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The Salon Trap: Is My Stylist Ripping Me Off?

Published 08.27.2007 | Permanent Link | Comments (19)

Dear Amy,

Since you and Philip seem to have this wonderful client to stylist relationship, I was wondering if you can help me out? My husband and I have been having the dreaded budget talks again recently, and one topic that always comes up is how much I spend on my hair. I am aware that
getting my hair done is expensive, and as I have gotten more gray even more so. The question is, am I getting too much done and getting sucked into some salon trap?

Right now I go every 7 weeks (she says 6, I say 8 so we compromise). I get highlights, a semi permanent color run through, toner, plus my hair cut, plus tip and I have no money left for products. Some background, I am in my early thirties, and saw my first grays at 18. I used to get highlights only, but as the grays started showing up more, the grays weren't blending with the highlights as much anymore. That is where the color run through comes in. What is the toner for? Are all of these things necessary?

Thanks,
Jamie

While I admittedly do not know that much about the subtle art of covering gray hair, I can tell you that my jaw just about done hit the floor when you said "highlights" and "every seven weeks."

Highlights. Every seven weeks. Seriously? Never mind the expense (although I imagine it is astronomical), I simply could not bear to spend that much time at the salon or deal with that much stress and damage to my hair.

I get highlights about twice a year. Of course, I don't have any gray hair (yet), and I'm not changing the natural color of my hair. You didn't mention your hair color (natural or what you're trying to accomplish at the salon), but since you're getting toner put in, I am guessing you are lightening your hair?

Toner is basically an extra step to minimize brassiness in blonds or downplay the natural color tone of your hair in order to make a dramatic change. Toner does nothing for gray hair, since gray HAS no underlying tone to neutralize.

I'd suggest that maybe it's time to go single-process color for awhile. Roots only. Permanent, too. (I don't quite follow the semi-permanent logic...everything I've read about covering gray states that a permanent dye is essential. Is it because your stylist doesn't want to put highlights on top of dye? Or because your gray isn't taking to the highlights? Or...I don't know! I have so many questions!) Maybe even something you can touch-up yourself, at home, in a pinch.

Cover the gray completely and THEN talk about adding highlights back in for some depth, but the highlights shouldn't be your primary tactic for blending the gray. It sounds like you've been past that point for awhile now, and yeah, maybe your stylist is just treating you like an easy and unquestioning cash cow.

While I certainly don't claim to know exactly what the best process is for your hair, I do knot that two more things jump out at me and make me distrust your stylist: 1) You get your hair cut at every appointment, and 2) you don't know what the toner is for.

1) You do NOT need to get your hair cut that often. Phillip recommends I come in every 8 to 12 weeks, and we usually stagger hair cuts and highlights so I don't have to pay for both on the same visit. Unless you've got a crazy high-maintenance style like Posh Spice, most women can get away with getting their hair cut every two months or so. If your hair is longer and layered and you're using decent shampoos, you can push your cuts even farther apart. Three months or so. Four cuts year.

2) Why why why why doesn't your stylist explain things to you? Even if you are the super-quiet type who doesn't ask a lot of questions, you should be told exactly why you are doing (and paying for!) what you are doing.

If you do trust and like your stylist, by all means give her a chance to create a more low-maintenance routine for you. You know, TALK TO HER. Tell her your budget concerns and lay down an ultimatum. (You may have to make a compromise or two in terms of your ideal color, like going darker or something closer to your natural pre-gray color.) Obviously, she'll probably freak at the idea of you touching up your roots at home in-between visits and advise against it, but she HAS to understand that the cost and the commitment is wearing on you and is no longer acceptable.

If she continues to pressure or hard-sell you on the highlights and multiple-process approach, consider breaking up with her. Find someone else. Your Phillip is out there! Find him!

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Comments (19):

BaltimoreGal said:

Amalah is totally right on the highlights. I get highlights and lowlights on my medium-to-dark blonde hair about three times a year and that is PLENTY. Especially on top of other color!!! Unless your hair is black and you're dying it blonde...
And if that's the case, and you're also fighting grey, you might honestly just want to re-assess. All that money?!?

Posted on August 27, 2007 11:17

epoh said:

Yowza. I don't think I've gone to get my highlights re-done more than 3 times in one year. Often I only go twice a year. That's the only time I get my hair cut as well. I probably spend $300 total in the hair salon in a whole year.

Posted on August 27, 2007 12:41

Jenn said:

Wow, I get my short (between jaw-length and shoulder-length), layered hair cut every 4-6 weeks because if I don't, the layers grow out and I start to look like a yeti. Then again, I pay $12 for a haircut. Thank you, small town hairdresser!

Posted on August 27, 2007 12:59

jodifur said:

I also get highlites about 2 xs a year. You really don't need them more than that. I get my haircut every 8-12 weeks. My stylist says 6, but I just can't get there that often.

Posted on August 27, 2007 13:09

elle said:

Amalah's right -- sounds like you're being taken for a ride. But what's right for you will depend on the length of your hair and its natural colour. I'm naturally dark blonde but probably 25% grey now (yikes!). (My hairdresser calls my streaks ash blonde. Don't you love him already?) I'm quite the gym addict, so keep my hair very short at the nape and back, 2-3 inches on top. I get my hair cut every 5-6 weeks to stop it getting in my eyes and going annoyingly random-curly, and get a half-head of highlights every other cut. It doesn't cover all the grey, but I'm cool with that -- with the highlights it really does blend. The roots only really begin to show 2 weeks or so before the next colour session's due. I either live with them or use a semi-permanent root touch-up product (Schwarzkopf and John Frieda are in my (UK) bathroom cabinet right now. I say shop around -- any decent, trustworthy stylist will be happy to spend time with you talking through your needs and budget in the hope of gaining your regular custom. Good luck, and let us know!

Posted on August 27, 2007 14:00

LatteLori said:

I'm a brunette who started going gray at 18, and I've been coloring my hair for many, many years.

First of all, you will go broke if you continue with the highlights. A good colorist/stylist can give you depth and variations of color using a mixture. Mine is currently a mixture of three Redken colors, which gives me a dark brown with reddish tones. It does an excellent job of covering the gray. Personally, I think your stylist is doing too much. In over 20 years of hair coloring, I don't think I've ever had toner applied.

Secondly, you might want to shop around and see if you can find someone with more experience covering gray. I'm guessing that your current stylist doesn't have a lot of experience with gray hair, but I could be wrong. I would recommend the Redken product that my stylist uses, but I just moved and I have no idea where the info is. Good thing my stylist has it written down!

As for the dreaded budget, my stylist and I have an understanding: I touch up the roots myself for a couple months, then go to her for an all-over color. (I'm unemployed, so I have to do this to save money.) She charges more for an all-over color, and less for roots touch-up.

I really hope you find someone who can cover the gray, and stay within your budget. I was positively ecstatic when I found someone who could actually color my hair and cover the gray. Good luck to you!

Posted on August 27, 2007 16:11

Erin said:

Toner is essential if you are lightening your hair. But all that stuff is not essential every 7 weeks.

I am, admittedly, a hair princess. I am also budget-conscious. Sort of. My stylist and I are good outside-the-salon friends. She's a fabulous colorist, and this is what she has me doing. I'm a natural blonde (a 9 on the scale), but it is dull, so we pump up the color with permanent single process, followed by a glaze for condition and shininess. (She just does this because she likes it.) I get the roots touched up every 8ish weeks, but only on the color. I get highlights usually every other time--16 weeks in between, and sometimes I'll get lowlights then too.

She cuts it every 16 weeks, maybe. (I do have long hair, and she'll trim things in between for no charge when I'm in there touching up my roots.)

Seriously. I'm a princess about my hair, and doing that much to your hair every 7 weeks is far, far too much. Is it dry??

Next time tell your stylist you are on a budget, and see what she proposes. If she clings to the entire process she was previously doing and is unwilling to work with you, it is time for a breakup.

Posted on August 27, 2007 18:34

Stacitee said:

Sadly, this is happening to me too. I'm going in for highlights tomorrow and I'm so glad I read this first. I've always wondered why my stylist uses semi-permanent color to cover my gray hair.

Also, my sister goes in for highlights every 8 weeks... I'm not even kidding. We use the same stylist. Hmmmmmm.

Posted on August 28, 2007 02:17

KMS said:

I have to wholeheartedly disagree if you are a brunette. I too, have been coloring my hair since I was 18 for gray hairs. You cannot go to single process unless you want to get your roots done every 3-4 weeks. Grays show up very very fast. You need those highlights (in my case, blonde) so that the grays will blend for a bit longer. But you definitely only need partial highlights around the face, not full highlights.

Here is what I suggest: you get all over color and highlights (the toner is a must). The next visit about 7 weeks later, you only get the roots done. Some people are resistant to this, they fear it will not blend. Believe me it will, if you are coloring anywhere near to your natural hair color. The next time, you get roots only again. Then the 4th time, you get all over color and highlights. My hairdresser is good enough that I rarely get all over color, she just does roots and then goes back over my highlighted pieces. I swear by this routine. Also, I have to get my haircut every 7 weeks b/c my hair is curly and dry, but the other commenters are right that you might not need cuts this much.

Posted on August 28, 2007 07:51

Broad said:

@ KMS: See, now I've heard from my colorist that toner is completely unnecessary if the colorist knows what they're doing; it's a total cheat so that they don't have to think about how long to leave the bleach in.

Otherwise, I follow exactly your routine and swear by it, too.

Posted on August 28, 2007 11:59

AJMICK said:

Wow. God bless my recessive genes! I'm a natural blonde and whenever I switch stylists they ask who colors my hair and I get to smile and tell them it's natural. I can't even imagine going through all of this and spending so much for hair color; but if I had to, I'm sure I would do it, too. I do get mine cut once every 8-10 weeks but I have long layers and fine hair and it starts looking pretty rough if I go too long. And to control any brassiness I do use John Frieda glaze mixed with my conditioner about once a week or so - it works great.

Posted on August 28, 2007 17:47

Suzy Q said:

AJMICK: Do you use the Frieda glaze for blondes or the no-color one? I also do not color my hair but since the grays have started blending in, I've noticed my hair is duller than it used to be. I need more shine!

Posted on August 28, 2007 18:00

AJMICK said:

Suzy Q - I use the one for blondes. I will add that I've been using it a couple years now (or as long as it's been on the market?) and may not have noticed a HUGE difference the first couple times I used it but now my hair is very shiny and I never get the red/brassy tones. It's a subtle change which is good as I think there's less risk for damage and it's so much easier than trying to use the glaze in a box every couple months. Actually, that might be a way to start; do the glaze in a box for a more intense treatment and then just upkeep with the John Frieda?

Posted on August 29, 2007 13:40

jenjenqld said:

Dear Amy

I love your column....

I have found a trick to stop the expense of foils/highlights; I only have them hidden under the top layers of my hair. I touch up my own roots every 2-3 weeks (grey hair grows super fast in Indonesia) and can have wonderful blonde highlights peaking through with at least an inch of regrowth hidden.
I now get highlights every 3-4 months and save so much money.

Posted on August 30, 2007 05:48

e007 said:

I started going grey in my early 20's (I'm now 29) and go to my salon about every 10-12 weeks to get "color touch-up." It's an Aveda salon and my stylist basically just brushes the color on my roots(which luckily perfectly matches my natural brunette color). Grey shows up very well in brunette's so 12 weeks is usually the longest I can wait.

Posted on August 30, 2007 12:46

Ann said:

I have ashy light brown hair and starting going grey in my early-mid 20's - I get highlights/lowlights to lighten up my color and cover up grey. I go to my stylist every 6-8 weeks and really couldn't wait much longer than 8 weeks because my grey shows very quickly.

In general, it just seems like brunettes end up having to do a little more maintenance on their hair to avoid noticeable grey.

Posted on August 30, 2007 13:32

Mary said:

I have to disagree with the haircut thing. My hairstyle is very basic, low maintenance, but I do have bangs, and I get a haircut every seven weeks or it drives me nuts. A bang trim doesn't do the trick for me. I am a brunette with mid-40s gray coming in. I get blond highlights (foil) which blend with the gray and really look good, IMO. I go about three times a year.

Posted on September 2, 2007 23:27

Megan M said:

I've got to chime in with the brunettes who are saying you can't go that long between colorings if you have naturally dark hair that you're trying to keep dark (i.e., not gray). I'm a 31 year old brunette with very dark but mousy hair naturally. I get blond highlights every 6 to 8 weeks to help blend in the gray roots that come in (but just on the crown and sides where I'm graying) plus either a root touch up or all-over color each time.

I only got toner put in the 1st time I had highlights done, and that was because I was lightning to blonde hair that had been previously darkened.

This all costs me about $180 each go. It's expensive, but I like my stylist and I am too damm young to go gray!

Posted on September 5, 2007 22:05

iamboysgirl said:

Wow.. I can't imagine spending anywhere near this kind of money to color my hair. I'm a dark brunette, who also started going gray at 18... I'm now 41. I color my own. Loving Care Gray Solutions is the ONLY thing I've found that covers the VERY shiny, white gray ones... and they are everywhere! I have to touch up the roots every 4 weeks, but it only costs me $9... for all you budget conscious ladies out there, you can't beat that.

Posted on September 6, 2007 16:46

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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy in a Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

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