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The Every-Other-Month Cycle Blues

Published 05.09.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (3)

Hiya Amy,

Since google is our best, and worst of friends...You are the one I thought to turn to regarding fertility, ovulation etc...

I am 21, started having periods when I was 14-and they have continued to be pretty normal/regular since. I went on birth control (the pill) when I was 17, switched to the ring, and now have gone off of it altogether since November. I'm not exactly trying to conceive-but we aren't trying not to-if you get what I mean.

So here is the problem-my periods have been coming (and not coming) every other month. I've googled this and found that women are going on about how one ovary may not be producing an egg, but I've also read that sometimes it just takes a really long time to get back into the normal cycle after birth control.

I know that I should just go to the doctor to sort this out, that he'll most likely give me a pill to jump start my periods and get them regular again, but I've just been kind of waiting for them to sort themselves out. (I'm in a new place, don't have my own doctor...nervous about finding a new one to gawk at my bits)

Do you have any advice for me? Did it take long for you to regulate after birth control? Is there any natural remedy I could try to get those dreaded periods back again?

Thanks so much, Amy!
-e.

You need to find a doctor. Even if you have no intention of going back on birth control and "know" that's just what they're gonna give you, you still need to find one. So you aren't officially trying...but not trying not to...trust me, many women manage to get themselves perfectly knocked up with just one functioning ovary. And when that happens your first phone call needs to be to a doctor. So. Scooch. Get on that.

And now! To the real question. I never really regulated after birth control, but I was never regular before birth control. So my experience here doesn't really apply. I have absolutely nothing to support this, but it seems to me a LOT of women take about six months to get things back to normal after the pill, which would mean your experience since November would be completely normal. Some women take even longer. Usually a year marks the time to start worrying.

Only a doctor (yes, that, again) can determine for sure that one ovary is not releasing an egg, although with your age I'd imagine they wouldn't be chomping at the bit to pump you full of dye and check for blocked tubes or whatnot, and I bet they'll tell you to just wait a bit longer -- women experience temporary irregular patches in their cycles all the time thanks to stress and diet and a zillion environmental factors, and it's probably way too soon for you to be self-diagnosing yourself with any of Google's darker diagnoses.

So. What are your options? Well, one, go to a doctor but make it clear that you have no interest in going back on the pill. Birth control suppresses ovulation, it doesn't jumpstart it, and it is not the right prescription for someone who is trying to get their system back up to full egg-releasing power. Progesterone, on the other hand, can trigger a period when you aren't having one. (When I cycled with Clomid I started out with a week of progesterone to force my non-existent period to appear, and then started counting out my cycle days from there.)

paraben-free-pro-gest_lg.jpgYou can get natural progesterone creams at health food stores and other crunchy places. This was something that a LOT of online people suggested for me this time around, when my cycles remained wildly irregular but I was dedicated to avoiding fertility treatments. It's mostly marketed as a menopause treatment, but I did pick up a tube of it (Emerita Pro-Gest) at Whole Foods and it included instructions for women in their reproductive years. Basically, do nothing for the first 14 days of your cycle (the day your period hits is day one) and then rub a small amount of cream anywhere on your body for the next 14 days. (For a 28-day cycle; you can adjust the use as needed for whatever length your cycle usually is.)

I bought the cream but always hesitated to use it. What if this was the month I got pregnant? Should I still use it during the two-week-wait? Is this stuff really safe? (I can be just as skeptical -- sometimes even MORE skeptical -- of "natural" remedies that don't really have to be held accountable or tested for safety as much as their "chemical" counterparts.) Pro-Gest is nothing new, but I remained wary, despite an even dozen of testimonials sitting in my inbox from women who used it. So it mostly sat in my drawer, unused.

I did, however, drink this stuff, which I've mentioned before. Raspberry leaf tea. It seemed less hormone-dabbly and safer, plus the package specifically mentioned that it could be used during pregnancy and breastfeeding. I drank it whenever I remembered (i.e. NOT as frequently as the three-cups-a-day recommended on the box) and ta-da! I was pregnant in no time. Do I heap all the thanks on the teabags? Nah. But who knows? It certainly didn't hurt.

And finally, pick up a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Personally, this book didn't really teach me much I didn't already know (cough obsessive Googling cough) and certainly didn't hold the magic cure for me, but about 99.9% of the rest of the fertile world will swear it's life-changing. It's a good primer, I think, especially since there's no denying that a lot of us are woefully under-informed about the more subtle workings of our own reproductive systems. If you do decide at some point to move into the "actively trying" stage and are still dealing with an every-other-month cycle, this book will teach you how to make the most out of the fertile months you've got.

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Call to the Bullpen: An Official Invite for Former Smackdown Question-Asker People

Published 05.08.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (11)

After reading the Itchy Boobs post, I thought it would be interesting to see some kind of follow up on some of your more "out there" questions. Did your advice work, what ended up being the cause, that kind of thing.

Thanks!
Jennifer

I've gotten several requests for formal follow-up columns, and since I am currently very suddenly dying from a terrible head cold and feelings of murderous rage every time my husband (who got me sick in the first place, what with his "job" and his "friends" and his "leaving the house occasionally") can happily reach for the Nyquil while I'm trying to survive on tea and Puffs Plus with Vicks, I am going to waste an entire column with what easily could have been a quick little aside somewhere.

Hi! Have you submitted a question to the Smackdown? A question that has actually been answered? (I know, I know, that second part is a grumbly sticking point for a lot of you, what with my dart-board question-selection system.) Did any of the advice (from me or the comments) do the trick? Or did you solve your stringy hair-itchy-boob-zit-bonanza-relationship-crisis on your own, and would you be willing to share your new-found wisdom with the class?

Send your updates, stories, before-and-after photos or anything else you wouldn't mind seeing published here to amyadvice AT gmail.com. (I have gotten a few follow-up letters to some of the more personal life-drama questions in the past, but they usually request that no further details show up on the Internet.) Please clearly indicate somewhere in the subject line that you're submitting a follow-up. It doesn't have to be anything long or involved (and hopefully we won't get any emails that say "I bought Philosophy's Hope in a Jar and IT RUINED MY MARRIAGE!!!"), just let us all know how you're doing and what ended up working FOR YOU.

I'll try to publish them in batches, so as not to take too much space away from the hundreds of still-unanswered questions languishing in the queue.

Your homework for today's comment section, however? Pregnancy-safe, natural cold remedies, particularly for the "oh my god there's a jackhammer in my sinuses and sandpaper in my throat" type of cold. Bleeeeeeeargh.

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ONE (1) lucky Alpha Mom reader will be randomly-selected to win a fabulous Jeep Baby gift package worth approximately $220. Included in the Jeep Prize Package: a Stroller, Baby Carrier and Diaper Bag. Register her for the Jeep Package Giveaway.

The Etiquette of Gift-Getting

Published 05.05.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (6)

Hi Amy,

Thank God for your column! I need a fashion critic and a Dear Abby all rolled into one, and at least in the corner of the Internet that I frequent, you're it! Recently, I had a birthday, and two of my good friends bought me a purse and a pair of earrings. The purse is cute, and so are the earrings, but the thing is? I'm not really an accessories kind of girl. Some of your readers may not believe this, but I even wear the same pair of shoes every day! Shocking, I know! And, until my birthday, I had one pair of earrings that I'd wear occasionally (probably less than once a month), and I had one purse that I used about 364 of the last 365 days. The purse I love. It's just the right size for all my stuff, and it's easy to find things in. I bought it a year ago at Banana Republic, and it looks like this:

ashburysmallshoulderbag.jpg

In my non-accessorizer opinion, it's casual enough not to look ridiculous when I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt (which is most of the time), and it's nice enough to use when I go out to a nice dinner with my boyfriend (nice for us being somewhere between the Olive Garden and a place where people know the name of the chef.) Of course, I could be completely wrong, and I think that's part of the problem, because I'm thinking, why would you give a purse to a girl who's not that into accessories? Oh! Maybe because her purse is ugly and/or out of style! So I guess that's part one of my question - is it really that bad? Or maybe it's a number-of-purses problem - Is it just as awkward for people to see me with the same purse every day as it would be if they repeatedly saw me with spinach between my teeth? Give it to me straight, I can handle it!

Part two of my dilemma is that the friends I mentioned are actually my roommates. So they KNOW if I am using the new purse or wearing the new earrings. When I am, they get super excited (literally, "You're wearing the earrings!!! Yay!!!") So, am I obliged to keep using the gifts? Because I don't want them to think that I don't like the presents - I do like them, they're very cute! They're just not really my thing.

Thanks so much,
Pursed Lips

Wow, so much drama involved in a simple purse question! Let me see if I can avoid tangents long enough to cover everything here.

1) There is nothing wrong with your bag. It's very cute and stylish and casual, but since it doesn't sound like you're pairing it with cocktail dresses on a regular basis...no problem there. It's hard to tell for sure from the photo, but I guess my only thing would be that it is a very...brown brown. Great for wearing with earth tones and other brown-friendly shades, but NOT the sort of brown that looks equally appropriate with black. But again, if you don't wear much black and your go-to shoes are brown...no problem there either. Unless there are visible threads coming loose or deep cracks in the strap or other signs of wear and tear, you can go ahead and use it another 364 days.

2) That said, I think you're misinterpreting your roommate's intentions here. You have one purse and don't wear earrings -- you see it as just not your thing. They probably see it as you just don't like to spend your own money on that sort of thing, so they would treat you to something nice and new that you wouldn't otherwise buy for yourself. Is the new purse black, or dressier than the one you carry now? If so, I'd bet they were just trying to help you have more options, not knowing that having options would throw you into this tailspin of handbag angst. I don't know your friends, obviously, but I really doubt this is the passive aggressive style critique that you're concerned about.

So. Now what? Since I believe their gift-giving intentions were good, I also believe you owe them some gift-recipient politeness. If you don't like swapping out handbags to match outfits, that's fine. (I don't mind it, mostly because it's the only way I can avoid the Black Hole effect, where one bag gets full of unnecessary junk and old receipts and mint wrappers and you pull your keys out and three crushed tampons fall out. Swapping colors and styles occasionally forces me to streamline -- keys, cellphone, wallet, comb, mirror, lipstick -- and toss all the extra stuff I end up stuffing in there. And....end tangent.) But if the new bag isn't significantly different than your current one, you can explain that you'd rather save it for when your current bag wears out. (Just promise to not let Purse Love blind you to wear and tear. I do that with favorite pairs of shoes.) (What? You mean these seven-year-old macrame platforms from Old Navy don't still look amazing? WHAT?)

And just wear the earrings. Seriously. You know it makes them happy so...just wear them.

My mother-in-law gives me amazing jewelry every year for my birthday -- it's all gorgeous stuff, handmade and funky and unique. But I have terrible luck with losing or breaking jewelry so I don't wear much unless it's a special occasion (i.e. no grabby toddlers in the vicinity). My diamond studs, wedding rings and...that's it, 99% of the time. But whenever she comes to visit, I am sure to put on one of the things she's given me. Because even though it might not be the sort of thing I wear every day, I really appreciate the time and care she puts into picking it out for me.

I love seeing friends and family wearing or using the gifts I've gotten them, so I tend to believe that being a polite gift recipient doesn't always begin and end with the thank-you note. It's one thing to receive something you absolutely hate but are too timid to say something (Dear World, Please Include Gift Receipts For Every Single Gift All The Time, Sincerely Yours, Amy), but for something you like but just aren't that into, I would opt for Sucking It Up and wearing the earrings occasionally. It's not an obligation, it's just a nice thing to do. Then drop hints before your next birthday about the sort of gift that really would be "your thing." Mwa ha ha.

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ONE (1) lucky Alpha Mom reader will be randomly-selected to win a fabulous Jeep Baby gift package worth approximately $220. Included in the Jeep Prize Package: a Stroller, Baby Carrier and Diaper Bag. Register her for the Jeep Package Giveaway.

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The Every-Other-Month Cycle Blues
Call to the Bullpen: An Official Invite for Former Smackdown Question-Asker People
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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

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