« Because Handbags and Babies and Panties, Oh My! | Main | Because My Laptop Battery is About to Die ThisVerySecondWhoops »
Because Nipples Are the New Bellybuttons
Published 07.25.2006 | Permanent Link | Comments (10)
Dearest Darling Amalah,
This question has nothing to do with hair. I have hair problems, but they are for another day.
This question is to do with something that I know you have a lot of first-hand knowledge of -- lip gloss. Or lipstick. Really this is my question.
I have just recently bleached my teeth (thank you parents, for the aw-sim Master's degree graduation present!). I was looking for suggestions on colors that will make my teeth look even whiter. Brand specific, preferably. I've been avoiding color for years, and am kind of clueless on which brands are good, non-sticky, not Bonne Bell, etc.
Thanks so much,
Lauren
There’s really just one guideline I can give you, but to make it more entertaining, please imagine me screaming it, all bug-eyed and cold-creamed, like John Crawford in Mommie Dearest:
NO ORANGE LIPSTICKS!
Any lipstick or gloss with orange undertones (which includes everything from peaches, peachy-pinks, corals and even some “neutral” earth tone shades) will bring out the natural yellow in your teeth, while cool blue undertones (found in deep reds, mauves, berry shades and some nudes) will bring out the whiteness. Glosses further enhance the look of your teeth, as opposed to very dry or matte lipsticks, which kind of dull them down.
Long-lasting, not-too-sticky brands I like: Nars Lip Laquer, Chanel, Clinique and Bobbi Brown.
But teeth aside, your skin tone MUST be the deciding factor when it comes to picking a color. You don’t mention what sort of complexion you have (pale? dark? olive? peach? kumquat?) so I don’t know exactly what shade would work best for you. 
Some people just look best in the orangey, peachy undertones, and with the bleaching or even Crest Whitestrips, you can wear them. Don’t go for the blue-undertone shades if your lips are naturally on the purple side, and if you are really, really unsure of a color, ask for help at the cosmetics counter or opt for a pink-brown color, which pretty much looks good on everybody.
(Also, a general plea to everybody: white teeth are indeed lovely, and our national obsession with white! whiter! whitest! is certainly not doing away anytime soon, but please. Whiten responsibly. Remember the lesson of Ross Geller – there IS such a thing as just too damn white.)
Oh, Amalah -
I can't believe I'm writing to somebody for beauty advice. I just saw some recent pictures of Winona Ryder and realized that we do look almost exactly alike (something I heard a lot when 'Reality Bites' came out, but which has kind of petered out since then). EXCEPT, she has flawless skin, while I, a chronically exhausted widowed mother of a toddler, do not. I have dark circles around my eyes, wrinkles which don't bother me and crepey undereye skin which does (I'm 29!), and a lifelong opposition to foundation, an opposition which I am apparently willing to reconsider based on Ms. Ryder's amazing complexion.
I have been using concealer lately, and though it definitely helps, I'm not sure I'm using it right. After a few hours I have concealer-colored lines in the creases and the shadows begin to reemerge.
Can you help me? What should I buy? How should I use it?
Anonymously,
Don't Use My Real Name Please
Oh man, the never-ending battle against the undereye shadows. There are two reasons we get them: bad lifestyle choices and bad goddamned genetics.
The "lifestyle" dark circles are the ones you get when you don't get enough sleep, drink too much alcohol and/or not enough water. You get them when you're stressed out, eating like crap and just generally not taking the best care of yourself. These are the kind of eyebags I get, and I fight them with upping my water intake, a multivitamin, an eye mask, Philosophy's Eye & Lip Firming Cream and Clean & Clear's Under Eye Brightening Stick (which I just realized has been DISCONTINUED, OH MY GOD, and is going for $20 on eBay.)
(Pre-Noah I would have attempted to "get more sleep," which is now SO HILARIOUS I can't even think about it.)
The Philosophy stuff is a freaking miracle cream, by the way, as my friend Diana and I purchased it together and within DAYS were emailing each other to confirm that we weren't imagining things: the skin around our eyes was indeed firmer and brighter. Diana reported she was able to stop using her concealer on her pesky dark circles.
The other type of dark circles, unfortunately, won't be solved by water and sleep alone. They're caused by skin transparency, which some women are plagued with all their lives, and some see it happen as they age. The Philosophy cream couldn't hurt, might help, as would any of Sephora.com's recommended treatments. (Philosophy also makes a "Dark Shadows" eye treatment that sounds pretty darn convincing, but alas, I have not used it myself, but probably will now that &$#@% Clean & Clear discontinued my beloved eyebag stick.)
And then there's concealer. Which I do not use. Yet. I sense I will one day lose the battle of the undereye circles, so I'm trying to pre-emptively figure out this concealer business. To avoid the settling-into-the-fine-lines phenomenon, start out with a primer, like the Benefit It Stick or DuWop Sub-Surface. Then apply your concealer of choice (seriously, there are about four hundred million of them and I'm not even going to attempt to act like I know which ones work better) with a brush or the tip of your ring finger.
Also, try to just get some more sleep.
(HAAAAAAAAHAAA HAAAAAAAAA.)
Amalah,
I have one of those questions, the kind that made my husband wonder if he had actually in fact married this psychotic woman who worries about these things. It's about -- what the hell do you call it-- we used to call them "high beams" in school-- when the outline of your nipples is visible through your clothing. Protuberance? Silhouette? Whatever. My mother was adamant that you should, oh my god, never know that a woman has nipples. Here's a padded bra.
So now, I'm a grown mother with an obsession with "sweater bras." but I'm a 38D, I Do Not Need Padding. So is the artificially smooth bust silhouette in? is more natural okay? Am I worrying for nothing -- the summer tops are oh so cute and yet so thin and can't trust fashion mags since we know how much airbrushing goes on-- those girls don't have pores let alone nipples. So that my dear Amalah is my neurosis du jour. Your diagnosis?
Sharon
While I don't think a little nipple, um, protuberance is worth having its very own overthought neurosis, I was also raised to believe that high beams were tacky and unladylike. But then came Sex & the City and Samantha and her silicone nipples and sometimes I just know what to believe anymore.
It appears that, in many ways, nipples are the new bellybuttons (heh, you've all just been waiting to see what the hell today's column title had to do with ANYTHING, right?). Once considered too shocking for prime-time TV, nobody really thinks twice about baring their midriffs. And I think the same is happening with nipples -- lots of women just don't really care, and some are actively avoiding the smooth silhouette. I mean, it IS silly to pretend that we don't have nipples, since that would equal freaky mutant boobs, and for godsakes, MEN HAVE NIPPLES TOO.
But still. Nips will attract some stares and giggles and maybe even some pointed questions about the temperature, I think, if you aren't careful about where you choose to go padded-bra-less. I'm done with padded bras too (for different reasons -- I've just decided to embrace my pancakey flatness), but am now a fan of the t-shirt bras. Not padded, just lightly lined, maybe a little molded. No protuberances, lest I give anyone the impression that I am some kind of brazen hussy.
But I also have some camis and super-lightweight bras, and eh, I'll wear them around. I may even go braless with some of my slinkier dresses and tops, but still carry around a little wrap or something in case things start getting ridiculous. So maybe I am a brazen hussy, but only on the weekends, when I'm out solving mysteries with my two best girlfriends, and Bosley isn't around to crack jokes about the air conditioning.
- RSS/Atom Feed
Subscribe- Recent Posts
- Housing Crisis: Staying With the In-Laws
- Smackdown Updates: Sunscreen, Teeth Whiteners, Field Trips & Handbag Dilemmas
- The Tracks of Your Tears: How to Repair Your Makeup After Crying
- The Every-Other-Month Cycle Blues
- Call to the Bullpen: An Official Invite for Former Smackdown Question-Asker People
- Categories
- AlphaFoxyMamas
- Baby
- Beauty 101
- Blog Life
- Brands
- Domestic Life
- Etiquette
- Eyes
- Fashion
- Fight the Frump
- Flashback Friday
- General Silliness
- Green Beauty
- Grooming
- Hair & Styling
- Handbags
- Health
- Jewelry
- Make-up Application
- Make-up Products
- Nail Care
- Pedicures
- Pets
- Postpartum
- Preconception
- Pregnancy
- Price Tag Cage Match
- Relationship Issues
- Shopping
- Skincare
- Smackdown Checklist
- Smackdown Hot List
- Style
- Swimwear
- Travel
- Undergarments
- Updates & Follow-Ups
- Weddings
- Work Life
- Archives
- May 2008
- April 2008
- March 2008
- February 2008
- January 2008
- December 2007
- November 2007
- October 2007
- September 2007
- August 2007
- July 2007
- June 2007
- May 2007
- April 2007
- March 2007
- February 2007
- January 2007
- December 2006
- November 2006
- October 2006
- September 2006
- August 2006
- July 2006
- June 2006
- May 2006
Feeding Your Newborn
About
Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.
Submit a Question
If you would like to submit a question, email Amalah at here.
Comments (10):
kentucky_kitty said:
Amalah, excellent news: you CAN still find the Clean & Clear Under Eye Stick, on eBay!! Just click on the "buy" tab and search for "clean clear eye" and you will get dozens of hits. I swear. I stocked up on three of them just today! Why are the Clean & Clear people tormenting us by taking this lovely product away??!
Posted on July 26, 2006 10:55
Art Nerd Lauren said:
Thanks, Amalah, for the advice. For the record, I am ghostly pale.
Also, I like benefit booing! concealer, it covers well without being cakey.
Posted on July 26, 2006 11:06
Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife) said:
Ha! I thought of Ross the minute I started reading that post. Then I scrolled down and saw him...and peed my pants laughing all over again.
Re: That Philosophy Miracle goo for eyes. I take it that it really does work, but do you use very much each application? Just asking because if I'm spending 30 bucks for something like that I want to know that it lasts a while. (my husband wants to know if it will last for the rest of my living days...there's a reason I call him Cheap Bastard)
Posted on July 26, 2006 13:15
Amy Corbett Storch said:
You actually use very very little of the Philosophy eye stuff. It's thicker and more concentrated than eye creams I've used in the past, so one tiny fingertip dab per eye seems to be enough.
Posted on July 26, 2006 13:43
Diana said:
Sharon,
The Victoria's Secret Ipex bra is thicker over the nipple area, thus concealing your highbeams without adding any padding. I'm not sure if they stock it in store in a 38D (I order online) but that should help you out.
Posted on July 26, 2006 14:11
Kafaleni said:
This is a tip I was given years ago, with regard to "high beams", which are a problem for me.
Disposable nursing pads. Just slip them into your bra, and they disguise any "protruberances". They're comfortable, not too bulky, and at the end of the day, you stash them back in your bra drawer until you need them again. You can re-use them several times before just throwing them away. (Of course, if you haven't yet had or you're not planning more babies, and your mother finds a box of nursing pads in your bathroom cupboard, she WILL ask questions. )
Posted on July 27, 2006 03:02
Jezer said:
Also for high beams? LILY PADZ. They rock.
Posted on July 27, 2006 11:27
beth said:
I too swear by the Ipex.
In addition to hiding your "party hats" (as I now like to call them), the straps are a bit wider at the top which is more comfortable for those of us that are bustier.
Also another huge plus is that for whatever reason the straps do not fall down--an ongoing issue I have due to narrow shoulders.
Posted on July 27, 2006 13:31
mamaphunk said:
Ok, hear me out, this is going to sound crazy.
I'm a 40DDD, swear to baby Jesus, and I bought one of those "formed bras" that made the promise to minimize. I was all like, "Ha! Yeah right! With all that padding and crap? Whatev.".
It worked. I cannot explain how a thick, formed bra can actually minimize my breasts, but it did.
Posted on July 27, 2006 17:07
queenann said:
OK, I have struggled with "hi-beams" my whole life and am a 36DD. I don't own white shirts!!
I like VS too but use the "Body By Victoria" full coverage bra myself- the Ipex line is not terribly supportive. Now, the BBV line is not a minimizer, but neither does it maximize and it is reasonably attractive (rare for a bigger bra).
It comes in lots of colors and is not that expensive (and even goes on sale)!! Worth a try-on- it's now the only bra I wear!
Posted on July 28, 2006 17:34