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Because I Have Been Just WAITING For the Chance to Whip Out Some Wedding Pictures

Published 08.29.2006 | Permanent Link | Comments (9)

Hi Amy,

I wrote you AGES ago asking about how to get a Coach bag on discount, and then school kicked in and I promptly forgot to check back on your site for the advice. So imagine my surprise when I went back the other day, searched in your archives, and discovered that you answered my question way back on May 16!

Well, thank you belatedly for the help. I did go to eBay right away (great idea!) and HOLY CRAP I totally bought my first Coach bag. I am so excited for it to come. And I had to tell you, b/c I think it is close to one you have yourself - "Coach Houndstooth Slim Demi." AND I got a great deal! So, thank you again. I look forward to enjoying my first (hopefully of many) snazzy designer bags.

Take care,
supine

Proof positive that we are CHANGING LIVES here, people. Handbags to the People!

Oh, Amalah, I hope you can help!

My partner and I were all set to get married this June, until my parents got into a serious car accident two weeks before the big day. They are recovering, and looking forward to the rescheduled nuptials. It looks like we'll be planning for a day in mid-February (no, not Valentine's Day!) and I'm wondering.....given that the original wedding date now has lots of bad juju for me, and the new date is in a *completely* different season, am I allowed to get a new wedding dress if I want to pay for it?

You might think, oh sure, go for it! Does it change your answer if I tell you that I was having serious dress dilemmas a month before the June date, and went out and bought myself a second dress? Now, these are not ridonkulously expensive dresses. Around $300 each. Put them together, and I think it still costs less than the average dress. But I'm thinking that now I have six months to get it *really* right and find the ultimate dress....still without breaking the proverbial piggy bank. Am I ridiculous for doing this?

If I am, but you still say it's okay, does anyone have any idea how to find dresses that might be more appealing to wear in February in DC? That is, not strapless, but still sexy and fun without being too formal? And, for girls who are not skinny, like a size 12 or 14?

I have attached a link to one of the June date dresses (strapless, more tea length than it looks in the photo) as well as a new dress I just found that is v.v. intriguing. help!

I fear that I might just be compulsively building a wedding dress collection, but really want to make sure I am wearing something that I love.

Martha

While I’ve never masked my not-so-secret loathing of overly extravagant weddings, I absolutely and completely do NOT think you’re being ridiculous here. If the dresses cost thousands of dollars instead of a few hundred, then maybe I would. But they don’t, and you’re not. You should wear a dress that you are crazy in love with. You should wear a dress that you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is The One. I may be anti-fuchsia-taffeta-bridesmaid gowns and anti-weddings-that-cost-as-much-as-a-house-down-payment, but I am very much pro-bride-happiness.

I lucked out to an amazing degree with my dress. I saw a picture of The Perfect Dress in the table of contents in the very first bridal magazine I bought. I flipped directly to the article and found – GLORY BE – it was an article about low-cost weddings and the dress cost $350. And then I found it in what had to be the tackiest and trashiest bridal boutique ever. They’d marked it down to $300 because it was “plain” and “boring” and “didn’t look like a Bedazzler threw up on it.” I looked at a zillion other pictures and tried on a lot of other dresses just to be sure, but I knew. For me, that dress was it. I felt like Audrey Hepburn on my wedding day, and I plan to take it out of storage and let some seams out and wear it again when we renew our vows on our 10th wedding anniversary.

I love it that much. You should wear a dress YOU love that much.

Personally, I like the David’s dress better than the J.Crew one, but that’s just me. And winter wedding date aside, you’re going to have a hard time finding a dress that’s meant for a winter wedding. They’re almost all strapless or halters or otherwise sleeveless. Because that’s the direction ALL dresses have gone these days. Think about it – you go to buy a simple little cocktail dress in the dead of winter, and chances are you’re going to walk out of there with something sleeveless.

We toyed with the idea of a December wedding, and all the books and magazines said to just pair some kind of wrap or cape or “dramatic fur-trimmed coat” with your dress (And some cursory Googling for “winter wedding dress ideas” suggests that surprise! They’re STILL all saying that. Way to come up with awesome new ideas, wedding industry!)

So unless you’re looking to pose for pictures outside, I wouldn’t stress too hard about finding a cold-weather-appropriate dress. Wedding dresses are a Thing Unto Themselves, and normal rules – and even good old-fashioned common sense – don’t really apply. Wear what you want, and what you love, and just make sure your reception site is heated.

(Also, for discount wedding dresses in all sizes, you could always brave the Insanity That Is the Filene’s Basement Bridal Event, which scares me to my VERY CORE, but I’ve known enough women who have found their absolute dream dress for an absolute steal there that I feel like I have to mention it. I think you’ve missed this year’s event in DC, which…well. May actually be a good thing, because seriously. It’s insane. But any other crazy people out there may want to keep an eye on Filene’s website for the cities and dates of upcoming events.)

amy_wedding_1-1.jpg

Dearest, Most Lovely Amalah,

I have a dirty, shameful secret. I... take horrible care of my skin. "Care" equals not washing it with anything but water in the morning shower and the occasional exfoliation with exfoliatey-scrubby-glove things that I use on my whole body (face included) every week or so. I stopped trying to care for my skin when it made itself very apparently sensitive to anything I did. I don't wear make-up or moisturizer (you didn't think ogres like me existed, did you?!) because everything makes me break out. Any time in the past that I've tried to start up a care regime I've been repaid with pimples and dry skin *here* and oily-ick *there* and just looking awful. I have a nose full of blackheads and I just can't handle it anymore! (On the plus side, I heard years ago the best thing you can do for your skin is drink water, so I drink lots every day.)

To top it all off, I'm pregnant right now (yay pregnancy skin!) with my second (I have a toddler so have...limited time for skin care and a limited budget). As for my (limited) experience with make-up, I hate anything that I can *feel* on my face. I have light coloured skin, fairly even skin-tone, and dark circles under my eyes. I also (please don't be mad!) am a "face toucher" (I touch my face and yes I know I shouldn't). I don't spend a lot of time in direct sunlight and haven't, yet, noticed any wrinkle problems.

Is it possible to fix me? Is it possible to have a quick skin care regime that will miraculously clear my blackheads and give me a shiny, glowy spring-fresh look without breaking my bank? Is it possible to have basic, light make-up that can withstand the rigors of soon-to-be-a-stay-at-home-Mommy-of-two but make me feel better about the way I look and (most importantly) not clog my pores?

Hoping against hope,
Kelly

Well! Now that I have uncurled from the fetal position and read your letter enough times that it no longer hurts my heart, let me see if I can help.

Giving Interweb advice for extremely sensitive skin always makes me a little nervous, because there is no way I can say for sure that my recommendations won’t cause complexion anarchy. But oh my God, even the crappiest advice ever has got to be better than what you’re doing now, which…I repeat: oh my God.

Even sensitive skin should be washed twice a day. GENTLY washed – not scrubbed or exfoliated -- with a product made just for your face. So…yeah. You’ve got three strikes against you already. YOU ARE OUT. LET THE SKINCARE REVOLUTION BEGIN.

purity.jpgLong-time readers (of like, several whole WEEKS now) know that I’m crazy in love with Philosophy’s Purity Made Simple cleanser. It’s very gentle and appropriate for all skin types. My combination-borderline-oily skin has never looked or felt better. Love. Heart. Adore.

However, it’s not the cheapest stuff out there AND it works best if you spend at least a couple minutes massaging your face before rinsing. Hardly high-maintenance, believe me, but someone hellbent on spending less than 30 seconds on a skincare regimen is not going to see the same results.

If you live near an actual Sephora, stop in and ask for samples of the Purity cleanser and the Hope in a Bottle moisturizer for oily skin, which should reduce those blackheads and keep the oil slick at bay. (Remember: blackheads are excess pigment, not dirt, so no squeezing or scrubbing. It makes them worse. Ever so much worse.) You really only need a small amount of both products, so initial sticker shock aside, they will last a long time. (I just went and bought the $30 jumbo-sized bottle of the cleanser, which is actually a tremendous buy compared to the small bottles meant for the Commitment Phobics.)

Another option is good old Cetaphil. It’s cheap, effective and as gentle as water. I’ve used it, and while it doesn’t pack quite the complexion-clearing punch as the Purity cleanser, it might be a good match for your skin AND leave enough room in the budget for the Philosophy anti-blackhead moisturizer, which I really, really think would be good for you – both in the short term AND in the bigger, stop-treating-your-skin-like-crap-lest-you-want-to-age-before-your-time picture.

If you’re looking for makeup that you can’t “feel,” try the Bare Escentuals powder. I STILL haven’t personally used the stuff, and while my guest reviewers and commenters had definite mixed feelings about it back in the day, I’ve lately been hearing nothing but raves. Skip the starter set and mineral veil and try just the brush and powder. (However: the application process still garners mixed reviews. Some people swear it’s easy and quick, while others say it’s a pain in the ass, and even I’m a little intimidated by any makeup that comes with it’s own damn DVD to show you how to wear it. But still. Just tossing it out there as an idea.)

Oh, and when starting any new skincare regimen, be prepared for about a two-week adjustment period. Your skin might react in some non-attractive ways as it tries to rebel against your oil-control tactics. It sucks, but it just happens sometimes. If you’re still breaking out after two weeks or so, then yeah. It’s time to give up and move on, but give yourself those two weeks. Your middle-aged self will thank you.

Okay, Amy...I have what may be a forbidden salon product question. I often purchase salon hair products after a haircut/color. (typically Matrix if you're wondering, but also enjoy B&B) Recently, I've noticed Target and other non-salon stores are selling some of the same products. When I asked my stylist about it, she immediately balked and said they weren't the same and I should never buy from a chain store, only the salon. They're about the same price, so that's not why I'm thinking of buying at a chain store, it's simply much more convenient. So, do you know if they are, indeed the same product?

Thanks,
Amy in Ohio

Okay, so what you’re talking about is product “diversion.” Diversion is when professional products (that are clearly marked “SOLD ONLY IN PROFESSIONAL SALONS” or something similar) show up at unauthorized retail outlets.

tigi.jpgAbout two years ago I was addicted to Bed Head Head Rush Spray Shine. And for awhile there was some kind of supply problem at all the local salons and I couldn’t find it anywhere. Then lo and behold, I spotted it at the grocery store! For the same price! Awesome!

I didn’t know anything about diverted products and hell, I wanted that spray shine. So I bought it without ever wondering how in the world Safeway managed to get a hold of a few bottles when even the damn Hair Cuttery didn’t have it.

Bottom line: these stores are not supposed to sell these products. The product manufacturers did not sell them these products. They were “diverted” or sold through black or grey market channels. They could be real. They could also fakes. Or spoiled. Or otherwise tampered with. You just don’t know.

Beautyweb has a very informative “consumer alert” page about product diversion. It’s pretty…um…dramatic (CANCER ON THE INDUSTRY! OMG!), since we ARE just talking about shampoo here, but I get it. The manufacturers have every right to control where their products are sold – whether to ensure quality control or just to maintain a certain cachet. The hard-working stylist who recommends the product to you should see any possible commission from your purchase. And I, as a consumer, don’t want to buy some two-year-old bottle of Bed Head spray shine for the same price.

To be honest – I didn’t notice any difference between my grocery-store spray shine and the times I bought it at the salon. But I don’t really feel like playing some kind of crapshoot for the sake of a little extra convenience. If I’m going to buy top-quality professional hair care products, I want to be guaranteed that I am, in fact, buying top-quality professional hair care products.

And you can only get that guarantee if you buy them from a salon or professional beauty supply store, period.

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Comments (9):

robin m said:

Re: Skin care - I have fair/bad/sensitive skin and at the risk of being a broken record around here let me give acne.org another shoutout - it's changed my skin totally. It's cheap, too.

Posted on August 30, 2006 09:39

Amy said:

Martha,

I got married in February and my best friend got married in December, so I've got some wintertime wedding experience.

Plenty of dresses that are bare on the top can be "winter appropriate" -- the key is in the fabric. You wouldn't want to wear a silk organza or cotton voile dress in the dead of winter, but a velvet, silk satin or brocade fabric are all totally appropriate. My best friend's dress was a lovely brocade from Nicole Miller and was quite reasonably priced. The beauty of the heavier fabric (besides being seasonal) is that its a bit warmer, so even if your arms or shoulders are bare, your dress is still pretty warm. (My dress was silk satin and even though it was barely 20 degrees the day we got married, I was sweating profusely by the end of the night after all the dancing and socializing!).

An easy and chic wrap if you need to cover up while outside is a fur stole. You can find TONS of lovely old ones on eBay for $50 or less. My friend and I both wore them and they were warm and quite functional, as well as cute. If you're worried about being cold in the church/reception area, look for a dress with a matching stole or wrap -- again, I recommend Nicole Miller on that front!

Anyway, good luck -- and I agree with Amalah, you should have a dress you love. After all, you're only doing this once, right?

Posted on August 30, 2006 11:44

Zoot said:

Wait. Are you saying my precious Target is violating some Beauty Code with their wall of Salon stuff? SERIOUSLY? I dont even use the stuff, but I always thought it was cool that Target sold it. *sob*

Posted on August 30, 2006 12:06

Amy Corbett Storch said:

I know, Zoot! Apparently you can like, REPORT stores for selling salon stuff. And then...I don't know what happens. Paul Mitchell comes and breaks some kneecaps. Or maybe just sends Target a sternly worded letter.

Posted on August 30, 2006 13:30

Jess said:

Are you saying my Biolage from Target is counterfeit? I suddenly feel so dirty & unmoisturized!!

On the wedding inquiry, I have to agree that the fabric can really change the seasonal feel of the dress. But a friend of mine got married last March in Michigan and wore a simple strapless gown but added the below cover-up and it looked beautiful. It worked for the cold church and she was able to remove it for the actual reception where it was warmer.

Ignore the dress, she wore just the cover-up: http://www.demetriosbride.com/us/collections/ilissa_06/highres/892jckbk.jpg

Posted on August 30, 2006 15:18

Heather Barmore said:

Remember: blackheads are excess pigment, not dirt, so no squeezing or scrubbing. It makes them worse. Ever so much worse.

Wow, you learn something new everyday. Thus the reason my face looks a hot mess. Thank you as always.

Posted on August 30, 2006 16:05

Peyton Snyders said:

I got married on Valentine's Day (it was a Saturday, and I'm a hopeless romantic). I wore a silk satin gown, strapless, with a chapel-length train and a veil that was yards long (cathedral-length, I think, the wedding was at night). I took the veil off after the ceremony and used a red pashmina as a cover-up. Red works well with any winter wedding, especially if you're carrying red roses (which of course, I was, lots of them). :-)

I'm a face-toucher, too. It's horrible, I know I shouldn't do it, but I catch myself all the time resting my hand on my chin in front of my computer monitor. Odd thing is, my forehead is actually my skin's trouble spot!

Posted on August 31, 2006 11:38

Jodi said:

This is a great cleansing idea for ultra-sensivite skin:
http://www.norwex.com/norwex/controller?action=catalog&prod=98&cat=1&subcat=0

Posted on September 1, 2006 12:51

heels said:

I think we may have had the same wedding dress...

Posted on September 5, 2006 16:45

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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy in a Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

Amy is mother to delicious preschooler Noah and baby Ezra. NomNomNom.

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