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The Case of the Lowballed Babysitter

Published 07.14.2008 | Permanent Link | Comments (29)

Dear Amy,

I'd appreciate your advice regarding this situation. My sister is an elementray school counselor who regularly babysits during the summers. She recently asked a friend for referrals for new babysitting jobs for the summer and almost immediately began babysitting for a family with 4 adopted children, one of which has special needs and therefore frequent 1-2 hour doctor appointments.

Here's the problem: when asked how much she charged, my sister replied that it varies depending on the situation, but that she had been pleased receiving $12/hr for two children from the family that she has helped the longest. The first night she sat for this family the woman asked her if $10/hour would be OK since the kids all 4 went to bed at 7pm and she would only be sitting there for a couple of hours waiting for the parents to get home. My sister replied politely that that amount would be fine understanding the reasoning behind the price was because she really wouldn't be interacting with the children except for a few minutes.

The family has continued to ask her to babysit frequently, mostly during the day and my sister would love to continue helping them as she deparately needs the money. However, the family continues to pay her $10/hour for four kids for daytime sitting. She also has to drive almost 45 minutes round trip to their house and back and the skyrocketing gas prices obviously cut in to her earnings drastically.

When the gas issue came up once before the mother started paying an additional $5 per visit (not per hour) to compensate, but as anyone can quickly figure the national average price for a gallon of gas is $4 and that won't touch a 45 minute drive.

It's not that the family cannot afford to pay more. They are a wealthy family living in a nice house, talking of a long European vacation and multiple extravagant home improvement projects. They are good people and love their children and my sister; they just don't seem to have a clue how to pay a babysitter for 4 kids.

As a counselor, my sister has a deep love for children and she wants to be there for these kids who so desperately want and need attention (can you imagine being adopted and 1 of 4, not to mention the one with the special needs?). She just cannot continue working for them for what feels like less than minimum wage. She is a professional, not a 13 year old girl across the street. How can she change her situation without giving up on the family altogether and without sounding like a demanding, ungrateful twit?

-C

Simple. She needs to speak up, clearly and absolutely definitively. "I'm sorry to do this to you on such short notice, but with the cost of gas and some rising living expenses, I now charge $XX per hour for babysitting, for both day and evening hours. I hope you understand."

There's no need to go into more details -- i.e. getting defensive about the initial pay discussion or quibbling over why $10 was okay in that situation but not now. If she wants to keep the family as a client, she definitely needs to avoid embarrassing them or making them feel badly over cheaping out on childcare. Just a direct declarative sentence. She probably makes hundreds of them a day in her "real" job -- I wonder if this summer babysitting gig is making her (and her backbone) regress a tad, thus allowing this family to treat her like the 13-year-old across the street instead of, you know, the competent educational professional that she really is.

After this discussion, if the family does hire her again (which I really imagine they would, even if they do try to find someone else, because they're in for some sticker shock when the next sitter bluntly announces that four kids = $25/hour, non-negotiable) (hell, we pay more per hour than she's getting for ONE kid, and I'd never dream of trying to get an early-bedtime discount, because time is time), she might want to remind them of the new rate when she accepts, or count the money before she leaves. If they lowball her at all, she should smile brightly and say something like, "Oops! My rates have gone up. Five hours at $XX. Thanks." Awkward, I know. But again, we all have the right to check the number on our paychecks each pay period and wouldn't hesitate marching into Human Resources in case of a discrepancy.

(Don't MAKE me get into the crazy devaluing of childcare we've got going on in this country, or the weird refusal of so many people to see it as real and important work, whether performed by a parent or nanny or sitter.)

Obviously, there's no guarantee that the family will take this well -- I don't know them or their motives for underpaying your sister. Are they just clueless? Bad at math? Really cheap? Arrogant? Manipulative? $10 an hour for four children is...no. I understand your sister is attached to the children and all but if money is the priority than...money needs to be the priority, and there's nothing wrong with that. These aren't her children; it's not her responsibility to make sure they're being cared for by a loving, competent person. It's their parents' responsibility, and a huge part of that responsibility is to pay a fair, agreed-upon wage for this extremely important and valuable service.

If they truly don't understand how valuable a good babysitter is, well. Time to move on. Off to Craigslist or the bulletin board at Whole Foods. I'm sure there's no shortage of families who would trade their own gas budget for a sitter like your sister. In fact, I bet there's no shortage of people reading this column ("non-teenaged English-speaking educational counselor? with references and her own car?") with their fingers itching to post WHERE DOES SHE LIVE? I'LL HIRE HER! OMG! in the comments section.

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Comments (29):

Maxine Dangerous said:

Good Lord! I made $9/hour babysitting three kids when I was 17 and that was 17 years ago. You know, when gas was affordable and babysitting hadn't become a racket. Er, I mean, a good way for teens to make money. :D

Posted on July 14, 2008 13:31

CynthiaJane said:

While I think it's rather sweet of Sister to vary her charge based on the situation, it presents opportunities to be taken advantage of. Obviously I don't know these people, but I really don't think the Missus is lowballing sister out of cluelessness, and she's not financially strapped. If she was clueless, she would have latched on to the $12 amount Sister had been happy with for 2 children. But no, she waits until Sister shows up to babysit, and then offers her a lower amount for her 4 children with an excuse as to why it's lower. That's a pretty astute way of getting someone pliable to simply say yes. Unless Missus is one of that small group of women who never ever drive or pump gas, she's knows dang well that $5 isn't going to cover gas. With four kids, I doubt this is the very first time she has ever used a babysitter, and I would be shocked if she paid so little previously.

With the adoption of a special needs child, Missus & Hubby remind me of a friend of mine who has devoted her life to non-profit work among the poor and needy. This does not stop Friend from being self-absorbed at times to the point of outright selfishness in her dealings with friends and co-workers who do not fall into the "needy and unfortunate" category. It's possible for some people to be incredibly generous in some areas of their life while being stingy and manipulative in other areas. Sister sounds like a sweetheart who needs to learn to stand up for herself.

Posted on July 14, 2008 14:54

Anne Glamore said:

Before my boys could stay home alone, I'd pay anything a good sitter asked and tip her well besides so she;d come back. A good sitter means freedom and peace of mind that your kids are in capable hands.

The sitter can name her price-- she really has the upper hand.

In other words, What Amy Said!

Posted on July 14, 2008 14:57

Jessica said:

For her to come out even, she should charge AT LEAST $25 per hour! 4 kids? One with special needs? Yeah, and driving 45 minutes each way? The parents should expect to put out $25 per hour at least for that kind of help.

Speak up, and don't feel bad. This is her JOB in the summers - not just something she does because she is bored!

Posted on July 14, 2008 15:04

Liz said:

I totally agree with other commenters, this woman is taking advantage of this sitter. While I can truly understand the sitter's concern for the kids and not wanting to leave them in the lurch, she's not running a charity. The commute itself is to some extent the sitter's choice (when they first talked on the phone and the sitter learned it would be such a long distance, she still chose to take the job), but $10/hour for 4 kids is ridiculous, and the mother knows it.

Posted on July 14, 2008 15:51

the maven said:

When I was a 15 year old babysitter across the street, I made $10/hour for 6 kids (no special needs, no driving, just playing in the house). That was 13 years ago (gulp).

It is time for these people to pay for the service they are being provided.

Posted on July 14, 2008 17:47

Nothing But Bonfires said:

Yeah, I made $10 an hour for TWO kids and I was 18 and it was 1998. Someone needs to teach this lady about inflation.

Posted on July 14, 2008 18:18

heather said:

I'm a nanny and I would suggest calling before she are scheduled again and tell them her new rate. I say this because they could only have so much cash at the time they are paying you or they could decide they don't want to pay that much and then she would again be getting less money.

If they are smart, they will pay you more. If not, their loss!

Also, someone said $25.00 per hour and I think is a bit much. I think $15-18 is more likely.

Posted on July 14, 2008 19:05

Nicole said:

I recently graduated from college with a degree in education and while in the process of looking for a classroom position, I nanny. While I've now found some wonderful families whose kids I love and who pay me what I'm worth, it did take some time. I've found that because I "love kids so much" people are almost offended that I'm not dying to watch their childen for minimum wage. Cause, you know, their angels are so easy to take care of that it's not even really work.....yeah, no.

But that said, being up front about it really helps. I have a x qualifications, can provide y refences and I charge $z/hour...day, night, weekends, whatever.

Posted on July 14, 2008 19:48

Rachel C said:

I am a nanny for 3 boys (one infant) and I make $15 per hour. Honestly I think that is an appropriate rate when I just have the baby, but I wish I had asked for more money per hour for hours when I have all 3. 3 (and 4) kids is a lot of work and I can't imagine having one with special needs on top of the 3 I already take care of. I say go in and ask for $18 per hour at the very least. Be strong!

Also check out nannies4hire and babysitters4hire if you want more families to sit for!

Posted on July 14, 2008 20:02

Clancy said:

I think that another key point is this woman's sister has what I'm presuming is an advanced childcare degree - she's not just fresh outta high school or some English major looking to make a few bucks. $25 dollars may be high for the 19 year old college student, but for a specialty graduate I think it's pretty reasonable. Especially since she seems more qualified to take care of the special needs child than 98% percent of the general babysitting pool.

Posted on July 14, 2008 20:29

Miss Britt said:

No. Seriously. Where does she live??

I pay $8/hr for two kids. To a 16 year old girl without a car.

Posted on July 14, 2008 20:43

Muirnait said:

Ah, underpayment of child care workers...I currently work in a day care. Uh, yeah ;-) I WISH I could make $20ish. Try half that.

Posted on July 14, 2008 21:19

Suzy Q said:

You know what? I hope you ask for, and get, the $25 per hour. Even ONE special needs kid is a lot of responsibility, let alone with three others to attend to. These people are very lucky to have you. If they don't appreciate you (monetarily), find another place. People seem to be desperate for good child care.

Posted on July 15, 2008 00:07

Jasmine said:

OMG ... we're so underpaid in Singapore! Babysitting is like $5 per hour, same as waitressing and other temporary jobs.

Posted on July 15, 2008 09:41

cls said:

I understand that the cost of living varies in different parts of the country, but $10/hour for 4 kids is insane. Purely insane.
I really hope that this sister asks for a pay raise and emails Amalah to let us all know how things went, because I feel bad just thinking about someone getting exploited that way. Someone with a degree in childcare, too.

Posted on July 15, 2008 11:20

Lori said:

Ha. Back in the Dark Ages (that would be the 1970s), I babysat for a family with four children under eight and an incontinent sheepdog for the princely sum of SEVENTY-FIVE CENTS PER HOUR. And I was expected to do "light housework."
Sorry for that unwarranted detour down Memory Lane, but Sis needs to follow all the stellar advice in this post. And that family needs to be thankful that such an accommodating person stepped up to the plate for them.

Posted on July 15, 2008 11:40

kat said:

Hi Amy,

Love your advice on the Smackdown! However, I think you missed the boat on the recent note to the babysitter who was disappointed by what her “rich” client paid her.

My first issue is that if she wants to be treated like a professional then she needs to act like one. Provide potential clients a price list based on the number of kids to be watched, add in extra charges for errands, cleaning and/or overnight stays. She should offer to provide her SSN for tax purposes; she should include a copy of her driving record, car insurance and credentials (if she has a degree, certification, etc.). If she doesn’t want to be treated like the 16-year old next door then she needs to show that this is a business for her. I certainly don’t agree to any professional job without knowing what I will be paid. For current clients she should add a date when the new prices will go into effect so that they can make their decision on whether they want to continue.

Everyone is affected by the rising gas prices. Employers normally do not pay for your commute. She might need to consider only taking jobs that are within a certain acceptable radius. While on the job she should record her mileage for errands or appointments that are done for the family and bill them based on the federal reimbursement rate.

I think telling your employer that you are being effected by rising costs thus they should pay you more if not acceptable. It appears that you can’t manage your budget.

Second, there is an important life lesson in her question. She mentions that the family has a lot of money. How does she know that and why is it her business? Just because the family takes trip or has nice cars does not mean that they have money. We all have credit cards and save and prioritize for different items. We have been saving for years for a 3 week European vacation. We are not rich, we save. She should not think it is her job to take from the rich to give to the poor (herself). Her enjoyment in life and her professional success will be greatly reduced if she maintains the mindset that others that “appear” to have more should give it to her. Heck – I am a liberal democrat and I even believe this!

Would she accept to less money if the people “appear” to be poor?

Again, I enjoy your column.

Posted on July 15, 2008 11:44

ikate said:

I agree with so much here. I got paid $10/hr for 2 kids back in the early 1990s in small-town Ohio. I was always busy and made several thousand dollars a year in high-school with my baby-sitting money so I know this wasn't outrageous. What this woman is making for 4 kids is crazy. She needs to tell the woman that her prices are going up on X date - no details needed.

However, I also agree with Kat when she said that employers normally do not pay for your commute so that shouldn't be a factor in asking for a "raise" and that there is no way for the sitter to know how "rich" someone is so basing the want for more per hour on that is also just an excuse for the sitter's lack of negotiating in the start.

To me it sounds like the sitter forgot that she was an adult when she took the first job with this family if she said she was "pleased" to get $12/hr for two children. Unless she sets out flat rates and is firm and fair with all clients, she's going to continue to be screwed by this and other families.

And, for the sake of comparison, in a large Ohio city I pay a 22 year old with a degree in early-childhood education and a car $10/hr for one 2-year old. I asked her what she charged and she said "about $8/hr" but since she drives about 15 miles to my house I pay a bit more. And I DO pay a smaller amount on nights when she only baby-sits when my daughter is sleeping. But I don't switch rates on one night (for instance, if she comes one hour before bedtime she gets $10 for the whole night, but if she comes after bedtime I pay $8 all night) and we talk about the rate when the job is set up. She seems more than happy with this situation and has re-arranged social plans to accommodate last minute requests. From talking with other parents I’ve gathered that the going rate for area high-school aged sitters is about $6/hr for one kid.

Finally, there is great post about this over at Blog Nosh:
http://www.blognosh.com/2008/07/whatever-is-not.html

Posted on July 15, 2008 15:21

lizneust said:

Um...does the sister live near Boston? Seriously? Because I'm moving and am in desperate need of a sitter - 2 little girls, mostly well behaved. Please oh please say she is near Boston. (I'm not kidding - I am REALLY not kidding.)

Posted on July 15, 2008 16:47

Someone Being Me said:

I agree. I pay $10 an hour for a college student to babysit my 1 child. And she only lives 5 minutes from my house. I think $10 per hour is a starting point with one child and additional money should be charged for additional children. As a parent I wouldn't be offended if my babysitter upped her price as long as she didn't get too crazy expensive. I could use someone else if I didn't like her price.

Posted on July 15, 2008 16:48

YS said:

I have to agree with Kat on this one. Ditto everything she said.
I'd just add that she may have a degree, but this is only a summer job for her, so it's not clear to me that I would pay her more/get that much more benefit than if I hired a neighborhood kid, who my kids knew and who could sit year-round.
I imagine that her employer is not taking withholding on her $10, so it's hardly 'minimum wage'.
If she feels like she needs a closer job, fine. If she wants to ask for a raise or find another job that pays more, fine. But this vilifying her employers, and building them up in her mind as cheap and arrogant or whatever, and casting herself as the poor victim who just loves children so much she sacrifices her own interests for them (for 2-3 months part-time) does no-one any good.

Posted on July 15, 2008 22:08

Nic said:

We pay $12/hr for one kid, just to add to the price comparison comments

Posted on July 16, 2008 09:53

Grace said:

I'm confused about why the children being adopted figures into the issue. What's the relevancy?

Posted on July 16, 2008 17:15

qwyneth said:

Wow. There are a lot of conflicting opinions here.

When I babysat, 10+ years ago, I made about $8-10/hour for two kids. I would fully expect the rates to go up for more kids and for a special needs child. I would also expect an education professional to demand higher rates. You get what you pay for; high school students are fine for some people, but others require or would prefer a more experienced and educated caretaker. If that's what you want, you should be prepared to pay extra. Period.

My guess is that this woman is taking advantage of your sister. She should call her and explain her rates have gone up to X amount. If the woman is not willing to pay that or does not follow through, then she should stop working for her.

Kat and YS, I agree that the sister should be more proactive about this and treat it like the job it is. But I can understand her reticence to do so. I personally hate talking about money, and was terrible at demanding set rates as a teenager. While I like to think I'd be better at it now, I can understand how easy it would be to fall back on old behavior. And this is a legitimate problem--the woman is simply not paying the sister market rate, and it was implied early on that she would be paying more.

Grace, C mentioned that all 4 children are young. If they were adopted at birth obviously that wouldn't be a problem, but many children who were adopted at an older age have special needs for a few years due to their time in an orphanage. I can understand why C's sister would not want to disrupt their development by quitting if they have become attached to her. But, I'm just speculating.

Posted on July 17, 2008 10:30

qwyneth said:

Also, I forgot to mention that I'd be extremely interested to hear what happens!

Posted on July 17, 2008 10:31

Colleen said:

oy! I feel cheap! I'm in the DC suburbs and pay one of the high school gals from daycare $10/hr for my two boys. Usually she has them for an hour or so, then they're in bed for the remaining time. I asked her what her rate was up-front so that I could ensure we had enough cash, but she just said, "whatever". And she is the third girl from the daycare that has said that. I don't know if the girls are a little intimidated with setting a rate because they're afraid of pricing themselves out of a job (especially since in most other jobs, your employer tells YOU what THEY will be paying you), or what. But I asked around and took an average from what other parents were paying...when we just had 1 kid, we'd pay $7/hr for evenings; $8/hr during the day...and with 2 kids I pay $10/hr for evenings and $11/hr for daytime. And we always told the gal the lower rate and just gave her more for daytime as more of a tip. Bad maybe, but true.

Posted on July 17, 2008 16:40

Jessica said:

Wow... for some one with an advanced degree she's not very bright. God that was mean Im sorry, but FOUR children and one special needs? And she started the bidding at $12? And then went LOWER? Thats nuts. It may be tough to talk money, but she should think of it this way... what are her services WORTH? I'd say ALOT more. Depending on the cost of living in her area it'd fair to charge anywhere between $4-10 per hour per child, as well as to be reimbursed for gas. Maybe not the cost of getting to and from work (she knew what the commute would be when she accepted the position) but definately for all those doctors appointments and such. Cost of living here is fairly high and good daycare hard to find and harder to afford (seriously her daycare she used to go to cost the same as our mortgage and it wasn't even one of the "specialty" ones)so I pay my colleged age brother $10 an hour to watch my 2 year old. She listens to him like he's god (doesn't do this for many people, certainly not me). And he doesn't have to drive anywhere, he lives with us. And if he has to drive like to the doctor or the zoo or playspace I figure out the approximate mileage and give him gas money up front. And I have to book him for weekend nights in advance-- he stated up front that last minute baby sitting gigs would not be accepted unless some one was dying.

Posted on July 19, 2008 22:10

Katrina said:

I apologize if this is inappropriate etiquette for your site Amy, but lizneust - I live in the Boston area and babysit part-time (nights and weekends). I'm not an elementary school counselor, but a very experienced babysitter and a college grad. You can reach me at katrinacr@gmail.com if you'd like!

Posted on July 23, 2008 20:18

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Amalah is a pseudonym of Amy Corbett Storch. A Washington D.C.-based freelance writer. The Smackdown is published on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. You can follow Amy's daily mothering adventures at www.amalah.com. Also, it's pronounced AIM-ah-lah.

Amy also documented her second pregnancy in a Weekly Pregnancy Calendar, Zero to Forty.

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