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Because I Earned My Degree From Google University

Published 09.12.2006 | Permanent Link | Comments (13)

Today, I want to take you on an extra-special journey through the Mind of Amy, as I demonstrate my typical thought process as I read through a typical question.

(Bold text is our intrepid question-asker-person, while everything in italics and parentheses is mine, as you know how much I love me some parentheses.)

(Love!)

Dearest, Wisest Amalah,

I’m sure you are bored to the back teeth of questions on skin care (note to self: must steal the expression “bored to the back teeth” immediately), but amongst the questions you’ve answered so far I haven’t been able to find a solution to my specific problem, so I’m hoping you can help!

(Of course I can help. I am awesome.)

I’m 25, and for the last couple of years my skin has been really bad. It hadn’t been that bad before, but suddenly for no reason I got this weird rash of spots on my cheeks and chin and nothing I do seems to shift it.
(Weird rash = see a doctor! The end! Time for some wine!)

They do occasionally turn into regular whitehead type spots, but mostly they’re just weird lumps on my face.

(Hmm. Yeah. See a doctor.)

My face also gets oily quite quickly, despite alleged anti-re-greasing moisturisers and matte foundations. My diet probably isn’t ideal as I live on my own and therefore have somewhat erratic food habits, but even then I’m not sure what is good for skin other than water, which I do try and drink enough of.

(Will Google that so I sound like I know what I’m talking about, and then will go eat some chips.)

I did eventually go to my doctor (although embarrassment almost kept me away) and he wasn’t especially helpful, telling me it wasn’t acne, so antibiotics were unlikely to help, but that it looked like blocked pores. That was about as helpful as he got!

(Oh. Crap.)

I wash my face in the mornings with Garnier Pure Deep Pore Wash, then I use Garnier Pure Pore Purifying Astringent then I moisturise with L’Oreal Pure Zone Deep Control moisturiser (Anti-Imperfection Regulating Moisturiser if you want the full name, cos it’s just not enough of a mouthful already!). At night I cleanse and remove makeup with Simple Oil Balancing Cleansing Wipes and then moisturise with Garnier Nutritionist. These products are British, so I don’t know if they are available in the States or if you have heard of them, but I imagine you can Google them. So yeah, any product you recommend has to be 1) available in the UK (I don’t mind ordering from the US as long as I don’t have to pay a small fortune for shipping and 2) kinda not too expensive as I’m a student and living on a very limited budget.

(OH CRAP. MAYDAY! MAYDAY!)

So, wonderful Amalah, is there hope for me? Any advice you can give would be more than gratefully received! I included a photo for your eyes only, but even then, heed the warning before you view it, it’s a close up of my cheek and not that pleasant. Thankfully in photos from a regular distance it’s not usually visible, although the shine on my cheeks and forehead is!

(DOOMED! ALL IS DOOMED! ALL MY EXPERTISE AND KNOWLEDGE GOING DOWN IN A FIERY FLAMING FIERBALL OF DOOOOOM!)

Thank you in advance!
Laura

(PANICKED DEER-IN-HEADLIGHTS SILENCE)

So. After all of that, I bet you are REALLY EXCITED to hear my AWESOME ADVICE, right?

Actually, I did calm down and regroup, and then I got down to some serious Googling. And because I love, I actually did a Google image search for (gulp) different skin conditions and acne to see if I could find something similar to the photo you provided.

My first advice is that you never, ever do that, particularly right after eating lunch, because Google doesn’t really seem to know the difference between “whitehead rash on face” and “scaly bumpy things on people’s private parts.”

Anyway, the next part of my advice will probably send the AlphaMom legal department screaming for the exits, but I’m going to second-guess your doctor. And tell you that your doctor was kind of a clueless idiot-man. Was he an actual dermatologist or just a general practioner? Because, really. “It looked like blocked pores?” Um. Yeah! That would kind of be what acne is, brainiac.

The photo you sent shows classic closed comedonal acne. Of this I am almost positive. Google that yourself and notice the similarities.

Your doctor was right about antibiotics being unlikely to work, as antibiotics are more effective on that red pustule kind of acne. BUT THAT’S NOT THE ONLY KIND OF ACNE THERE IS. ARGH.

Things that do work on comedonal acne? Prescription topical treatments like Retin-A and benzoyl peroxide, and over-the-counter treatments with salicylic acid. Also certain birth control pills.

So I suppose you see where I’m going with this: time for a second opinion. Preferably with an actual dermatologist, if you didn’t see one before. If you did, well, I’m sorry he sucked. Maybe find some parents of some oily, greasy teenagers and ask for a recommendation.

In the meantime, I want you to lighten up on your skincare routine. You’re using a LOT of oil-control products at once, and for a lot of us, less is more in that department. Your skin NEEDS to produce oil, and by using multiple oil-control products you can actually cause your skin to overcompensate with excess oil production.

Drop the astringent and the wipes. Use the same wash in the morning and at night. (Provided it’s not a scrub, that is. If it’s got little beads of anything in it, swap to a gentle, non-abrasive wash.) Your moisturizers are probably fine, although I’ve never used either of them. Try to find an OTC product with benzoyl peroxide (like Clean & Clear Persa-Gel, if that’s available where you are) to treat your rash until you get that second opinion.

notadoctor.jpg

I'm not a doctor, but I play one on the Internet!

Hi Amy!

I’ve been wondering about the proper use of bras with clear straps. I’ve seen girls wearing them with tops that I think require a strapless bra. Are clear straps the new strapless?

Thanks,
Nancy

No. No!

That is all. Just a lot of no.

Hi Amy,

I am a lot older than all you SAHM's but I deserve an answer as much as anybody cause I stayed home with my kids when they were little and got a divorce, degree, and a job all in the same four years in my early 40s. Now I am just barely post-menopausal with aging skin that is still trying to be oily and yet seems dry at the same time. My question has to do with foundation. I have spots that have developed with no pigment and can cover it up somewhat with MAC Studio Fix. This works all fine and dandy until I sweat a little, or realize with horror in the office bathroom that my makeup looks caked on or lined into disgusting rivulets of greasiness and then I wipe it off, or the day just wears on and the makeup pulls a disappearing act. HOW do I keep flaws covered over the course of a day???? I have to moisturize, and I think that contributes to the greasy wiping off thing. But powder looks cake-y and highlights my ever-deepening wrinkles. Can you ask somebody (your mother perhaps?) for some advice and share it with me? I want to wear make-up to contribute to a smooth professional appearance now that I work full time and besides, I feel prettier with it. But I still want to look natural!

Ever thankful,
a former totally hot silken skinned babe

Oh please. You’re describing MY SKIN. ALREADY. Because I am DOOMED and HAGGARD and OLD BEFORE MY TIME.

primer.jpg You sound like an ideal candidate for some...wait for it...primer. Again with the primer! Specifically, the Smashbox primer with SPF 15 and Dermaxyl Complex. I bought this for the SPF (*shakes fist at Philosophy for not adding SPF to any of the seven bottles of facejunk I already use and I am not buying any more, I am just not*) but was then pleasantly surprised by the fine-line-smoothing attributes. And y’all KNOW how I feel about foundation primers in general. It is love, is what I feel.

So once more, with feeling: primers create a smooth, already-flawless surface on your skin. The silicon fills in fine lines instead of sinking into them (like your foundation will), and then your makeup rests on top of this layer and generally doesn’t budge much during the day, as the primer also works to shield your makeup from oil and sweat.
As for other ways to compact the mid-day makeup slide, you could try some oil-blotting papers that soak up the shine without touching your makeup. And with the primer (hopefully) helping the wrinkle issue, you may be able to use some powder during the day without running into the cake-y issue. MAC makes two awesome “blotting powders,” one pressed and one loose, which are designed to absorb oil and re-matte-ify your makeup without adding any color.

I’ve actually just started using some loose powder over my foundation just to avoid the mid-day ickiness you describe. I’m using a colorless Sonia Kashuk powder and brush from Target, both of which are kind of rocking my world right now. Oh, Target. I love you so.

Dear Amalah,

I have rather fine hair that can be coerced into being quite curly if I keep the cut rather short and use Pantene's "Hydrating Curls" shampoo and conditioner and most importantly Nexxus Retexxtur (what's up with all the extra XXXXXs? are they sending me grandma kisses?) Curl Enhancing spray. After washing my hair, I spray the Nexxxus stuff on, scrunch and air dry. My curls hold up nicely all day, even in desert-type dryness and by-the-ocean-high humidity. The evil overlords at Nexxxxus have apparently decided that they don't want to sell or produce this stuff anymore. Since I've fought with my hair
for 25+ years and only in the last 18 months or so have been really happy with it, I'm desperate to find something to replace the Retexxxxxtur stuff. Please - I can't handle another 25 years of hating my hair. Any suggestions would make me buy you pink Prada sandals.

Thanks and smooches to the Noah-meister.
Andrea

marcia brady.jpg Well, if you honestly and truly love the Nexxus stuff, it’s available by the truckload over on eBay. So you could always stock up on a few bottles and prolong the inevitable for awhile.

As for a replacement, I use and love three different curl-enhancing-scrunching-type products: Catwalk Curls Rock Curls Booster, Catwalk Frisky Scrunching Gel and Bumble & Bumble Surf Spray.

The Curls Rock product leaves the least…product-y feel to my hair, but will only enhance the curls or waves you already have. It takes my fine, straight hair to just a notch above wavy. The Frisky Scrunching Gel makes my hair very wavy, but since it is a gel, my hair feels a little crunchy and stiff. But it holds all day and is extra great at masking frizz. The Surf Spray stuff just denies description, as it’s like nothing else I’ve ever used. A couple spritzes could give Marcia Brady a head full of tousled ringlets.

So I suppose it depends on how much natural curl you have. It sounds like the Curls Booster product is closest to the Nexxus one, so that might be what you’re looking for. (It’s actually part of a whole line of curl-boosting products, including a shampoo, conditioner, moisturizer and a “Curls Amplifier.” Which: Booster? Amplifier? Whatever. Wake me up when they start selling the Curls Rock Rockstarifier.)

« Older | Newer »

Comments (13):

mdvelazquez said:

I will second the TiGi hair products (Bead Head and Catwalk).

You might also consider:

BeadHead's Boy Toys Body Building Funkifier or Small Talk 3-in-1.

Catwalk's Texturizing Pomade and Curl Amplifier

Posted on September 13, 2006 11:18

poorlysorted said:

Amy--your answer for the first question was spot on. After high school years of gorgeous, clear skin, I developed a rash on my forehead in my freshman year of college exactly like this person described. It developed very slowly, and multiple doctors told me it wasn't acne in the beginning. They thought it was allergies, or dry skin, or ezcema. I just had a very, very slow developing case of acne.

I waited too long to see a dermatologist and suffered from very ugly acne scars. I was put on a dose of benzaclin and tazorac, and late switched to benzaclin and differin. They cleared up my acne, but if I stopped taking them, my acne would develop very slowly again--starting with red bumps and finally developing into pustules (grossest word EVER!) If my daughter or son ever gets acne, I am taking them to a dermatologist right away. I think that Laura should do the same, and get on some good medication.

Posted on September 13, 2006 11:36

Heather said:

This may be cheating to ask a question via comment, but it's just a follow-up to the whole foundation primer thing (which I am very intrigued by, and giving serious consideration to purchasing). My question: Do you still moisturize BEFORE applying the primer?

Thanks! Sorry for sneaking a question into the comments, all stealthy-like!

Posted on September 13, 2006 12:37

Kari said:

1. Hysterical, awesome and perfect picture for your answer to question number one.

2. Your answer to question number two gave me a serious Project Runway flashback - Catherine Malandrino's thoughts on Vincent. Awesome.

3. I don't use it (I'm a tinted moisturizer kind of gal), but Laura Mercier's primer is often heralded. I love her tinted moisturizer, so I imagine her primer is pretty kickass as well.

Posted on September 13, 2006 13:16

mim said:

Until she has a chance to visit the dermatologist, maybe Laura should try out the clear skin regimen at http://acne.org. It's just basically gentle face wash (pay dry gently), lots of 2.5% (less drying works just as well) benzoyl peroxide all over the affected area, then oil free moisturizer.

I also love parentheses, obviously. And I love the non non non non non non non by Catherine Malandrino:)

Posted on September 13, 2006 15:20

Amy Corbett Storch said:

Heather: Definitely moisturize first, THEN use the primer.

Posted on September 13, 2006 16:19

epoh said:

This is completely un-related to this week's column (because, really, who needs to stay on topic? not me!) I went and picked up some of that Philosophy face wash you recommended a while back and HOORAAY! Thank you so much. My skin is fabulous once more.

I wish you all fabulous skin as well.

Posted on September 14, 2006 13:29

Krisbell said:

I have SUPER oily skin and love the idea of a primer. What's the breakout factor, though?

Posted on September 14, 2006 20:32

pitt_chick said:

Hey,

I'd go to a different doc too. That whitehead-ish rash might be rosacea. Several docs told me that mine was acne before I got proper treatment.

Posted on September 15, 2006 00:10

Amy Corbett Storch said:

Krisbell - My skin is pretty oily and prone to blemishes, and I didn't notice any problems after I started using primer. It seems to be pretty breathable stuff, and provided you're washing your face really well at night, you shouldn't break out with it.

As for rosacea, I have to say her photo looked nothing like the photos of rosacea I found online (or have seen on friends who were diagnosed), but still. All the more reason to get a second medical and non-internet-based opinion.

Posted on September 15, 2006 15:49

Isabel Kallman said:

First, you channel Catherine Malandrino with "non. non. non." for Vincent.

This week, PR's Kayne's channeling you! "I'm not a bitch. I just play one on TV."

Posted on September 15, 2006 18:01

Kate said:

Aww, you're still using Google. My soul hurts. :(

I still like you, though, Amy.

Posted on September 18, 2006 20:12

The Muse said:

Andrea - It sounds like our hair could be similar. I'm (un)lucky enough that with some coaxing either way, my hair will go straight (a lot of coaxing with a blowdryer and flat iron) or curly (a little coaxing with some anti-frizz and curl-enhancer and maybe the diffuser if I'm feelin' it). For the curls, I SWEAR by John Frieda Frizz-Eaze Dream Curls. I found this stuff about a month ago, and nothing I have tried before it has given me curls that are so soft and bouncy and non-crunchy. And, (and!) it's great for the 2nd-day restyle where you don't have to wash, but need to give them a spritz & a pick-me-up. Plus, its a regular drug-store product, so its a bit easier to try out before the Tigi products that Amalah mentioned (which I have also tried, but didn't like quite as much).
Enjoy! :)

Posted on September 19, 2006 18:32

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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

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