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Week Thirty-Six
Published 09.24.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (8)
Your Baby:
- Is six pounds. SIX. POUNDS. You probably have clothes in your house that already fit a six-pound baby.
- Is still not fully cooked yet, even though MOST babies born at this point will do just fine. But the lungs are better off with a couple more weeks of maturity.
- The size of your baby will start displacing amniotic fluid over the final few weeks. As the fluid gets reabsorbed into your body, you may notice that your baby's movements feel "different." You might not feel as many kicks as you used to, or the sensations are just...well, "different." It's mostly because of the cramped quarters in there and less fluid.
You:
- Are not done yet. I am sorry.
- Have gained 25 to 30 pounds, according to the books, which also say that it's "not unusual" for your weight to remain unchanged between weekly OB appointments. Say it with me: SHUT UP, BOOKS.
Can we talk about false labor? I've had it with false labor. I think false labor should shut up, curl up and die. And then set itself on fire.
I never had false labor last time. Oh sure, I had plenty of Braxton-Hicks contractions here and there. One time I actually had three whole contractions in a row and got super excited, but even that was over and done with in about 20 minutes.
This pregnancy, though. Gaaaaaaah. I'm petrified of being That Woman who becomes utterly convinced she's in labor and shows up at the hospital ready to have herself a darn baby, only to be sent home because it was a false alarm. (Seriously, I'm having anxiety dreams about that -- one dream involved a nurse telling me I was 3 centimeters dilated and an anesthesiologist inserting the epidural...right before my doctor showed up and announced that no, I WASN'T dilated at all, and then he yanked the epidural out and told me to go home.)
No, when I say "false labor" I mean an hours-long song-and-dance that does a PRETTY GOOD JOB of imitating the real thing. Regular, steady contractions. Five minutes apart. That keep coming whether you're lying down or standing up or chugging water or...or...eating an entire bag of Halloween candy. You know, in case it's just a bunch of those chocolate-deficiency contractions all the kids are talking about.
Last night, as I entered hour two or three of steady and extremely uncomfortable uterine activity, I packed my hospital bag and ordered my husband to round up all our camera batteries and cell phone chargers and tried to calmly figure out what in the WORLD we were supposed to do with our toddler in the middle of the night, with our on-call family members being up in BOSTON for the week, since why not? I'm more than three weeks away from my due date, we won't need them yet! Ha ha! Silly humans.
Needless to say, I am still pregnant. We did not drop our son off on anyone's doorstep, ring a doorbell and scream WE OWE YOU ONE at the bleary-eyed friend who answered before driving off to the hospital. The contractions tapered off sometime after midnight, and while my husband poked me awake several times throughout the night to make sure the baby and I were still okay ("WE'RE FINE. WE'RE SLEEPING. RAWR."), there is no real indication that I will experience the real thing before my appointed time in a few weeks.
So...how DO you tell the false labor from the real thing? Sometimes, it's really hard. While I love to make fun of movies' portrayals of pregnant women (you know, where EVERYBODY'S water breaks ultra-dramatically before they've even had a single contraction, or a woman feels one small twinge in her abdomen and announces that, without a doubt, "IT'S TIME!" and everybody rushes off like chickens with their heads cut off towards the hospital), I can totally see how and why women DO end up at the hospital over false alarms. But here are a few indicators that might help you figure out if you're experiencing false labor:
1) Your contractions are not coming at regular intervals, or are not consistent in their intensity or length. If one contraction has you doubled over in pain, but the next one is more of a mild twinge, and then the next one is really long but somewhere in between the first two on the pain scale, it's probably not active labor.
2) You don't notice any progression in the timing or pain of your contractions. My doctor told me flat-out that he wouldn't consider sending me to the hospital unless I was having contractions at three minutes apart for at least an hour. (Your doctor might have a different standard -- be sure to ASK if you don't know.) So even though my contractions started at five minutes apart, I waited. And waited. And they remained steady at five minutes apart, and they were not getting more painful or intense as the hours went by. In "real" labor, contractions get steadily closer together and more painful as your cervix dilates. Holding-pattern contractions generally mean there's nothing going on with your cervix, so just stay home and ride it out.
3) Your contractions stop and start, or change depending on what you're doing. The first rule of Braxton-Hicks contractions is to LIE DOWN, PUT YOUR FEET UP, DRINK WATER. This usually causes things to settle down. I continued to contract while lying down for awhile, but eventually I did get a brief 20-minute reprieve. They started up again and were more painful once I started walking around, which also told me that, no matter how nice it would be to have a baby already, it wasn't gonna happen that night.
4) You haven't passed the mucus plug or noticed any bloody show. At some point -- usually right before labor begins or at the onset of actual active labor -- you'll notice a fairly substantial amount of pink or blood-tinged mucus come out your vagina, often times after using the bathroom. It's...uh...hard to miss. I lost most of the mucus plug about 24 hours before going into labor last time, and then continued to lose more and more of it once labor really got going. (This is what gets called bloody show, which is just...exactly what it sounds like, and one of the many reasons you may notice that us mom types tend to lose most of our sense of shame after giving birth. I mean, once you've left a trail of THAT across a clean hospital floor in front of your husband and family members and God and everybody else, it's hard to imagine caring about a silly thing like DIGNITY anymore.)
5) Your water hasn't broken. This one is probably the least useful, however, because contrary to what the movies show, only about 10% of women actually experience the dramatic gush of fluid before labor begins. Usually you'll know you're in labor by the time it happens, or your practitioner will break your water for you with a big crochet-hook-like thing. So...this one is more of an indication that you ARE in real, active labor. (Although...GAH. I have also spent a lot of time Googling "how can i tell if my water has broken or if this is just more assorted pregnancy fluids of mystery?") (Surprise! Just more assorted pregnancy fluids of mystery.)
Childbirth Videos:- Is it "False Labor"? Why calling it "Practice Labor" is more accurate
- Is it "False Labor"? Pre-term Labor vs. False Labor
- Is it "False Labor"? Why prenatal care is so important
- Is it "False Labor"? Why staying hydrated is so important.
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About this column
Zero to Forty is a week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it. New installments will be published on Wednesdays, with other pregnancy-related content and ramblings to be published whenever the columnist can stay awake long enough to type themzzzzzz.
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Amy Corbett Storch, aka Amalah, is a freelance writer and professional blogger from Washington, DC. She is currently knocked up with her second child, due in October. Her first child is still currently wearing diapers. Amy is currently wondering what she has gotten herself into now.
Amy also writes Alpha Mom's Advice Smackdown.
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Comments (8):
Emily said:
Don't be TOO afraid of hospital checks when you think you might be in labor:
http://itsababynotbrainsurgery.blogspot.com/2008/03/i-know-what-youre-thinking.html
EIGHTY-ONE LABOR CHECKS. And this is just one particular hospital. Showing up once or twice and being sent home? NOTHING compared to EIGHTY-ONE LABOR CHECKS.
Posted on September 24, 2008 13:28
WabiSabiLife said:
25-30lbs? Hahahahaha!!! I *WISH*!! Last feb. I was 133. Yesterday? 184.4. I am due the same week as Amalah, which means I still have apx. 3 1/2 weeks to go.
god, I'm so achey....
Posted on September 24, 2008 21:15
Charlie said:
Gah, at 36 weeks I was ready to be done. Labor ended up coming the day after I hit 37 weeks. And there are days I wish my little were average in size she was 9lbs at three weeks early. And no worries about going in to the hospital. Sadly we went in to have the baby checked the night before I went into labor.
Posted on September 25, 2008 01:23
Karen said:
Heh, I was one of *those* women, who is convinced she was in labor (my doula agreed with me!), went to the hospital, triage nurse checks me, says "You're 4 cm dilated" and I was all, "WOOT!" Got checked in, and....no progress. My doctor gently said that we could either a) use pitocin to speed things along, or b) i could opt to go home, see if things sped up and spend more labor time in the comfort of my own home.
I went home, bawling not because I hadn't had a baby, but because I had put everybody (doula, family members, sitter) through all that bother.
At my next OB appointment, found out that the nurse messed up, that I was only 1 cm dilated. I remember flinging my heavily-pregnant upper torso upright on the exam table and yelling "WHAT THE HELL!?"
One week later, I was induced because a) big babies run in the family and b) I was so done, dear Lord.
it's not the worst, being one of those ladies. A bit humblig, but not the worst.
Posted on September 25, 2008 08:01
Kate B. said:
I probably shouldn't post this, but it all happened backwards for me. I suspected that the "assorted pregnancy fluids of mystery" had changed, subtly, but thought I was being paranoid due to over-Googling pregnancy symptoms. I shared my concern with my mother-in-law, however, and she was worried enough that I decided to go to the doctor just to make HER feel better. My doctor was slightly patronizing, agreeing to test for amniotic fluid leakage to "make me feel better," and surprise! It really WAS amniotic fluid! The startled doctor send me to the hospital immediately, and 11 short hours later, I had a baby girl.
We actually had the baby the night of our last childbirth preparation class. Now that we know she is absolutely healthy, I am so glad she came early (not least of the reasons is that she weighed in at 6 lb 9 oz a MONTH before her due date). It was strange because I never got to experience the impatience/anticipation, since it seemed like a month was a LOOONG ways away. I hadn't packed my hospital bag, and we hadn't even agreed on a name!
It is hard to believe that instead of going in for my 38 week check-up tomorrow, I'll be bringing her in for HER 2 week check-up!
Posted on September 25, 2008 14:33
Shaunna said:
Karen:
I've learned in my childbirth prep classes that you can reverse dilate. So maybe somebody did not mess up. You actually can be 4 cm and then later be only 1 cm. Who knows. Just a thought.
Posted on September 26, 2008 11:06
Crystal said:
Ok, here's my embarrassing tale.
I lost my mucus plug and FREAKED OUT because I was only 32 weeks along.
I call my OB, and am informed that
-A-without blood it doesn't really mean anything
-B-Please dear god don't save it and bring it in to show us
-C-No,REALLY, it doesn't mean you're going into labor anytime soon.
-D-It GROWS BACK
-E-You can lose it multiple times
eep
Two weeks later I'm still super pregnant, have lost a second mucus plug, and am equally grossed out by having seen what looked like a giant booger come out of my vagina.
Posted on September 26, 2008 16:23
Stephanie said:
Its so hard knowing when its really going to happen. So after my last child I told myself I wasnt going to assemble the troops until I was sure. After 2 false alarms trying to find babysitters at 9pm for my 2 little boys I decided it was enough. Best advice for people is to call people when you think you might, just to give them a heads up to keep the phone with them. Thats what I plan on doing this time.
Posted on October 3, 2008 08:53