? Because some post-partum massages are REALLY an essential item.
Posted on June 25, 2008 16:19
Hey You said:
Yay for everything but the pump. If people are going to nurse very long at all, then BUY YOUR OWN PUMP. A nice one. A good pump can make all the difference between BF success or not for working moms. I was a WOHM and am now the SAHM of an almost two year old and I still use my pump occasionally. It was the best/most important purchase I made. I have the Medela PISA, and LOVE it.
Posted on June 25, 2008 18:04
Jess said:
I just have to put in a vote for buying a pump if you're going back to work (but you can wait until after the baby is born and you've determined that you will, in fact, be breastfeeding/pumping).
I think when I worked the numbers, it made sense to buy my own rather than rent as long as I breastfed for at least 6 months. Going on 11 months now, so I'm glad I didn't rent.
The pump I bought, after much research, was the Avent Isis IQ Duo. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. Did I mention I LOVE it? I have used the hospital-grade Medela (harmony or something like that - not sure of the model name) and it was SO uncomfortable compared to my Avent pump.
I did find that I wished I had saved myself $100 and gotten the single pump instead of the double, but that's something you can't know until later on, so I guess it's better to err on the side of caution if you can afford it.
Posted on June 25, 2008 22:17
Erica said:
Yes, yes, exclusive breastfeeders like me, get the bottles.
Both my children were slow to start nursing and would have starved for a week with great crying and not sleeping without a little pediatrician mandated supplementing while the pump and I worked on our supply issues.
But more than that, I've many friends who never gave their child a bottle and never pumped and therefore never left the house alone until their children were weaned. They usually speak of that choice with wry "boy, we didn't think that through, I didn't have a date with my wife for 5 years straight" regret. We HAD to teach our kids to eat from bottles as well as my breasts because I HAD to go back to work, however, even if I didn't I would still pump once a day just to make sure my children would take a bottle so that babysitters and other loved family members and friends can join in the fun baby-feeding play while my husband and I (or even just me by myself!) steal away for an occasional set of hours without kids.
Just my two cents.
Very worth it to help your infant learn "nipple flexibility."
:D
Posted on June 26, 2008 15:01
silver said:
The dishwasher doesn't actually sterilize things. For most babies, that isn't actually a problem. But if you have a premie (or your baby has a compromised immune system for other reasons) or you have to battle thrush, you really should get a sterilizer.
My son and I had thrush and I (per the doctor and the lactation consultant) had to sterilize everything that touched my nipples, my milk, or my baby's mouth. So pump parts, bottles, pacifiers, etc had to be sterilized several times a day. Did you know that you have to boil for at least 10 minutes to properly sterilize things (preferably 20)? By the time I would pump, bottle feed, and sterilize, it would be time to start all over again! I loved my microwave steam sterilizer during that time. Yes, I could have nursed him and it would have been quicker, but I had thrush and open sores on my nipples--I needed to pump for a week to let them heal before letting baby barracuda back on them.
Posted on June 27, 2008 20:04
kathrynaz said:
Amen to the plain ole gerber type cloth diapers.... they never make it onto anybody's registry- yet they are the best kept secret of motherhood! So, if you invite me to a shower- I'm bringing em. Spit up- covered... stray poop on the changing table... covered... coffee spill by bleary eyed parent- covered.
I've been known to accost first time mom's in babies r us with my fanaticism over this overlooked item...
Posted on June 27, 2008 20:57
Mrs. Flinger said:
Dude. If I had one ounce of ooomph in my not-at-all-pregers self that you have building an entire human being, what with your awesomeness writing and the incredible advice (thank you, because the anxiety piece still hits home to me even to this day), then I'd be a friggin' superhero.
Posted on June 29, 2008 10:55
jessica said:
Just a heads up: Check with your hospital regarding renting pumps. I had planned on renting one, but found out that my hospital did nto rent them, at all, ever. and neither did any hospital in the county we lived in. So, just make sure you check with your hospital early so you have time to find a good pump if you can't rent one.
Posted on July 2, 2008 12:36
Liz said:
Re: the highchair when they first start eating. We had a bouncy seat, but found that using a Bumbo worked better for us for those early baby food feedings. Luckily, I love the highchair that we registered for and were given before he was born, but we didn't even take it out of the box till our son was 7 months old, maybe 8.
Posted on July 2, 2008 12:57
Karen said:
I really thought the "OMG you're so big/OMG you're hardly showing" thing would not happen to me. But it did. It really did. In the past week I have been accused of being bigger than my grandmother EVER was with any of her pregnancies, having surprise twins, and "barely looking pregnant".
The hilarious thing was the (8 months pregnant) woman who told me I "barely look pregnant" and that I "could just have put on a few" then turned around and complained about people saying SHE was huge because "Hi, that's NOT a compliment!"
I nod, I smile, I back away slowly.
Posted on August 5, 2008 11:43
charlotte said:
Wow. Your shopping list rocks. As a first-timer, I am feeling completely overwhelmed by what to buy and what not to buy, but I'm going to print that list out and go shopping this weekend.
THANK YOU!!!
Posted on August 20, 2008 07:59