Advice Smackdowntag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//82009-11-20T17:41:37ZMovable Type 3.33The Advice Smackdown Holiday Baby Gift Guidetag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26682009-11-19T19:18:03Z2009-11-20T17:41:37ZWe let an actual 13-month-old write this guide, so you know it's good. Or at least won't contain any big words.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Little Taggies Blanket
Taggies seemed to hit the big-time after Noah's babyhood, so I wasn't familiar with the brand until my sister gave us a small blanket for Ezra's first Christmas. He was just over two months old and seemed to enjoy LOOKING at the brightly-colored blanket, but not much else. Some babies use them as teethers; he still ignored it. But I kept tossing it in the crib or diaper bag, and now he love it. LOVES IT. He sleeps with it every night, rubbing his thumb over a different tag while snuggling up with the fleece. It's a great transitional/comfort object for the car or travel, and I love the tactile aspect of Taggies. This is a go-to gift for any expectant mom or younger baby.
Munchkin Mozart Magic Cube
Another smashingly successful gift from my sister. Who, now that I think about it, should probably be writing this guide instead of me. I especially like that this a toy with some decent growing room -- a six-month-old will simply delight in being able to turn it on, a one-year-old will start experimenting with turning the different panels on and off, and a preschooler will finally learn associating the sounds and tones with the correct instruments.
Fisher-Price Laugh & Learn Learning Puppy
Listening to Ezra play with this toy sounds something like this: HEART! RED HEART! HEE HEE THAT TICKLES I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU MORNING NOON AND NIGH- HEAD SHOULDERS KNEES AN- FOOT GREEN FOOT YOU'RE WONDERF- BYE BYE! ...And then howls of woe because he accidentally turned it off. God, he loves this thing.
Fisher-Price Interactive Baby Grand Piano
Noah received this as a gift when he was probably a bit too old for it -- 15 months and walking, no longer content to pull up and stand too long around stationary toys -- so we pulled it out as soon as Ezra was sitting up unassisted. It had to go away briefly RIGHT when he started pulling up (it tips over) and then came back once he got a little more stable. Noah was a big fan of his Leapfrog table, but Ezra has always, always preferred the piano. (Though you probably won't go wrong with either.)
Hasbro Playskool Busy Ball Popper
I already wrote about this one, oh yes I did. It remains, BY A LONGSHOT, the single most thrilling toy either of my children have ever seen, next to those dang gurgling bubble tube things at the Baltimore Aquarium, which is to say: AAAAAAEEEEIIIIIYAAAAAYAAAAHHHHHBALLLS!!!!11!!!ONE
Nest & Stack Buckets
Nest & Stack Buckets
Okay, so there are easily about 400 variations on this toy -- nesting/stacking blocks/cups/whatevers. They're all just fine, and your baby will probably love playing with them, and they teach a variety of essential skills. I really like this set because 1) they're plastic and transition to really fun bath/beach toys later, and 2) they stack REALLY REALLY HIGH, at least to a baby and toddler, which endlessly delighted both of my kids.
Soothe & Glow Seahorse
I turn this toy on and he falls asleep. I mean...what else could you possibly want in life?
BlaBla Knitted Cat Doll
Okay, I have to be honest: I completely misread the price tag on this thing. I thought the first four was a two and since I was buying some gifts at the same time I didn't realize my mistake until AFTER I'd left the store and pulled out the receipt because jeez, that was more expensive than I thought it would be and OH MY GOD, I just spent $44 on a stuffed toy that my baby briefly smiled at and will now ignore for the rest of his life. Luckily, BlaBla here turned out to be Ezra's very best friend. His reliable Lovey, beloved probably even more than his Taggies blanket, dragged everywhere by his back legs, his face chewed on and squished at every occasion. It's a really wonderful toy. Uber-soft yarn and understuffed just to that point of perfect squishiness, AND machine washable (gentle cycle). Hand-knitted by artisans in Peru. They're available in so, so many adorable styles too. I will be buying one for every new baby I know, WHETHER THE BABY LIKES IT OR NOT. SO THERE.
And lastly, a few of our less successful baby-related purchases and gifts:Graco imonitor Digital Color Video Baby Monitor: While the picture quality was comparable to other monitors, the killer problem with the Graco model is the CRAPTASTICALLY SHORT battery life of the parental unit. I essentially had to leave it plugged in all the time, as the thing would up and die without warning all the time. This is fine if you're using it only at night and can keep it plugged in on your nightstand, but if you want to move around the house or keep it in your pocket during the day (when the "color" part actually works -- it's black & white at night), the battery barely lasts the length of your average nap. We swapped it for a Summer monitor and were much, much happier.
Playskool Air-Powered Busy Ball-Tivity Center: After the success of the Ball Popper, this one seemed like a TOTAL homerun. Balls! Air! Music! Spinny things! Unfortunately, this is a terribly inferior sequel. Both boys mobbed and clawed at the box while I struggled to get batteries in and assemble the strange parts, and then I turned it on and...blah. I don't get it. They didn't get it. Noah stacked a few of the pieces for awhile, Ezra wanted nothing to do with any of it, I eventually reclaimed the batteries for use in our more popular toys.
Brilliant Basics Baby's First Blocks: I have a theory about these shape-sorting toys, which always label themselves as being for six months and up. No six-month-old can actually sort the shapes, but they CAN fling them around the house and under furniture and right in your late-night path to the bathroom, particularly the hard, pointy star shape. By the time your baby is ACTUALLY READY for a shape-sorting toy, all the shapes have been lost for a good six to eight months. So you have to buy another one. All of this is to say: This is a fine toy, but seriously, don't buy it for a six-month-old.
Born Free Teether with Gum Massagr: Well, Ezra liked it just fine, but I hated it. The "gum massager" part gets absolutely filthy -- ours picked up every stray hair and snarled them like a hairbrush, and every time I picked it up I had to bust out the scissors to cut freaking hairballs off the thing. Finally the grime and lint and STUFF got so embedded in the little silicone teethie things that I just chucked it. Basically: go for this teether only if you are an IMPECCABLE housekeeper, or your entire household is bald. ]]>
The Advice Smackdown Holiday Beauty Gift Guidetag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26662009-11-18T05:11:06Z2009-11-20T17:43:10ZIt's the most. Wonderful time. Of the year!Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
For the (Wanna-Be) Natural Beauty
EcoTools Gift Sets, $4.99 - $16.99, ULTA
The key to looking like you're not wearing any makeup? Is to apply your makeup with the right tools. EcoTools are affordable, quality brushes made from recycled and sustainable materials. Plus, they're really pretty.
The World of Kiehl's Holiday Gift Set, $45, Kiehl's
This gift would be especially awesome for your mom or mother-in-law or really, anyone who would appreciate a gentle nudge in the direction of quality, natural ingredients in their skin and haircare regimen.
Laura Mercier Flawless Face Kit (Original & Oil-Free), $65, Amazon and Sephora
I could sing the praises of this kit all day. ALL DAY. Ever since Sephora stopped carrying my beloved Sue Devitt, the Laura Mercier Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer has been my go-to foundation. And the Undercover Pot is currently in the running for PRODUCT OF THE CENTURY -- two different concealers completely erase blemishes, enlarged pores, undereye circles, redness, sunspots/melasma...while a translucent powder keeps everything looking light and natural all day. The value kit also includes all the tools you need to apply everything perfectly and stretch your product supply for as long as possible.
Philosophy Makeup Optional Set, $78, Amazon, Sephora and ULTA
The name says it all, doesn't it? Yeah, for $78 this is a gift for someone that you really, really love. But seriously, giving the gift of Philosophy can change a life. Those of you who have made the switch know what I'm talking about, particularly those of you who have emailed me offers of your first-born children as a thank you. To which I say: No, not necessary, I simply suggest that you pay it forward by treating someone special with this set.
For the Serious Makeup LoverSephora Brand Smokey Eyes Palette, $38, Sephora
Want smokey eyes but aren't sure how to accomplish it? This is a great "for dummies" kit that makes it all but foolproof. Get it for yourself or for your favorite party girl, or your best childhood friend in thanks for all of those high school sleepover makeovers she allowed you to subject her to.
Tarte Treasure Chest, $52, Amazon and Sephora
I must admit something: I totally already bought this for me, me, me. And I would buy it again, again, again. It's stunning. It's amazing. It's over $600 worth of makeup for $52. Usually I'm not a big palette lover because I end up using only a fraction of the offered colors while being baffled by the rest, even Tarte's more dramatic shadow and lip shades go on lovely and subtle, so you can mostly experiment without fear of looking like a circus clown. I'm especially in love with the Soft Pink Luminizer -- use it to freshen up that foundation that you bought in the summer and now looks too dark, or use it alone with some concealer or bronzer for a make-up free look. Bonus: Tarte cosmetics are completely free of parabens, phthalates, GMOs, and a ton of other less-than-desirable ingredients.
Sephora Brand Ultimate Blockbuster, $48, Sephora
Okay, I have to say that this kit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Like, it would so overwhelm me every morning that I would probably never manage to put makeup on again. The choices! The colors! The just-when-you-thought-it-couldn't-fold-out-anymore-there's-a-whole-other-tray! But I have to include it, because...well, it's B-A-N-A-N-A-S. You should not be able to get this much makeup for $48, especially when you consider that Sephora's store brand of makeup is ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD. If you want a total "wow" gift for someone this year, this could be just what you're looking for.
For the Hair GoddessLUSH Solid Shampoos, $9.25, LUSH
Know someone who's just plain bored with her haircare routine? Constantly trying out the latest and greatest shampoo recommendation in search of true love? Shake things up with a LUSH solid shampoo, the little bars that are completely natural and last between 60 and 80 washes. Yeah. For real. Make your own little dream gift set by including one of LUSH's awesome hair deep treatments ($15.95 - $19.95).
Phyto à Porter Frequent Use Collection, $12, Amazon & Sephora
This mini set of luxury hair products is formulated for all hair types, but Phyto also offers more specialized sets for dry and colored hair.
Carol's Daughter Tui Hair Holiday Set, $37, Amazon & Sephora
Sumptuous packaging and sumptuous moisture for the driest hair out there. If your hair waves, curls, frizzes, breaks and bends, these products can help tame it back to soft and manageable. (And did I mention how darned PRETTY the set is?)
Ojon Winter Shine & Protect Ritual Kit, $44, Amazon & Sephora
This is one of those "a $100 value!" sets being sold at half price in hopes of suckering you into the brand. Feel free to cackle evil-y at the cash register because it's really just giving YOU the chance to give someone an eyebrow-raising, expensive-looking gift for under fifty bucks. Give it to someone with tangly, flyaway-prone hair and prepare to hear nothing but raves about your awesome gift-giving skillz all winter long.
For the Teen Who Wants EverythingUrban Decay Apocalyptic Nail Kit, $26, Amazon & Sephora
My mom would NEVER approve of these punky polish colors, which is exactly why I've always been fond of giving them to my niece. You know, for her toes! No harm in a little Fbomb as long as it stays in your shoes, right? I still say it's more appropriate than Britney Spears' perfumes, at any rate.
Sephora Favorites My First Makeup Kit Deluxe Sampler, $32, Amazon & Sephora
Honestly, if you can ignore the "My First" bit of the name, this kit is a GREAT sampler for pretty much anyone looking to treat themselves to some new makeup and move beyond the Maybelline. If you've got a friend who is always complaining about her makeup or goes completely deer-in-the-headlights at Sephora, consider getting her this fun grab-bag of reliable little best-sellers.
Sephora Deluxe Fragrance Sampler For Her, $50, Amazon & Sephora
Wait, hear me out: while $50 seems ridiculous for a box of itty bitty perfume samples, there's more to this set than meets the eye. It's part gift set, part gift card, as the recipient can choose her favorite from one of the 12 samples and redeem an enclosed voucher for a FULL-SIZED BOTTLE. All of which retail at $50 or more, easily. Brilliant.
Ultra CHI Holiday Flat Iron, $119.95, ULTA
Look, if a teenage girl wants to flat-iron her hair, she's going to flat-iron her hair. At least make sure she's not doing it with a $19.99 metal monstrosity she bought with her babysitting money. Treat her to one of these fantastic ceramic CHI irons in six super-cute colors and patterns. These are usually $150, and for a limited time Ulta will include a coordinating nail polish. (Which: okaaaay, but hey! It's a $16 value!)
For the FurbabiesPampered Pooch Collection, $44, Kiehl's
Sorry. Couldn't resist. If you've got a friend or family member who's delightfully insane about their dog, show them you understand with this gift -- tie a little homemade dog biscuit onto the package and prove that you're just as adorably pet-crazy as they are.
For the Secret Santa/Kids' Teachers/Holiday Hostess/Oops I Didn't Know We Were Exchanging Gifts This Year/Oops I Burned the Christmas CookiesBurt's Bees Bee Keeper Tin Gift Set, $9.99, ULTA (or wherever BB is sold)
I probably own a good four or five tubes of Burt's Bees lip balm, but they are currently pretty useless as I cannot find A SINGLE ONE. They vanish in purses, into the bottom of my nightstand drawer, under the couch. Who would have thought that a brightly-colored lip-balm storage solution would be so...practical? Available in classic beeswax or an assortment, and a mini-purse version.
LUSH Little Gestures Gift Sets, $14.95 -$22.95, LUSH
I could have honestly included these in a bunch of categories -- who doesn't love LUSH's handmade soaps and bath fizzies? As always, LUSH has a ton of fun themed boxes and products for that tough-to-shop-for person. Got a non-Christmas-specific gifting need? Check out the more holiday neutral Snow Fairy and You Shall Go To The Ball, or Hannukah fave Better Than a Blintz.
Philosophy 'Twas the Night Before, $20, Amazon & Sephora
It's milk and cookies! Get it? GEDDIT? Okay, you get it. Got it. It's also shower gel and bubble bath, and one of those perfect gifts to have around in case of a holiday gifting emergency, from a last-minute hostess gift to the announcement that your brother is bringing his brand-new girlfriend of five whole minutes to Christmas this year.
ULTA 5 for $5 Mix & Match (only available in stores, sorry)
If you're still in need of some handy stocking stuffers or last-minute gifts and have already blown through your shopping budget, visit an actual ULTA store for their "5 for $5" display. It's exactly what it sounds like: grab any five products -- mani/pedi essentials, bath & body products, mini makeup selections, hair& makeup brushes -- and pay five bucks.
______________
ALSO! Sephora just launched SephoraClaus today where they will be granting one beauty wish per day (up to $150), until December 18. Get thee there!]]>
]]>
How to Resist Junk Food at the Officetag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26632009-11-16T14:19:12Z2009-11-17T15:23:24ZI'm trying to have a healthy pregnancy, but everyone leaves me cookies, muffins, candy, whatever..."for the baby." Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by bonimoHey Amy!
(Please read this parenthetical as the standard you rule, I love your column, your blog, and now that I'm pregnant for the second time I am loving Zero to 40, swoon swoon, you rock, The End.)
Now I'll get to the point! This is a pregnancy question, but it's a little different. Over the past 10 months, I have been on a fitness and nutritional coaching program. I lost 50 pounds but, more importantly, became much, much healthier. Thing is, while people really respected those decisions before, now everyone leaves me cookies, muffins, candy, whatever "for the baby." Seriously? I gained 60 pounds with my daughter, who happened to be 9.5 pounds and prompted the doctor to say, "Does the mom have gestational diabetes?" when she was born. I don't want to do that again. I'm not going to over-indulge in refined junk. I'm trying for a VBAC, so I can't have another big-bellied giant growing in there. I avoid feeding my daughter HFCS and artificial colors and refined sugar, so why would I feed it to the one in the womb? I also don't want to feel as fatigued and gross as the first time. But come on. Baked goods. They are like my siren song of junkiness. Put a chocolate chip cookie in front of me and then expect me to toss it? OH IT IS SO HARD.
Basically, how do I get people -- specifically office people -- to stop doing this? Do I wear a sign reading "I give birth to giant children, be nice to my vajayjay and keep the sweets to yourself" or do I just keep trying to stay strong? It's nice of them, right? And yet... NOT nice, because the people leaving the food definitely know about how I eat! What would you do, great Amalah? I have 27 more weeks of this!
Thank you, Amy!
Knocked Up in DC
Lemme tell you about the easiest 10 pounds I ever lost: the month after I quit my office job to work from home, BAM, the extra pesky weight just melted off. Despite THINKING that I ate reasonably healthy, turns out that I was giving into the temptation of vending machine garbage and the constant, never-ending buffet of the Donated Community Office Snack Table. Krispy Kremes, homemade cookies, birthday cakes, client gift baskets and catered meeting leftovers. Oh, God. All smacking you in the face every time you simply wanted some water or a cup of coffee. I was powerless. POWERLESS.
So there are really two problems here: you need to cut off the supply of junk food, but if that fails (and let's be honest, it probably will), you need to be able to resist caving in, or at least from caving in so often.
Number one on the temptation beatdown is BREAKFAST. Do not skip or skimp on breakfast. Hit as many major food groups as you can in that one meal. Eggs, fruit/juice, whole grains. Include a healthier meat, if you can, like chicken sausage or turkey bacon, just for that real feeling of fullness. Give into your carb craving (like by baking your own muffins) instead of denying it all day. Breakfast will help curb the morning problems of people depositing their junk-food offerings first thing. Bring along your own snacks that fit your nutritional guidelines for mid-morning and mid-afternoon. If someone brings you something processed and tempting that still has the nutritional info attached, I usually find that a few readings of the ingredients are enough for me to realize that oh...yeah...that sounds more like a science experiment than like, delicious.
But...haaa, right? Plenty of us can stuff ourselves to the gills with "good" stuff and then still manage to find a leeeeeetle bit of room for the "bad" stuff, even if it means a stomachache later. (And by "plenty of us" I mean "me.") How do you nicely turn down the junk food gifts from coworkers?
Depending on your level of familiarity, there is nothing wrong with just being honest. Try to explain that you and your doctor have a lot of nutritional concerns about this pregnancy and you're trying really really hard to eat a certain way. They'll likely assume you're worried about weight gain and vanity, and it's up to you whether you want to go into greater detail about the fear of gestational diabetes and fetal size or not. Exaggerate if you have to -- mutter something about preliminary blood sugar results and doctors' orders something something heartburn nausea something. Start putting the food out in a common area -- preferably one you can avoid for a few hours -- all the time, so people get the hint that you really meant what you said.
I will never, ever underestimate the depth of Some People's cluelessness, though. There are just people that you can (repeatedly) say NO THANK YOU to, only to have them assume that you didn't really meeeeeean it, and that they're still really doing something nice for you. "Oh, she'll never treat herself otherwise, soooo...." You might try redirecting their kindness -- complain about how sugary foods are upsetting your stomach lately, but oh, how you've been craving bananas! Or pumpkin seeds, or fruit salad, or peach yogurt, or anything they can grab instead of the giant-ass muffin at Starbucks for you. People LOVE hearing about pregnancy cravings, the more off-the-wall the better, and your office offenders might delight in indulging one for you, if you give them some prodding and guidance.
But take heart! I had a 9 pound, 15 ounce baby and yes, there was much discussion about whether I also had undiagnosed GD. (Noah was tested after birth and his blood sugar was just fine.) I did eat a ton of processed crap during my pregnancy, including plenty of HFCS and hydrogenated oils, since I was more than happy to cater to whatever food whim I had at the time. With my second pregnancy, I definitely ate better (though still far from "perfect") -- I ate a ton of what I could keep down (burritos!) but it was all whole and unprocessed. And while I still ate sweets and desserts, they tended to be more of the "actual real ingredients" varieties. And baby number two was a blissfully manageable seven pounds, seven ounces. So keep doing what you're doing! The occasional homemade chocolate chip cookie probably isn't going to be the end of the world, but you're definitely on the right track and it's worth sticking with.]]>
]]>
Bumpzillastag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26572009-11-13T06:14:03Z2009-11-16T16:34:05ZMy pregnant friend has turned into a selfish jerk. What do I do?Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by ianmylesDear Amy
So many of the letters you’ve published lately have been about pregnancy etiquette. Here’s another one for you -- my best friend is pregnant and has turned into a self-absorbed brat. She’s become selfish, rude, and a bad friend. If a conversation begins to stray from pregnancy-related topics, she basically ends the conversation.
She’s even gotten into the habit of minimizing other people’s joy. Apparently any news is insignificant when compared to her own.
For the past 8 months, I’ve tried to bite my tongue, smile, and chock it up to hormones. The problem is that lately I just feel used. Last weekend I drove clear across the state to attend her baby shower. I came home to an email about how they planned to return my gift and needed to know where it was purchased. To be honest, I don’t care.
What really stung was the lecture that accompanied the announcement – you see I cannot possibly understand the intricate detail involved in picking out something they plan to use for their BBAAAAYY-BEEE! And anyway, how dare I (or anyone) purchase something that wasn’t on the registry. Did you know, that it's rude to buy things that people haven't registered for?
I completely understand the having a baby is a momentous event that overtakes your thoughts and dreams. I understand that my friend’s priorities are actively shifting. My problem is that whereas this person once seemed to truly value our friendship, she now only seems interested in milking that friendship for her own physical and emotional benefit. All others be damned! It is making it very difficult to be her friend.
Frustrated in Michigan
Eeeeeesh. Yeah. You can blame a LOT of stuff on hormones. But not this. This is...well, I'm tempted to say something very Southern sounding about bad breeding. Pregnancy hormones don't cause a sudden amnesia surrounding polite conversation and registry etiquette. Being an inherently selfish jerk...well. You know.
So I'm wondering if you happened to be friends with this woman while she was, say, planning her wedding? Because honestly she sounds like a bridezilla in maternity wear. A bumpzilla, if you will. While...sure, I guess some women can suddenly turn into completely different vaguely insane people while they're pregnant, it really seems more likely that the pregnancy is simply an excuse for her to show her true colors. I promise you, pregnancy doesn't CAUSE women to act like this. Their already-existing personality flaws, however, TOTALLY DO.
You may be noticing the behaviors more, this time, because you guys are older, because you've outgrown her a bit, or because of geographical distance, or because you've just never noticed that she dominates conversations with topics of interest to her because YOU were also interested in those topics. Now there's this divide between your shared experiences, and for whatever reason your friend seems determined to make that divide seem as wide as possible. Because she's SPESHUL. Because she's MAGICUL. Because...I don't know, because she's just the type of person who likes everything to be about her and her perfect day and perfect vision of how perfect everything will be.
Or...you're being overly sensitive and inserting tone into her email that wasn't there and she didn't really mean to scold you for going off-registry and...and...yeah. Thus ends my attempt at playing devil's advocate. Your friend is likely a rude person. Who is basking in the regrettable belief that she is the first women EVER in the history of the WORLD to be pregnant and have a baby. Who is in for the SURPRISE OF A LIFETIME when her baby arrives and she suddenly realizes that it will never again be All About Her, ever, for the rest of her life.
So. Now what? Honestly, I'd start ignoring her, at least until she has the baby, because I am Grown-Up and Mature like that. She's not going to change, so you owe it to yourself to NOT feel used and frustrated by her one-way friendship, for now. Once the baby arrives, you can make another attempt (sans gift, since OBVIOUSLY she's made it clear how control-freak she feels about that). Take a card to the hospital, allow her the glowing, new-mama moment over The Most Beautiful Newborn Ever, and then go from there. She will be obsessed with the baby for awhile -- it's normal and natural and utterly terrifying at first, but sooner or later she should start to resurface, though it'll be a mystery to see what version of herself wins the cage match. Old Time Best Friend vs. Pregnant Selfish Person.
Motherhood may humble her, she may suddenly desperately realize that she needs and wants her old non-mommy friends...or it may eat her whole and she'll be one of those people who stops being your friend after having a baby.
Sad, but totally true. It happens. There's no sense pretending that it doesn't. I lost a couple friends right around the time I had a baby...and have since lost other friends once THEY had babies. It hurts to realize that you overestimated the value of a friendship, or the amount that you actually had in common. It does. And I'm sorry if that happens to you and your friend here. But if she's unwilling to view your friendship as a two-way street, involving your feelings, experiences and interests, well...that's just a lousy friend, pregnant or not.]]>
]]>
The Night Leakertag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26542009-11-11T10:40:07Z2009-11-12T12:32:11ZWhat to do when your baby sleeps through the night...and your boobs don't.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Hi Amalah,
I have a question for you about breastfeeding that I've never seen anyone address before. Maybe I'm the only one with this problem! Here it is: My son is finally starting to drop some of his night feedings. Score! More sleep! But my boobs aren't really on board with this plan. I sleep with a soft nursing bra or tank top on and disposable breast pads (I use washable ones during the day but they can't seem to hack it at night). I leaked at night before but now I wake up ALL THE TIME at night covered in milk. Wet shirt, wet arms, wet bed. Puddles. My pads and shirt will be totally soaked through. Is there anything I can do to try to help with this nighttime leaking? Should I get up and pump? It seems like that might make the problem worse by signaling the boobs to keep making that much.
I'm so tired of being all wet and slimy and I desperately miss the days I used to be able to go to bed au natural. The final straw was last night when one side was super engorged and firehosed my baby, sprayed all over the bed, and got my husband right in the face before I could grab a burp cloth to hold back the tides. Help!
Jamie
Oh yes, I remember this. I remember this so well! Nighttime engorgement and leaking. I went through this for the first couple months of Ezra's life, thanks to good ol' oversupply, despite round-the-clock nursing and cosleeping. And then it happened AGAIN once he started sleeping through the night (around 4.5 months)! Not! Fair! Just when you THOUGHT you were going to get more sleep, your baby's cries have been merely replaced with the double-barrel alarm clock strapped to your chest. It's awesome.
And, temporary. Really. Your body WILL eventually get with the program, I promise. Your baby is maybe not skipping the same night feedings every night, 100%, for seven straight days or so? If he isn't, then technically your body is doing exactly what it's supposed to: making sure that the baby really, REALLY doesn't need that milk before cutting back on production.
Of course, not every woman's body flips the switch in the same time frame -- some women leak for a few days, a week, sometimes more, as their babies dial back on the night feedings. And since you took the time to write a question about it, I'm guessing it's been going on for more than a few days and is stretching into that dreary "OH MY GOD IT'S GOING TO BE LIKE THIS FOREVER" feeling.
It's not. But! I have a few first-hand tips for getting through it:
1) Wear a tighter bra or tank. Nothing that's actually uncomfortable to sleep in, or really binding (you don't want to cause plugged ducts) but just...snugger around the cup area. And a fabric that isn't prone to stretching out over time. Personally I leaked SO MUCH MORE if my boobs were not really harnessed in and pressed TIGHT up against my shirt or nursing pads. This can be difficult to achieve at night, when you're on your side or twisting around, so I went down a size in my sleep bras and tanks. I swear, AIR could trigger a helluva letdown for me.
2) Pump before you go to bed. I know, it seems so counter-intuitive to pump when you really want to make LESS milk, but it's kind of a trade-off. I preferred taking a few minutes to pump at night to the crazy leaking. If, say, Ezra would nurse for the last time around 8:30, by MY bedtime (11:00), I generally needed to pump to keep my boobs from being full-on boulders by 1 am. Sometimes I pumped until I was empty, some nights I just pumped until I felt comfortable. Once my supply regulated a bit, the last-chance pumping session seemed MUCH easier to eliminate than the actual feedings had been.
3) Address the pain, however you need to. If you wake up feeling like you're about to explode, go ahead and pump for a minute or two. Again, yeah, you're sending your body mixed signals but if your baby isn't going to drink that milk it's either going to a) stay in your boobs until you clog a duct, or b) leak all over the damn place. Pump for comfort, not production. OR go down to the fridge and grab a chilled cabbage leaf and stick it in your bra for 10-15 minutes or so.
4) Waterproof mattress pad. I used a small one that we'd bought for the crib. I put it on top of our fitted sheet, then put a twin-sized flat sheet over it, just on my side of the bed. If disaster struck in the middle of the night, I just whipped them off and chucked them on the floor. No 3 AM sheet changes OR having to go back to sleep on wet bedclothes because I didn't want to wake Jason up.
5) Letdown into the pump or a towel. This is more for the projectile milk problem. If you wake up to nurse with one or both sides super-engorged, DON'T just offer it to the baby. Get on the pump for just a few compressions until that CRAZY strong flow is over, or just sort of...let it happen into a towel or burp cloth if you can trigger your letdown mentally, like by hearing your baby cry. (I always could do it by imagining the sight and sound of a running sink faucet. I don't know. Is that weird?) If your baby is still gagging or choking on your flow, nurse him while lying flat on your back, so he has more sucking control instead of milk just pouring into his throat.
6) Skip the nursing pads and use a diaper. Yeah. I know. Sexy. But after waking up in a puddle three nights in a row thanks to shifting, inadequate nursing pads, I grabbed an outgrown newborn-sized disposable diaper, cut it half, and covered each of my boobs with a half. Muuuuuuch better. It wasn't too long after that my oversupply FINALLY balanced out, as if crying uncle against the indignity of it all.
This WILL STOP. I promise. In the meantime, congrats on your superwoman milk powers. I know they're...slimier than you expected, but awesome all the same.]]>
]]>
When Pregnancy Announcements Attack, Part IIItag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26472009-11-08T06:05:16Z2009-11-10T06:02:11ZOr, what to do when the bitterness starts to taste kind of good.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by Bah HumbugHello, I've been reading your column for a while and I really love it. I've never seen this type of question before, but I didn't really go through the archives, so I apologize if you've seen it before.
OK, so my husband and I have been trying to conceive for over a year now, which has clearly been one big FAIL. I have an appointment with an RE to see what our next steps are. My problem lies more with the fact that in this last year or two my friends and family have been baby making machines and are popping the little ones like crazy. I really am so happy for them. I love seeing the babies, pinching their cheeks etc. And I would never want to deny any of them their joy in being mothers. But, I've noticed that as we've crossed the big one year mark, and beyond, it's becoming much harder to keep the smile going. It's getting harder to go to Facebook, and see all the pics of the adorable babies, to hear the new mothers complain about not getting any sleep (though, please know, I do not begrudge anyone with a legitimate complaint. Being up all night with a crying infant is certainly complaint worthy, it's just hard to hear.), or to hear another "we're pregnant!!!". I can avoid it to a point, but really it's everywhere and unless I want to never go on the internet, talk to my friends or listen to my mom's family updates, there is really no way around this baby boom.
So, here is the question. How do I not become an embittered hag? It really is getting harder and harder. Some friends know about our issues, some don't. But it doesn't really matter. I don't want anyone to be afraid to share something baby related with me because I may breakdown in tears or say some snide comment. Example, recently some friends of ours shared the news that they're going to have a baby. My husband didn't tell me for two weeks because he didn't want to hurt me. I was shocked that he wouldn't tell me, and said that I could handle it, then I broke down in tears.
I don't want to be "that women" who nobody feels they can share their baby stuff with. But I have to admit, it's getting really hard to not get, well bitter when every negative pregnancy test just break my heart a little more and everywhere I go I'm surrounded with happy baby news for everyone else. How do I continue being a good friend and being happy for my friends and family, when all I want to do is cry because I may never have a baby of my own?
Thank you so much,
Trying not to be Bitter
Personally, I think the feelings and emotions and turmoil surrounding infertility can be viewed in a similar way as anxiety or panic. If you've never been treated for either, the general therapy line is something like this: Don't fight it. When you feel that lump in your throat or that pang in your gut, don't immediately go all no no no no not happening gah gah gah, because basically you cause your brain to unleash a secondary wave of anxiety about your anxiety. Instead, acknowledge it. Okay, there it is. I'm feeling this way right now. Let's deal with it and move on.
In other words, you shouldn't HAVE to fight off all of these emotions all the time. It's OKAY TO CRY. There's nothing in your question that suggests that you are anywhere close to teetering on the edge of Bitter Hagdom. So you burst into tears in front of your husband. Dude, he's exactly who you SHOULD be able to burst into tears in front of.
I am pretty sure that most women who have struggled to conceive (this advice columnist included) have totally faked the "I'm so happy for yooooouuuu" thing in public. To coworkers, Facebook friends, real friends, even to people we don't like very much to begin with. And you know what, I think that's okay sometimes too. I'm not saying, for example, that this woman's response from a previous column was correct or mature, but it was still pretty UNDERSTANDABLE, in the grand scheme of things. And as you can see from the comments, most pregnant women DO understand how you feel, and WANT to be sensitive and respectful to your pain/grief/bitterness. So please, don't beat yourself up for having a perfectly natural reaction to your situation. IT. SUCKS. And it always seems like everybody and their dog is pregnant and none of them understand how you feel.
I'm sure some people might suggest "stuff to take your mind off it." Take up a hobby! Go outside more! Take a vacation! Get a puppy! Enjoy your carefree child-free days! And you know, it's probably good, mature advice and all, but I dunno. I'm not saying you wallow in it (and hey, we DID get a puppy for this exact reason, and it DID help a lot), but I also don't want to patronize you with the idea that knitting or scrapbooking will somehow lessen the pain of not having the one. thing. you. want. more. than. anything. In the world. Of all time!
What you probably need, though, is a safe place to express how you feel, once you're done with the stony smiles and gritted-teeth "congratulations" and holding of Other People's Babies. Start an anonymous little blog or join a message board (I have no specific site recommendations these days, so...readers? Any good TTC/IF boards out there that are low on the blinkies and baby dust and higher on the snark/honesty?). Find a place where you can talk about this stuff without fear of being judged as That Woman. Check out the amazing blogroll over at Stirrup-Queens.com and find some kindred blogging spirits. (Actually, just check out EVERYTHING at Stirrup-Queens.com. It's pretty much the best infertility resource I can think of these days.) Let it OUT, either through your words or the occasional crying jag.
So while I hammer home the idea that it's OKAY to feel how you feel, that it's NATURAL, I do want to warn you about one thing, because it happened to me and really took me by surprise: The bitterness and wounds of infertility don't just magically go away once you get pregnant. I was shocked to find that even though I was pregnant and everything was going okay and I had a pretty reasonable hope that I was going to end up with a baby, I was still just as thrown by other pregnancy announcements, particularly by women who didn't experience a struggle. I distinctly remember being completely irrationally annoyed by the birth of another woman's baby when I was practically in the third trimester -- but that woman had announced her pregnancy just a few weeks before I found out I was pregnant, and I had cried and been upset and jealous (OH, SO JEALOUS). And I had a really hard time letting go of those feelings.
So. While you may feel alone and miserable and bitter within your current social circle, you AREN'T really, within the very large and real and understanding circle of your fellow infertiles. I wrote about it, I read what dozens of other women wrote about it, and I found a couple of online friends who I could randomly send overly rant-y emails about WHO WAS PREGNANT NOW OMG KILL ME without fear of being thought of as a jealous, seething bitch. (Which I was, maybe, in that moment. But by allowing myself to have that moment, I was better able to sack up and move on and NOT be a jealous, seething bitch 24/7. More like 23/6, I suppose.)
]]>
]]>
In Search of One-Stop Laundrytag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26462009-11-06T08:34:59Z2009-11-09T07:39:12ZThe quest for a detergent that does it all: from cloth diapers to sensitive skin to regular ol' stubborn stains.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Oh All Knowing One of Everything Awesome:
I have a question regarding laundry detergent, sensitive skin, and cloth diapers.
We currently use Tide for our laundry. However, my 7 year-old stepdaughter has eczema and sensitive skin, and I'm looking for ways to try to reduce irritation to her skin. I'm thinking that whatever they use to turn our current detergent blue isn't the best for her skin-or anyone's, for that matter. I'm not really buying into the Tide Free thing either -- you're going to charge me more for you to OMIT an ingredient in your product, and you're still not really that natural or sensitive?
I'm also 17 weeks pregnant (yay babies!), and hoping to cloth diaper the newest addition to our family. I've seen a few mentions by you and some of your commenters on recommended detergents in which to wash cloth diapers.
I'm hoping you are able to recommend a detergent that will work for both sensitive skin AND cloth diapering. I don't especially want to fill my already crowded laundry room with more bottles, so if I could find an all-in-one, it would be awesome.
Thanks for all your awesome advice!
Dawn
Charlie's Soap.
Done! And done. And I'm gonna go get some Halloween candy now, okay?
Haaa. Just kidding. But not really.
Noah has really, really sensitive skin. It's gotten better as he's gotten older (it's more "dry" now as opposed to Eczema OMG Chunks Of His Arm Skin Are Falling Off), but it's something we have a ton of frustrating experience with, particularly finding a detergent that doesn't irritate things further. We did All Free & Clear for awhile, then Seventh Generation, then Method, and while they were all serviceable (but pricey!) detergents and didn't seem to bother Noah's skin (provided we went with Fragrance Free versions), once we added cloth diapers into the mix, things got tricky.
Even the "free & clear" detergents (and a lot of brands being marketed as "green" and "natural") still have brightening agents in them, which are designed to leave residue on your clothing. Brightening residue! To make your clothes look brighter! Or something. You know what? No thanks. How about this: I wash my clothes and rinse them, and during this magical "rinsing" process, all remnants and residue of my detergent are similarly rinsed away.
Apparently, this is asking a LOT from the average detergent on the shelves of your grocery store and Target and Wal-Mart. I tried. I printed out lists of the top recommended detergents from various cloth diaper sites, hoping to find something that I could just BUY instead of special-ordering. Because I really didn't want detergent to be a Thing, like you. I didn't want extra bottles, each for a specific person or type of laundry. But I also was resistant to the idea of having to order something online and pay for shipping and we're out of detergent and it can't get her for five to seven business days OH CRAP.
So for awhile I used not-super-great detergents on my diapers. Several different kinds of free & clear stuff, Sun & Earth, brands that generally got a "good" to "OK" rating on the cloth diaper sites. And sure enough, six months in, the diapers started to STINK. I'd open the dryer and get hit with a bad, stale urine smell. Then! They started to repel. Which is a nice way of saying "leak." Basically, everything that I'd been warned about in regards to detergents came true. Clearly, I am VERY SMART.
So I went online and ordered a bag of Charlie's Soap Powder, as it's one of the most universally recommended brands for cloth diapers. $15 for an 80-load bag at Amazon (buying two bags qualifies you for free shipping) comes to about 18 cents a load, compared to 26 cents a load for a comparable truly "green" detergent like Seventh Generation. PLUS, you actually don't use a full scoop or load's worth for diapers. You use maybe about half, if that, if you're doing a biiiiig stinky load. Thus an 80-load bag will actually wash about 160 loads of diapers. (We have an ancient top-loaders, but Charlie's is He-compatible as well.)
ANYWAY, long story short, we now use Charlie's Soap Powder exclusively, for all of our laundry. It is The Awesome. No fragrance, no residue, no build-up, no skin irritation. Our clothes just smell CLEAN. Like, CLEAN FABRIC. It's crazy that I'd actually forgotten what that smelled like, after years of Spring Meadow Blossom Breeze or whatever the hell. My husband (who also has severe problems with winter dry skin and fragrance irritation) is absolutely in love with it, and definitely thinks it's worth the little extra hassle of ordering vs. buying at Target. Luckily, since one bag lasts so long, even with full-time use, we're actually not buying detergent nearly as often as we used to, so remembering to re-order is not the Big Thing I feared it would be.
So, while Charlie's Soap has worked terrifically for us, you DO probably want to just start off slowly, with one bag, just in case. The instructions recommend sending a scoop through an empty wash cycle or two just to thoroughly rinse away any remnants of your old detergent. Then try it out on some of your stepdaughter's clothes -- Charlie's is recommended specifically for sensitive/eczema-prone skin AND infants' laundry, but of course that's no guarantee that NO ONE out there will have a reaction to it.
(I must also add how thoroughly charmed I am by the packaging of Charlie's -- it comes in a plain fabric sack, like something you pick up at a old timey general store, and on the topic of fragrance, the bag simply says: You want flowers, go pick some. HA!)
More Cloth Diaper Articles:
1) Cloth Diapering 101, Part One (aka Lazy Mom's Guide to Cloth Diapering)
2) Cloth Diapering 101, Part Two
3) Cloth Diapering 101, Part Three
4) The Straight Poop on Cloth Diapers (aka dealing with poop)
5) Cloth Diapering & The Older Baby
]]>
]]>
How to Care for Satin Shoestag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26312009-11-02T14:04:28Z2009-11-02T15:56:35ZUber-delicate fabrics on shoes. That you wear on your feet. To walk in. This is a terrible (but oh, so pretty) idea.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by Perfecto InsectoHey Amalah!
I've got an easy one for you, I hope. I've done my Googling but have just found a lot of home remedies with no real consistent suggestion.
So: how do I care for satin shoes? I just bought flats today (these) and would really like it if they didn't go the way of my last black fabric flats, which is totally smudged and dull. These are cute and nice and I'd like them to stay that way for a while.
Thanks a million!
Molly
It's been awhile since I owned any satin shoes that were not of the bridesmaid variety, but I AM coveting -- deeply, painfully coveting -- a pair of dove gray satin flats I saw a girl on the Metro wearing yesterday and I MUST OWN THEM RIGHT THIS SECOND, so let's get this question over and done with so I can go scour Zappos for something similar.
The worst thing to use on satin shoes is water, since even slightly hard water can leave stains. I'm leery of even the slightest damp spot treatment, since some satin fabrics contain silk or acetate. Other satins are washable -- rayon, polyester, cotton, nylon -- and thus aren't so sensitive to water. And others are a blend of one washable fiber and one non-washable. Most satin clothing will give you the specific fiber breakdown and care instructions, but I'm guessing your shoes are simply labeled something super-helpful like "Fabric Upper."
Thus, Scotchgard those suckers, particularly if you ever intend to like, WEAR the shoes outside of your house. Just a bottle of the regular upholstery spray stuff is fine -- it's safe to use on any of the fiber possibilities that could make up your shoes, from silk to polyester.
If you opt not to Scotchgard OR something still happens to them, like getting caught in a sudden torrential rainstorm and spontaneous mud puddles, get them dry cleaned. Yes, you can totally dry clean shoes. Some places won't, but many will -- I generally look for a cleaner that also has a cobbler/shoe repair service, since it makes sense in my head that they must dry-clean shoes at least somewhat regularly.
For small scuffs (and this might save your older fabric shoes), I'd try a pencil eraser (or one of those thingies meant for suede) and a lint-free fabric cloth (NO PAPER TOWELS). The eraser will help with the scuff, then buffing with the fabric should get rid of any colored residue left behind by the eraser. And again, unless you know that there isn't any acetate or silk in the fabric, don't use water. Send them to the cleaners if you can't get the marks or stains off.
If you cannot find a cleaner who does shoes (or wants to charge you for more than the shoes cost), buy a Dryel at-home dry-cleaning kit and VERY VERY CAUTIOUSLY, on a small and as-inconspicuous-as-possible spot, try the stain remover and blotting cloth that comes with it. Then dry it with a hair dryer set to low. If it works and doesn't leave a watermark-like stain, go ahead and use it as your go-to cleaner. ]]>
]]>
Pre-Baby Bucket Listtag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26322009-10-30T05:39:50Z2009-11-02T15:59:01ZEnjoying your last year, months, or days of pre-baby freedom.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by nattuAloha Amalah!
I have a bit of an abstract question and I couldn't think of anyone better on the whole wide Internet to answer it. My husband and I have been talking babies lately, and we have decided to wait one more year before we um, lower our defenses and cross our fingers for conception. My question to you is, what should a (somewhat) hip young couple such as ourselves do in this final year? We know that having a baby will turn our world upside down, and we want to take full advantage of our last foreseeable year of two incomes, adult beverages, privacy, not having a human life utterly dependent upon us, etc. What should be on our pre-baby bucket list?
Thank you for being the ruler of all that is advice-y and smack-y and down-y!
Not a Girl, Not Yet a Mama
I don't know if you've gotten the brochure yet, but there's now a huge segment of the travel industry dedicated to pushing "babymoons" on expectant couples. The idea being you get one last vacation in as a couple before the baby arrives. It's a good idea, honestly -- we did it, when I was pregnant with Noah -- except for the small detail of GOING ON VACATION WHILE YOU ARE PREGNANT.
You can't drink, you can't eat a good half of stuff on the menu, either because of mercury/listeria/nausea concerns, you have to pee all the time and take naps and activities are restricted and -- if you're like me -- your belly completely pops while you're there and you end up outgrowing everything in your luggage by day five.
So! Guess what my first Bucket List item is. No really, go on.
Yeah, take a nice vacation. Get that dream destination checked off your list -- the one that involves a plane ride that no toddler would ever put up with, to the no-kids-allowed resort or the backpacking expedition across Southeast Asia or the wine tour of Italy.
Once that's done with, let's move on to the smaller, at-home stuff:
Sleep in on the weekends. Take turns making each other breakfast in bed every Sunday. Subscribe to the Sunday newspaper just to enjoy the luxury of reading the whole damn thing. Eat brunch.
Stay up late. Watch The Daily Show and Colbert Report -- live, instead of TiVo'd. Go to at least one ridiculously stupid nightclub with bad drinks and cheesy music and realize that you won't miss it. See movies in the theater. Go to a concert, a play, a musical, the opera. Visit a vineyard for a wine tasting. Eat at each of the top 10 best restaurants in your city and promise each other that you'll eat at them again, even after you have a kid.
Take up a hobby, as a couple. Bike riding, geocaching, cooking, museums, something that can span the before/after segments of your life and be something that you one day do as a threesome.
Declutter your house. A baby will bring in all kinds of junk and crap and mess with your decision-making abilities. (My husband hasn't thrown a single blessed thing out in five years. Watch for him on a 2032 episode of Hoarders.) Get everything you own organized and labeled and accounted for. Make a trip to your parents' homes and go through any saved childhood toys together. Get sappy over the idea of your own baby playing with his Matchbox cars or your favorite doll.
Make doctors' appointments and keep them. Physical, dentist, dermatologist. These get weirdly difficult to make happen and easy to ignore in between all the pediatrician visits. Lose any extra pounds and take extra folic acid. Take sick days when you are sick. Use personal days to play hooky and do something fun and crazy together, like a day trip to New York or renting a hotel room right in your town.
And then while in that hotel room, flush your Pills down the toilet and get ready for life to get EVEN BETTER.]]>
]]>
Baby Spacing Bluestag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26262009-10-26T14:26:06Z2009-10-27T16:59:58ZI want another baby, but my husband doesn't. Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto by (nutmeg)Hi Amy,
I am such a fan of your writing--your blog and columns are always good for a pick-me-up. I am writing because I have a situation that I just don't know how to resolve. I want to have a second baby, and my husband doesn't. Our daughter is 18 months old, and I've started feeling the urge to get pregnant again. My husband has said he'd be willing to compromise and have another baby in, say, 4 years. But here's the thing. I'm already 34, and conceiving our daughter took a year and a half. So waiting 4 years to start trying for #2 just seems crazy to me. I'm feeling stuck. Every time I try to have a conversation with him about it, I get this knee-jerk "I'm not ready" reaction. I feel so tempted to just quit taking my pills, but I know that would be a huge mistake. If I did get pregnant that way, I'd feel terrible for tricking him. But I really just don't know how to bring him around to my point of view. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!!
Baby Crazy Mama
As someone who was ready for her first baby loooong before her husband was, I totally sympathize. It's a rough spot to be in, particularly since we're the ones with the CRAZY TICKING THUMPING BIOLOGICAL CLOCKS going off in our hormone-addled brains. And while I don't know of any magic words that will make your husband change his mind, I do know of two things that may make things even worse. Do not do either of these two things:
1) Threats and/or ultimatums.
2) Deception.
I'm sorry, but that whole "I'll just FORGET to take my Pill" thing grosses me out. I know you were mostly joking but other women...not so much. Totally not fair to anyone, hypothetical baby-to-be included. Family planning and building is a whole family activity, so...yeah. That's all I have to say about THAT.
Honestly, it sounds like your husband just wants and needs a little time. He's not saying never, he's saying not now, and while I know you have very real, logical reasons for wanting it now, pushing/begging/haranguing him will probably not help. Not to make even more gross generalizations about baby-crazy women and their menfolk, but guys definitely like to be READY. Your husband doesn't feel READY. There's nothing you can do or say to force him to feel otherwise, for the time being. I'm sure he will come around -- maybe it'll be packing up the crib, her birthday, potty-training, a sudden realization that oh wow, he doesn't have a baby anymore. I don't know his specific reasons for wanting to wait so long, but there's probably a mental lip he needs to nudge himself over. You can offer an occasional poke, but you can't push.
You can (and should) talk to him about the importance of the over-35 thing for pregnant women, the increased risks for both you and baby, the possibility for more invasive genetic testing, all of that fun stuff. Don't fixate on it and wig yourself out, but make sure he knows that it is indeed a Real Thing, not to be shrugged off as irrelevant to your child-spacing decisions. Fertility decreases, while the risks of birth defects (particularly Downs Syndrome) and miscarriage increase (from about 12% to 25%). If he continues to insist on waiting, please don't be terrified or anything -- just focus on your own health in the meantime. Maintaining good diet and weight and lifestyle will up your odds of an easy, complication-free conception and pregnancy.
You may also be interested in:
- Does Two Under Two Shortchange the One?]]>
]]>
Tips for Teenage Skin & Hairtag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26192009-10-23T06:03:58Z2009-10-26T19:30:51ZThings we wish our mothers had taught us (or are grateful that she did!)Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Hola Amalah:
I've recently been put in charge of putting together a three part panel to teach the young girls in my church congregation about taking care of their bodies. (Why me? Yeah, I'm not sure either.) I've found someone to come and teach about nutrition and another women to come and teach about how to dress appropriately and how to take proper care of clothing. Now I just need someone to teach about hair and skin care. This is where you come in.
Don't worry, I'm not asking you to fly to Seattle to teach the teenager girls. (I know how you feel about teenagers!)
I've not been able to find anyone to teach this portion. I decided that since I can't find anyone to teach for me that I'd just do it. Problem is that I'm not really an "expert". I figured I could pull some info from the Advice Smackdown and just present it to the girls. Needless to say I've spent quite a bit of time reading the Advice Smackdown archives today, and while I've found a ton of useful info, it really is geared towards us adult ladies. I'm not sure if teenage skin and hair is much different then adult skin and hair (except for the lack of wrinkles and gray strands here and there).
So, is it different? Should I be teaching the girls something totally different than my "adult" skin and hair routines? It must be noted that the girls range in ages from 12 to 18, so about half of them aren't even wearing make-up (yet!).
I would appreciate any advice you (and the AS readers) could share with me, so that I can share it with these girls.
As always, keep on rocking. You do much good around the interweb.
xo
Isabel
Oh, how I wish I'd had someone like you in my life back when I was a teenager, when I had no idea how to deal with my hair and skin and had even less of an idea about all the harm I was doing to do it. So, thank you for at least putting the effort and realizing that this is actually a pretty useful topic -- beyond the teen magazines' tips on PERFECT PROM MAKEUP or EYELASHES TO GET U NOTICED BY BOYZZZOMG. Skin and hair health. Avoiding mistakes that you pay for later. Like now, when you're old. Like us.
Of course, teenage hair and skin IS like adult-lady hair and skin in one way: Everybody is different. Perhaps you could offer a little one-on-one consultation time with each girl? Just to help them identify whether their skin is normal/dry/oily/combination? Quick hair health assessment and pointers on what type of shampoo and conditioner might be best for them? I know I would have appreciated that -- for YEARS I was sure my skin and hair were full-on oily and used every product on earth to fix the problem. Turns out my skin was actually combination and needed to be treated a wee bit gentler. I never even used moisturizer because I was sure moisture = zits. And I had no idea how bad all those shampoos for oily hair were on (at-home, from-a-box) colored hair, and that just because my scalp was oily, I still needed to condition.
Beyond that, I guess I will start things off with a few things I wish someone had told me back in junior high:
1) Wash your face. Wash your hands. Keep them from coming in contact with each other as much as possible. I was always touching my face with my hands. Totally awful for your pores and blemishes. I was also entirely too cavalier about slapping on tons of makeup and not remembering to remove it properly at night. Bar soaps are bad for dry skin, scrubs aren't good for anyone: the best bet is a gentle liquid face wash.
2) And on that note, you're going to have this same skin when you're OLD. Be gentle with it. My whole thing? About using balancing skin and hair products instead of throwing the harshest thing you can find at the problem? Totally applies to teenage skin. Crap, I used to swap out my face toner with STRAIGHT RUBBING ALCOHOL during breakouts, and thought I was a total genius for coming up with that one. Then I'd use an acne mask and a spot treatment and no moisturizer. A quick science lesson in that whole pH balance business would have been helpful.
3) Wear sunscreen. All the time. Not just at the beach. You can get sun damage on cloudy days.
4) Your hair may grow out, but the quality of the new growth depends on how well you're treating what's already there. Hair dye, perms, straighteners, heat styling = really rough on your hair. Proceed with caution. Be really, really sure about chemically altering your hair.
5) For general all-purpose hair upkeep: shampoo just your roots, condition only your ends. Comb your hair out while it's sopping wet, use a heat protectant if you're flat-ironing. Don't sleep with a ponytail in. Homemade hair masks (avocado, mayo, etc.) are fun for sleepovers and goooood for your hair.
6) Diet matters. And I don't just mean "chocolate gives you zits!" old wives' tales. Just a quick talk about how what you put into your body affects you in ways beyond the bathroom scale. Junk food, excess salt, artificial and overly-processed crap can be to blame for some skin and hair problems. And likewise, the stuff you put ON your hair and skin should be chosen with care. It's never too early to start thinking critically about fragrance, parabens, chemicals and animal testing.
7) Zits totally suck. Everybody gets them, they're always worse around your period and no, don't squeeze and pick at them and NO, you really really aren't going to die alone and unloved and unpopular because of them.
8) For really terrible teen acne, follow the regimen from acne.org. Hands down, it's the most sensible approach for zits ever.
9) For teenage undereye circles: It's usually a lack of sleep and/or dehydration, unlike the ones us Olds get as our skin thins and ages. Teabags, cucumber slices and a yellow- or apricot-tinted concealer are magic.
10) Remember that the "natural look" in magazines requires two makeup artists, three hairstylists, four hours, fake eyelashes and a pantsload of Photoshop. Watch this. It's okay that you don't look like that, because NO ONE DOES.
What say the rest of you? If you could go back in time and tell your teenaged-self just one thing about her hair and skincare regimen, what would it be? ]]>
]]>
Baby Sling Smackdown, Part IItag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26172009-10-21T15:00:27Z2009-10-29T10:33:23ZAmalah vs. the Maya Wrap. Guess who wins.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto from Ergo BabyHi Amy!
So I had the question about slings a few months ago and thought I'd follow up. You know in case any of the commentors wanted to know if I put their excellent suggestions to good use.
After carefully reading all the comments and finding out that huh, it sort of depends on your preference...I ordered another over the shoulder baby holder sling (in red, my favorite color). Since I knew it worked on my body and it is reasonably...well not inexpensive exactly but not break the bank expensive either. Which worked great for the baby and he loves being in it. Baby experienced his first Day Out with Famous Tank Engine with big brother, first walk in the mountains to see the fall leaves and numerous outings to the park to wear big brother out in the OSBH. The only problem is that said baby was 10 pounds at birth and now weighs in at 12.5 pounds at 2 months so for longer-term babywearing, I was going to need another option sooner than I planned. Someone in the comments suggested the Belle Baby carrier. I liked the look of it so I got one off e-bay (still in the box) for 50% of retail. I think it is going to work fabulously. We'll see as the baby gets bigger but for now, I really like it. And my husband much prefers it to the sling...he gets all nervous that the baby is going to fall out of the sling and likes the more strapped to his body style of this carrier.
Several comments raved about the wrap type carriers and I really considered them. Particularly given that I have an ACTIVE 3 yr old to chase after. But I tend to be hot-natured and apparently give birth to little radiators so I knew this option would just make both me and the baby way too hot. Pouch-type slings were also considered and rejected given my large bosoms and long-torso. And despite all the raves about the Ergo (brilliant advice columnist included) I just didn't think it looked comfortable and frankly thought it was sort of fugly.
I personally didn't have much luck looking on Craigslist as most of the baby carriers there were the REI hardcore hiking backpack type (we live in CO) or the useless Infantino or NoJo slings. But as I said, E-Bay worked out great. I got a new carrier (the seller bought it to try with her son, never got around to it and now he's too big) for a steal!
And finally, we didn't get a double stroller and haven't needed one yet. Mostly I pop the carseat into the stroller frame (best invention ever!) and my 3 yr walks along with us.
Thanks for posting the sling smackdown as the comments were very helpful!
Michelle
Yep, personal preference is definitely first and foremost when it comes to slings and carriers. What worked for one person may not work for another. In fact, it very most likely won't, which is why there are 400 bajillion options out there.
And yet it's SO hard not to get overly-passionate about what worked for you -- even I let out an involuntary squawk at the idea of the Ergo being UNCOMFORTABLE, OMG, I wore Ezra in that thing (front and back) for up to 10 hours a day at the BlogHer conference, whereas I haven't been able to keep him in one of the over-the-shoulder slings for more than an hour or two since we switched from cradle hold to hip carry. (This again, is a personal thing, as I have TERRIBLE problems with my neck and shoulder muscles even without babywearing -- I clench a lot, so I absolutely need a carrier that soundly keeps the weight on my back and hips and doesn't shift and tug at my shoulder.)
As for the not-super-prettiness of it, it is indeed a rather utilitarian take on the Mei Tai style. But for us that's been a benefit, since both my husband and I can take turns while we're out and about. It fits us both, we both swear by the comfort of it, and while Jason would use my reversible pouch sling, he could never get used to the hip carry position and -- like your husband -- was always paranoid that Ezra was about to fall out. I totally love the look of the Belle Baby carrier...but not being able to use it as a back carrier is another big personal negative. (Ezra loves being on our backs, it's super comfortable and allows our arms to have total freedom to wrangle Noah or carry a cup of coffee without fear of Ezra's grabby hands or spilling something on his giant head.)
But! I swear! I did not decide to publish your question just so I could ramble on about the Ergo some more. I actually recently picked up a whole new sling at a maternity/baby consignment store. THAT'S what I really intended to ramble about.
Since I like to fancy myself to be such a hardcore babywearer now, determined to use some form of carrier or another until Ezra heads to junior high, I figured I'd try one of those formerly-intimidating ring slings. I found a practically new Maya wrap, complete with original packaging and the instructional DVD, for over 50% off the regular price. In my size and everything! In a funky striped pattern that totally matched what I was wearing RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Clearly, I had to buy it, even though Jason rolled his eyes and pointed at the looooong flowy fabric tail on the package and stated that there was No Way He Was Wearing That.
Men! They're just so close-minded to us superior, Earth-Mother types, right?
I figured the padded shoulder of the Maya was the solution to my current sling issue -- Ezra is perfectly content in our Rockin' Baby Sling, but as he gets bigger and more wiggly I've had problems keeping it properly positioned on my shoulder, so after awhile, I feel like Ezra's pretty much completely hanging from my lower neck. This...um...hurts. (Don't tell Motrin!)
And indeed, I brought the Maya home and looped it up and plopped Ezra in and spent five minutes crowing about how comfortable it was! Oh, yes, this is so much better! And so pretty! Hooray! Then I pulled it off and tossed it in the wash, because original packaging aside, it totally reeked of cardboard-box-in-the-attic.
The next day was my first trial run -- a quick trip to the farmer's market. I carefully re-threaded it and put Ezra in. And started having issues less than 10 minutes later. Ezra fussed and twisted in protest like I've NEVER seen him do before, and with every twist, the fabric kept slipping from the rings and loosening up and pretty soon I had to take him out and start all over. Re-thread. Double-check the edges of the fabric, make sure they aren't folded over, carefully spread over the ring, carefully position on shoulder. Put baby in, attempt to tighten and adjust the sling again...WTF, how did it get all twisted over on itself again? 10 minutes later, Ezra was slipping down my torso again and the padded shoulder part was hanging down somewhere over my boob.
MAN, did I look like a rookie. Also, an idiot.
I've tried it...oh, twice since then. I've watched the DVD. I've studied the website. I swear I'm not doing anything obviously wrong. Despite the instructions' assurance that you shouldn't have to re-thread that often, I have to re-loop it through the rings every time, especially if I've tossed it on the backseat of the car or into a diaper bag -- the fabric never seems to stay untwisted, so the rings can't do their job of keep the sling tight enough. And of course, the biggest problem is that Ezra really doesn't seem to like it, and I'm guessing it's because the Maya doesn't have a padded rail like our pouch sling. The fabric digs behind his knees and he kicks and bounces around, thus putting more strain on the rings and pulling it out of position and off my shoulder.
So. I am bummed. A combination of baby preference and mother stupidity has left me with a lovely but mostly useless sling that will likely end up right back at the consignment store. And right now I'm sure there's somebody who LOVES their Maya wrap with the heat of a thousand suns and can't believe I am saying such terrible things about their preshussssss. I know! I am clearly a bush-league babywearer. I'll be over here with my stupid black Ergo, awkwardly bending backwards over this here couch to get my baby on my back so I avoid vacuuming graham-cracker crumbs out of my cleavage at the end of the day.
]]>
]]>
Monster-in-Lawtag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.26122009-10-19T06:00:21Z2009-10-19T20:40:09ZWhat to do when it's more than meddling.Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Hi Amy,
I'd love to be writing you with an easy question about makeup or skincare, but you've already solved all my skincare woes (oh, how I love me some Philosophy!) and I am currently banned from Sephora (self-imposed) after a particularly ridiculous shopping spree there. Plus, I have something much more difficult to worry about.
My husband and I have been married for almost two years and are expecting our first child in a couple of months. Yay! The marriage is great, my husband is an absolute dream, and we're both very excited to meet our daughter. The problem? My mother-in-law. At first, it was just general controlling craziness that could be dealt with. Whatever, no big deal. Everyone has a crazy relative, the mother-in-law was my husband's contribution to the marriage. I resolved to deal with her as cordially as I could and if she stepped over any lines, my husband would take over. We even scheduled time for her to come out and see the baby once she arrives.
However, I recently learned some information that is making me want to rethink my tactic. One of my husband's younger siblings told us that in the past year, the normal teenager/Mom fights became physical, and that his sister ended up with bruises on her arms after these fights. The police were called twice but were sent away by his stepfather. In the morning, his mother would see the bruises and ask his sister where they came from. I was absolutely appalled. I mean, I had my fair share of fights with my mother when I was a teenager, but I never ended up bruised afterward. The fact that she asked where the bruises came from the next day also scares me. Is she blacking out in her anger? Delusional? As we were talking about this, my husband told me that he remembers his mom beating on him when he was a little boy because he had left something at the mall and his mother was upset she would have to repurchase it and money was tight.
Amy, I knew this woman was a bit unhinged, but I had no idea that it went so far. I am absolutely terrified to leave my daughter in her care. I mean, babies can be frustrating and I don't want her to lose it with my daughter and hurt her. I said as much to my husband and he assured me he does not remember her being this way with his siblings when they were babies (he is quite a bit older than they are and remembers them as babies very well). He says he completely understands why I'm worried, but does not believe that his mother would hurt our daughter. The last thing I want to do is to make it so my daughter does not have a relationship with her grandmother, but her safety has to come first, and my sanity! I can't imagine not being completely on edge if she were to watch our child, not to mention what I would do if she were to even THINK about hurting my daughter.
What I really want to do is to make a rule that she has no contact with our daughter, or at the very least no unsupervised contact until she begins therapy and some sort of anger management. Am I allowed to do this? I know my husband would support me, but despite everything she has done, I don't want to cause a rift between him and his family, or betray his sister's trust by letting his mom know that she told us. His mother has started therapy a couple of times, but left after one session because she didn't like what the doctor was saying, so I don't think she is going to like being given an ultimatum. So, I guess what I'm asking is, am I being completely hormonal mama bear crazy or do we have an obligation, not just to our daughter but to my husband's younger siblings, to step up and do something?
Thanks,
Lisa
Well! Okay.
You do not let this woman have unsupervised contact with your daughter. End. Of. Story.
And I don't mean just when your daughter is tiny and small. I mean, EVER. I know it's nice to have grandparents as babysitters and all, but hellllllll no. It sounds like she may actually become more dangerous to children as they get older and more willful/frustrating, so seriously: shore up your reserves now, because this isn't a situation that will resolve after those first postpartum weeks.
Look, I'm no domestic abuse expert here, BUT:
Yes. Someone needs to intervene on behalf of your husband's younger sister. She was a baby once, too. She does indeed need a hormonal mama bear crazy advocate. Her story plus your husband's memories...DUDE. DUUUUUDE. Abuse is a cycle. It doesn't just stop or pick-and-choose which child "deserved" it vs. a child who was just teething and grumpy.
You aren't overreacting. Help her. Find someone else who can help her. Call her school, her guidance counselor. Call the police, again, and tell them not to leave. I just...I cannot express this enough. Forget the worries about betraying anyone's trust. That "trust" was a cry for help, even if she didn't necessarily mean for it to be.
Teenager = child = bruises. NOT COOL. EVER.
People are protecting your MIL, making excuses...the stepfather turning away the police, your husband remembering awful stuff yet insisting that she wouldn't hurt your daughter or probably never lashed out at anyone but him, the failed attempts at therapy...again, no abuse expert but this is a pretty classic scenario of someone with a Problem. Abusers generally don't just hurt one child or one person. They learn to hide their behaviors; they learn to manipulate their victims. Don't let anyone blame your sister-in-law. Don't sit there and question over whether she's telling the truth or not -- that's not a question for YOU to figure out, you know? Don't worry about breaking up a home or causing a rift or people blaming you for causing "problems." You are not the Problem.
So...look, I cannot solve that Problem for you. But if you were mostly looking for reassurance that you are not being unreasonable...well. YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE. This woman does not come near your baby. This woman needs to be stopped before she hurts her own babies again.
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453).
It's anonymous. Please call.
]]>
]]>
Maternity Leave Milestonestag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.25992009-10-16T06:10:58Z2009-10-16T20:52:06ZWhat can I reasonably expect to get done during my maternity leave? Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdown
Dear Amalah,
I'm getting ready to have my baaayyyybbbeee, which is super exciting and I just can't wait. But there's a little something I'm worrying about. Maternity leave. I'm taking at least 12 weeks, maybe a little more. And 12 weeks is starting to seem like a looooooooong time to be away from work for a type A girl like myself. I get a little crazed when I'm bored... So I've been wracking my brain trying to come up with a list of achievable projects or just things to do to keep me occupied while I'm on leave, little things to make me feel like I done *something, anything* each day. For example, our local theater has a Mommy/Baby movie morning on Wednesdays--so I'll go to that. But what to do with the other mornings, and mid days, and afternoons? TV in my living room seems like a bad idea.
Do you have any advice on things that are worth adding to the list? Obviously I won't be renovating my kitchen during this time, but what sorts of things can I reasonably expect to do while I'm on leave?
Thanks!
Overachiever
Oh hey, you remind me of ME. The me of just a little over four years ago, who was also about to go on leave and had All Sorts Of Plans for my leave. Some of those All Sorts Of Plans included:
1) Send out birth announcements and thank-you notes.
2) Regular weekly lunch with friends from work.
3) Regular weekly lunch with husband at his work.
4) Daily walk around neighborhood with baby and dog.
5) Have non-work friends and relatives over to meet the baby at least once.
6) Attend Mommy & Me events in the area, such as movies, playgroups, exercise classes
7) Re-organize closet (i.e. pack up maternity and swap out seasonal clothing)
8) Two or three contract copywriting assignments from my company
9) Blog
10) Resist all daytime television, except for maybe The Price Is Right, because come on.
See? All perfectly reasonable, in all honesty. Nothing that I previously couldn't manage to do in a single weekend, or on top of an 8-hour workday.
So how'd I do?
1) Done! With some help from my mom, who came to help out around week three. We churned these suckers out...while sitting on the couch and watching television. (It was at least a DVD, and not soaps or Dr. Phil.)
2) Nope. Never happened. Turned out that getting out of the house with a newborn was a lot tougher than I ever anticipated -- I needed a good two hours' lead time to get us both up and cleaned and dressed, and then suddenly there was ALWAYS another poopy diaper or spit-up all over both of us. Since I was trying to accommodate my working friends' understandably tight lunch break schedules, I had to cancel both of my attempts to meet them because I just always seemed to be running too late.
3) Once! I did this once.
4) I did take walks. They were far from daily, but I did take a few. The weather did not really cooperate the way I expected.
5) Yes, we had plenty of visits from friends and family. I actually preferred when my friends would invite us OUT with the baby, either to early dinners at family-friendly restaurants or for casual get-togethers at their house. That way I didn't have to stress over my lack of hostessing skills or my messy house, and it was always, ALWAYS easier to get out of the house with Jason around to help than when I made solo attempts. So if your friends want to see the baby, consider fishing for an invitation OUT OF YOUR OWN HOUSE.
6) I went to one mother & baby movie screening, after probably two or three weeks of failed attempts. Again...I don't know, I just sucked at getting us up and out of the house on time. I misjudged how flipping TIRED I would be, and how that sleep deprivation would effect my general life skills. Like I got theaters mixed up, misread schedules, got turned around in parking garages, would drive halfway there and realize that I forgot to pack a single extra diaper.
7) No.
8) No.
9) Yes! I did. A lot. And I'm so glad, because those are some of the most hideously embarrassing entries I've ever written, but HOT DAMN, I was tired.
10) I'm also grateful for all those mornings I got to spend with Bob Barker before he passed away retired (update: sorry for the confusion Bob. We love you!). It was a really special time.
I don't mean to sound snarky here -- those really were my goals and my results. I was not happy with them, for a long time, since I felt like such a clueless failure for not being able to leave the house without it being a big, rushed, late, frantic production. I wish someone had sat me down and taught me the great art of STREAMLINING with a newborn (something I didn't learn until Ezra, until necessity forced me to). (Key points: sling or carrier instead of carseat/travel-system; the bigger your diaper bag, the more useless/pointless crap you will carry around with you while still forgetting essentials; keep essentials like diapers, wipes, spare outfits in your car, so if you do forget something you don't have to abandon everything and go home.)
I guess I'm still trying to say that 1) it's good to have goals, and 2) it's good to be kind to yourself if you don't actually meet those goals, in between all this business of caring for a new human being, being completely tied to the capricious wills of a new human being, and of being so tired you don't even mind walking face-first into a wall because OH THANK GOD, the wall woke you up right before you were about to fall down the stairs.
Oh, and 3) those 12 weeks are going to go by so fast. You won't even believe it.
So. If I had to come up with some new goals for a hypothetical maternity leave, it would look something like this:
1) Send out birth announcements and thank-you notes.
2) Bring baby to meet coworkers at the office, leaving the day and time non-specific so you don't feel pressured if you're running late or the baby is particularly off his schedule that day.
3) Same thing for your partner's office and coworkers. Forget the lunch hour thing, just commit to getting over there so s/he can show off the baby at least once.
4) Walk around neighborhood whenever you feel a bit stir-crazy, or it's a beautiful day, or you're having trouble getting the baby down for a nap. If it doesn't happen some days, eh. Experiment with carriers or the stroller, drive to a mall and walk around if the weather is bad. (I strapped Noah into a Bjorn and went up and down our condo building's steps just to satisfy my need to get some physical activity in some days.)
5) Attend Mommy & Me events in the area, such as movies, playgroups, exercise classes. So...I sucked at these, but they exist for a reason. If you enjoy them, get on a local moms' message board and find more. If they stress you out or bore you, cross 'em off your list without a second thought.
6) If you can't swing visits and outings, embrace easier, low-maintenance ways to keep in touch. Talk on the phone. Get a webcam so far-away relatives can "see" the baby. Spend as much time on Facebook as you want without guilt.
7) Take photos and/or video of your baby every day. Start a scrapbook or or online baby book or SOMETHING to start the good practice of keeping every organized and (especially for digital photos) backed-up in case of a hard drive failure.
8) Leaving the house is a goal in and of itself, and that includes the seemingly endless appointments with your pediatrician, lactation consultant, and OB/GYN. Hooray! You did it! And you remembered to wear pants!
9) And lastly, remember that taking care of your baby is also a goal. And kind of the whole point. The first few weeks that means feedings every two to three hours. Lots of diaper changing and laundry and then more changing. Then there's pumping for your return to work, finalizing daycare, getting him or her on some semblance of a schedule...all while trying to get some rest and sleep yourself. It's not as brutal as it sounds, honest, but it IS anything but boring.
10) Bookmark, read, live, learn and love RookieMoms.com. I KNOW I've recommended this site before but seriously. Click on the "months 1-3" button for tons of practical easy activities you can do with your baby during maternity leave. For the most part, the activities are realistic, doable goals that should satisfy the Type-A in you while also appealing to the sleep-deprived Type-Zzzzzz reality. (There's a book, too!)
You may also enjoy:
- The SAHM Gig: What Am I Supposed To DO All Day?]]>
]]>
The Shieldtag:www.alphamom.com,2009:/smackdown//8.25972009-10-15T06:35:21Z2009-10-16T12:44:22ZA new breastfeeding mom is stuck stressing over the dreaded nipple shield. Why is it a "problem?" How to stop using it? Amyhttp://alphamom.com/smackdownPhoto from Milky Way LactationHi Amy,
I'm a HUGE fan and plan to write you a separate gushing email soon about how your blog and various columns got me through my pregnancy. But for now, I have a question, and I'm sorry, it's really long! It may not be something you can answer, but I thought I'd give it a shot.
Two weeks ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and for the most part, it's gone very well. The most important thing is happening - the baby is totally thriving. She's a voracious eater and was up above her birth weight at her one-week doctor's checkup, without me having to supplement at all; my supply has been right on target. I am also lucky that both my mother and my mother-in-law breastfed and believe it in strongly, and my husband is a fan as well, so I have a lot of support and encouragement.
My problem is regarding nipple shields. The first time I fed her in the recovery room, she couldn't get latched on, but I chalked up a lot of that to my position at the time, as I was flat on my back being stitched up after a difficult vaginal birth (forceps, anyone? yes, please, and I'll have a fourth-degree tear on the side). Then in the postpartum room we tried again. At this point I had been up for about 26 hours and the very pushy nurse popped a nipple shield on me without really explaining why or what it was supposed to do, then put the baby on to feed. I went with it and things went okay in the hospital, although somewhat painful. I asked the lactation consultant who stopped by just before we checked out (and didn't really seem interested in answering our questions) about it, and she said something like "keep using it until you don't need to anymore" before leaving.
The next day at the first pediatrician visit, I talked to the lactation consultant there, who informed me that part of the extreme pain I felt when she latched on was probably due to the nipple shield I had being two sizes too small. She brought me a proper fitting one and told me I had inverted nipples, and again said something about working my way off the shield, but didn't really answer my questions about how and when to do that. Breastfeeding got less painful with the larger shield, but I still felt like something wasn't right, so I took matters into my own hands and scheduled a home visit with a THIRD lactation consultant from the Breastfeeding Center here in DC. She came over and was lovely, and got the baby to latch on without the shield, which we did successfully a few times. But it still hurt like hell right when she latched on, and that time and the times since that I've tried to feed her without the shield (which I have been able to do, and felt very proud of both of us), she's done a number on my nipples and made subsequent feedings more painful.
The nipple shield was not something covered in the breastfeeding class I took or any of the info that I read, so I felt totally blindsided by it and now like I'm completely dependent on it. The current status is that I'm still using it every feeding, and despite a few seconds of initial pain when she latches that I still have, 1-2 minutes later there's no pain at all, and the vast majority of the time I spend feeding her is downright pleasant. But while all three lactation consultants have advised me to get off the shield when I can, start by popping it off mid-feeding and get her latched on, etc., none of them will give me a straight answer of what will go wrong if I don't.
That's my question for you. Do you know if there are problems with just always using the nipple shield? What could the negative impact be on the baby? On me? Is there a time by which I don't get off of it, it will cause issues with feeding later or something? This damn piece of silicone has me SO stressed out, and I just don't feel ready to give it up yet. I may eventually, but for now, (1) my nipples are still raw, (2) my baby has a tiny mouth - she was pretty little and there's only so much areola she can take in to get a good latch, (3) my baby is also not a patient soul and screams when she's not fed rightthissecond, and latching without the shield usually takes multiple tries, and (4) I'm still hurting in other places from the delivery and just trying to avoid any extra pain when I can. I feel so guilty when I finish each feeding without even trying to do it without the shield, but I can't bring myself to let her tear me open again. What would be the downside of waiting until she has a bigger mouth and my nipples are more healed before trying again? Or just using it until I go back to work and she's drinking pumped milk from a bottle most of the time?
Thanks so much in advance for any advice you have.
~Anonymous
First, let me make one thing super clear: I am not a lactation consultant nor anything close to a breastfeeding expert. I also have zero personal experience with nipple shields or inverted nipples. In summary, I am the most woefully under-qualified person you could possibly take your question to.
Got it? Okay! Now let me ramble on for many more paragraphs.
From MY understanding, there are two "real" potential problems with long-term nipple shield use, hence all the pressure on you to wean your baby (and yourself) from it: First, they can cause supply problems, as your baby is unable to really suck deeply from your breast. Thus, she doesn't empty your boob, you produce less milk, you are at a higher risk for clogged ducts and mastitis, oh, joy.
The second problem can crop up when you introduce bottles. Your baby is already accustomed to the taste and feel of a silicone shield, and may more rapidly develop a preference for bottles, as they have the same feel in her mouth but don't require so much work on her part. As the mother of a kid with oral motor issues, I can attest that yes, this does happen, even without the shield. It's not insurmountable (I highly recommend using preemie-flow nipples instead of level ones), but combined with supply issues, it's also not something I'd wave away as not worth worrying about.
Of course, the supply issues/baby not getting all your milk are POTENTIAL problems. It certainly doesn't sound like you have any, with a chubby thriving baby. If you're concerned, you can always try pumping for five or 10 minutes after feedings -- this way you're guaranteed to make sure your boobs are empty (less risk of clogged ducts) AND sort-of trick your body into thinking you need to make more milk than you actually do. (And it's all a balancing act, as you don't want to veer into oversupply territory either. WTH, boobs.) If your daughter continues to gain weight and thrive, pee and poop after feedings, etc., you are likely making enough and she is likely getting enough, even with the shield.
The other problems I've seen listed as "cons" for nipple shields basically amount to: You should wean from nipple shields because it can be incredibly difficult to wean from nipple shields. Um. Okay then.
So. Onto the inverted nipple thing. If you aren't on a hospital-grade breast pump, get one. Watch your boobs in the shield and see if it's able to draw out the nipple. Even if it can't at first, from what I've read, it can with time, since flat and inverted nipples are often caused by adhesions that need to be broken. (OW. GOD. I AM SORRY.) If you see that the pump can pretty easily draw your nipples out, then it could be time to try going shield-less with your daughter again.
As for the pain: if you are able to get her to latch correctly, the pain WILL decrease and stop once your nipples heal -- though there is some overlap. However, if her latch is as bad as you make it sound, you will get trapped in a endless cycle of her mouth inflicting more damage to your nipples as soon as you heal. Waiting until she's a bit bigger and able to latch correctly (i.e. bypassing the nipple and getting her mouth around the areola instead) before ditching the shield is probably not going to be the end of the world, particularly if you're using a breast pump to offset any potential supply problems in the meantime. I would probably say it's still a good idea to occasionally whip the shield off mid-feeding (once your milk is really flowing and she's really into it), but definitely find some balance so you can stop stressing about this so much. Balance, and a prescription for some All-Purpose Nipple Ointment (APNO). It's the greatest stuff in the world. (OF ALL TIME!)
(Oh, and has anyone checked her out for a tongue-tie? Little flappy skin thing under her tongue? Have you seen her tongue stick out past her bottom lip? Or does it stay in her mouth and look like the top of a heart? Because MAN, that nonsense HURTS, and makes a good latch all but impossible.)
But...you know, I KNOW of women who never managed to get their babies weaned from the shield. It sometimes is a necessary evil for preemies and inverted nipples (though it sounds like your nurse really jumped the gun by giving you one, but hey, I don't think you're allowed to be a breastfeeding mother without having a story about some TERRIFICALLY BAD ADVICE you got from someone). You're feeding the baby. That's rule number one. Rule number two is to maintain your milk supply. That's where the shield MIGHT work against you, but it might not, and there might be other solutions to that problem if you encounter it on the shield. (Pumping, herbs, teas, Domperidone, etc.)
I'm guessing there are some readers out there who can chime in with some first-hand experiences with nipple shields and how to wean from one and what can happen if you don't. So I shall pass the microphone to them. Good luck.
]]>
]]>
The World of Kiehl's Holiday Gift Set, $45, Kiehl's
This gift would be especially awesome for your mom or mother-in-law or really, anyone who would appreciate a gentle nudge in the direction of quality, natural ingredients in their skin and haircare regimen.
Laura Mercier Flawless Face Kit (Original & Oil-Free), $65, Amazon and Sephora
I could sing the praises of this kit all day. ALL DAY. Ever since Sephora stopped carrying my beloved Sue Devitt, the Laura Mercier Oil-Free Tinted Moisturizer has been my go-to foundation. And the Undercover Pot is currently in the running for PRODUCT OF THE CENTURY -- two different concealers completely erase blemishes, enlarged pores, undereye circles, redness, sunspots/melasma...while a translucent powder keeps everything looking light and natural all day. The value kit also includes all the tools you need to apply everything perfectly and stretch your product supply for as long as possible.
Philosophy Makeup Optional Set, $78, Amazon, Sephora and ULTA
The name says it all, doesn't it? Yeah, for $78 this is a gift for someone that you really, really love. But seriously, giving the gift of Philosophy can change a life. Those of you who have made the switch know what I'm talking about, particularly those of you who have emailed me offers of your first-born children as a thank you. To which I say: No, not necessary, I simply suggest that you pay it forward by treating someone special with this set.
For the Serious Makeup Lover
Sephora Brand Smokey Eyes Palette, $38, Sephora
Want smokey eyes but aren't sure how to accomplish it? This is a great "for dummies" kit that makes it all but foolproof. Get it for yourself or for your favorite party girl, or your best childhood friend in thanks for all of those high school sleepover makeovers she allowed you to subject her to.
Tarte Treasure Chest, $52, Amazon and Sephora
I must admit something: I totally already bought this for me, me, me. And I would buy it again, again, again. It's stunning. It's amazing. It's over $600 worth of makeup for $52. Usually I'm not a big palette lover because I end up using only a fraction of the offered colors while being baffled by the rest, even Tarte's more dramatic shadow and lip shades go on lovely and subtle, so you can mostly experiment without fear of looking like a circus clown. I'm especially in love with the Soft Pink Luminizer -- use it to freshen up that foundation that you bought in the summer and now looks too dark, or use it alone with some concealer or bronzer for a make-up free look. Bonus: Tarte cosmetics are completely free of parabens, phthalates, GMOs, and a ton of other less-than-desirable ingredients.
Sephora Brand Ultimate Blockbuster, $48, Sephora
Okay, I have to say that this kit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Like, it would so overwhelm me every morning that I would probably never manage to put makeup on again. The choices! The colors! The just-when-you-thought-it-couldn't-fold-out-anymore-there's-a-whole-other-tray! But I have to include it, because...well, it's B-A-N-A-N-A-S. You should not be able to get this much makeup for $48, especially when you consider that Sephora's store brand of makeup is ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD. If you want a total "wow" gift for someone this year, this could be just what you're looking for.
For the Hair Goddess
LUSH Solid Shampoos, $9.25, LUSH
Know someone who's just plain bored with her haircare routine? Constantly trying out the latest and greatest shampoo recommendation in search of true love? Shake things up with a LUSH solid shampoo, the little bars that are completely natural and last between 60 and 80 washes. Yeah. For real. Make your own little dream gift set by including one of LUSH's awesome hair deep treatments ($15.95 - $19.95).
Phyto à Porter Frequent Use Collection, $12, Amazon & Sephora
This mini set of luxury hair products is formulated for all hair types, but Phyto also offers more specialized sets for dry and colored hair.
Carol's Daughter Tui Hair Holiday Set, $37, Amazon & Sephora
Sumptuous packaging and sumptuous moisture for the driest hair out there. If your hair waves, curls, frizzes, breaks and bends, these products can help tame it back to soft and manageable. (And did I mention how darned PRETTY the set is?)
Ojon Winter Shine & Protect Ritual Kit, $44, Amazon & Sephora
This is one of those "a $100 value!" sets being sold at half price in hopes of suckering you into the brand. Feel free to cackle evil-y at the cash register because it's really just giving YOU the chance to give someone an eyebrow-raising, expensive-looking gift for under fifty bucks. Give it to someone with tangly, flyaway-prone hair and prepare to hear nothing but raves about your awesome gift-giving skillz all winter long.
For the Teen Who Wants Everything
Urban Decay Apocalyptic Nail Kit, $26, Amazon & Sephora
My mom would NEVER approve of these punky polish colors, which is exactly why I've always been fond of giving them to my niece. You know, for her toes! No harm in a little Fbomb as long as it stays in your shoes, right? I still say it's more appropriate than Britney Spears' perfumes, at any rate.
Sephora Favorites My First Makeup Kit Deluxe Sampler, $32, Amazon & Sephora
Honestly, if you can ignore the "My First" bit of the name, this kit is a GREAT sampler for pretty much anyone looking to treat themselves to some new makeup and move beyond the Maybelline. If you've got a friend who is always complaining about her makeup or goes completely deer-in-the-headlights at Sephora, consider getting her this fun grab-bag of reliable little best-sellers.
Sephora Deluxe Fragrance Sampler For Her, $50, Amazon & Sephora
Wait, hear me out: while $50 seems ridiculous for a box of itty bitty perfume samples, there's more to this set than meets the eye. It's part gift set, part gift card, as the recipient can choose her favorite from one of the 12 samples and redeem an enclosed voucher for a FULL-SIZED BOTTLE. All of which retail at $50 or more, easily. Brilliant.
Ultra CHI Holiday Flat Iron, $119.95, ULTA
Look, if a teenage girl wants to flat-iron her hair, she's going to flat-iron her hair. At least make sure she's not doing it with a $19.99 metal monstrosity she bought with her babysitting money. Treat her to one of these fantastic ceramic CHI irons in six super-cute colors and patterns. These are usually $150, and for a limited time Ulta will include a coordinating nail polish. (Which: okaaaay, but hey! It's a $16 value!)
For the Furbabies
Pampered Pooch Collection, $44, Kiehl's
Sorry. Couldn't resist. If you've got a friend or family member who's delightfully insane about their dog, show them you understand with this gift -- tie a little homemade dog biscuit onto the package and prove that you're just as adorably pet-crazy as they are.
For the Secret Santa/Kids' Teachers/Holiday Hostess/Oops I Didn't Know We Were Exchanging Gifts This Year/Oops I Burned the Christmas Cookies
Burt's Bees Bee Keeper Tin Gift Set, $9.99, ULTA (or wherever BB is sold)
I probably own a good four or five tubes of Burt's Bees lip balm, but they are currently pretty useless as I cannot find A SINGLE ONE. They vanish in purses, into the bottom of my nightstand drawer, under the couch. Who would have thought that a brightly-colored lip-balm storage solution would be so...practical? Available in classic beeswax or an assortment, and a mini-purse version.
LUSH Little Gestures Gift Sets, $14.95 -$22.95, LUSH
I could have honestly included these in a bunch of categories -- who doesn't love LUSH's handmade soaps and bath fizzies? As always, LUSH has a ton of fun themed boxes and products for that tough-to-shop-for person. Got a non-Christmas-specific gifting need? Check out the more holiday neutral Snow Fairy and You Shall Go To The Ball, or Hannukah fave Better Than a Blintz.
Philosophy 'Twas the Night Before, $20, Amazon & Sephora
It's milk and cookies! Get it? GEDDIT? Okay, you get it. Got it. It's also shower gel and bubble bath, and one of those perfect gifts to have around in case of a holiday gifting emergency, from a last-minute hostess gift to the announcement that your brother is bringing his brand-new girlfriend of five whole minutes to Christmas this year.
ULTA 5 for $5 Mix & Match (only available in stores, sorry)
If you're still in need of some handy stocking stuffers or last-minute gifts and have already blown through your shopping budget, visit an actual ULTA store for their "5 for $5" display. It's exactly what it sounds like: grab any five products -- mani/pedi essentials, bath & body products, mini makeup selections, hair& makeup brushes -- and pay five bucks.
______________
ALSO! Sephora just launched SephoraClaus today where they will be granting one beauty wish per day (up to $150), until December 18. Get thee there!]]>
]]>
So I went online and ordered a bag of Charlie's Soap Powder, as it's one of the most universally recommended brands for cloth diapers. $15 for an 80-load bag at Amazon (buying two bags qualifies you for free shipping) comes to about 18 cents a load, compared to 26 cents a load for a comparable truly "green" detergent like Seventh Generation. PLUS, you actually don't use a full scoop or load's worth for diapers. You use maybe about half, if that, if you're doing a biiiiig stinky load. Thus an 80-load bag will actually wash about 160 loads of diapers. (We have an ancient top-loaders, but Charlie's is He-compatible as well.)
ANYWAY, long story short, we now use Charlie's Soap Powder exclusively, for all of our laundry. It is The Awesome. No fragrance, no residue, no build-up, no skin irritation. Our clothes just smell CLEAN. Like, CLEAN FABRIC. It's crazy that I'd actually forgotten what that smelled like, after years of Spring Meadow Blossom Breeze or whatever the hell. My husband (who also has severe problems with winter dry skin and fragrance irritation) is absolutely in love with it, and definitely thinks it's worth the little extra hassle of ordering vs. buying at Target. Luckily, since one bag lasts so long, even with full-time use, we're actually not buying detergent nearly as often as we used to, so remembering to re-order is not the Big Thing I feared it would be.
So, while Charlie's Soap has worked terrifically for us, you DO probably want to just start off slowly, with one bag, just in case. The instructions recommend sending a scoop through an empty wash cycle or two just to thoroughly rinse away any remnants of your old detergent. Then try it out on some of your stepdaughter's clothes -- Charlie's is recommended specifically for sensitive/eczema-prone skin AND infants' laundry, but of course that's no guarantee that NO ONE out there will have a reaction to it.
(I must also add how thoroughly charmed I am by the packaging of Charlie's -- it comes in a plain fabric sack, like something you pick up at a old timey general store, and on the topic of fragrance, the bag simply says: You want flowers, go pick some. HA!)
More Cloth Diaper Articles:
1) Cloth Diapering 101, Part One (aka Lazy Mom's Guide to Cloth Diapering)
2) Cloth Diapering 101, Part Two
3) Cloth Diapering 101, Part Three
4) The Straight Poop on Cloth Diapers (aka dealing with poop)
5) Cloth Diapering & The Older Baby
]]>
]]>
Photo from Milky Way Lactation
Hi Amy,
I'm a HUGE fan and plan to write you a separate gushing email soon about how your blog and various columns got me through my pregnancy. But for now, I have a question, and I'm sorry, it's really long! It may not be something you can answer, but I thought I'd give it a shot.
Two weeks ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I knew I wanted to breastfeed, and for the most part, it's gone very well. The most important thing is happening - the baby is totally thriving. She's a voracious eater and was up above her birth weight at her one-week doctor's checkup, without me having to supplement at all; my supply has been right on target. I am also lucky that both my mother and my mother-in-law breastfed and believe it in strongly, and my husband is a fan as well, so I have a lot of support and encouragement.
My problem is regarding nipple shields. The first time I fed her in the recovery room, she couldn't get latched on, but I chalked up a lot of that to my position at the time, as I was flat on my back being stitched up after a difficult vaginal birth (forceps, anyone? yes, please, and I'll have a fourth-degree tear on the side). Then in the postpartum room we tried again. At this point I had been up for about 26 hours and the very pushy nurse popped a nipple shield on me without really explaining why or what it was supposed to do, then put the baby on to feed. I went with it and things went okay in the hospital, although somewhat painful. I asked the lactation consultant who stopped by just before we checked out (and didn't really seem interested in answering our questions) about it, and she said something like "keep using it until you don't need to anymore" before leaving.
The next day at the first pediatrician visit, I talked to the lactation consultant there, who informed me that part of the extreme pain I felt when she latched on was probably due to the nipple shield I had being two sizes too small. She brought me a proper fitting one and told me I had inverted nipples, and again said something about working my way off the shield, but didn't really answer my questions about how and when to do that. Breastfeeding got less painful with the larger shield, but I still felt like something wasn't right, so I took matters into my own hands and scheduled a home visit with a THIRD lactation consultant from the Breastfeeding Center here in DC. She came over and was lovely, and got the baby to latch on without the shield, which we did successfully a few times. But it still hurt like hell right when she latched on, and that time and the times since that I've tried to feed her without the shield (which I have been able to do, and felt very proud of both of us), she's done a number on my nipples and made subsequent feedings more painful.
The nipple shield was not something covered in the breastfeeding class I took or any of the info that I read, so I felt totally blindsided by it and now like I'm completely dependent on it. The current status is that I'm still using it every feeding, and despite a few seconds of initial pain when she latches that I still have, 1-2 minutes later there's no pain at all, and the vast majority of the time I spend feeding her is downright pleasant. But while all three lactation consultants have advised me to get off the shield when I can, start by popping it off mid-feeding and get her latched on, etc., none of them will give me a straight answer of what will go wrong if I don't.
That's my question for you. Do you know if there are problems with just always using the nipple shield? What could the negative impact be on the baby? On me? Is there a time by which I don't get off of it, it will cause issues with feeding later or something? This damn piece of silicone has me SO stressed out, and I just don't feel ready to give it up yet. I may eventually, but for now, (1) my nipples are still raw, (2) my baby has a tiny mouth - she was pretty little and there's only so much areola she can take in to get a good latch, (3) my baby is also not a patient soul and screams when she's not fed rightthissecond, and latching without the shield usually takes multiple tries, and (4) I'm still hurting in other places from the delivery and just trying to avoid any extra pain when I can. I feel so guilty when I finish each feeding without even trying to do it without the shield, but I can't bring myself to let her tear me open again. What would be the downside of waiting until she has a bigger mouth and my nipples are more healed before trying again? Or just using it until I go back to work and she's drinking pumped milk from a bottle most of the time?
Thanks so much in advance for any advice you have.
~Anonymous
First, let me make one thing super clear: I am not a lactation consultant nor anything close to a breastfeeding expert. I also have zero personal experience with nipple shields or inverted nipples. In summary, I am the most woefully under-qualified person you could possibly take your question to.
Got it? Okay! Now let me ramble on for many more paragraphs.
From MY understanding, there are two "real" potential problems with long-term nipple shield use, hence all the pressure on you to wean your baby (and yourself) from it: First, they can cause supply problems, as your baby is unable to really suck deeply from your breast. Thus, she doesn't empty your boob, you produce less milk, you are at a higher risk for clogged ducts and mastitis, oh, joy.
The second problem can crop up when you introduce bottles. Your baby is already accustomed to the taste and feel of a silicone shield, and may more rapidly develop a preference for bottles, as they have the same feel in her mouth but don't require so much work on her part. As the mother of a kid with oral motor issues, I can attest that yes, this does happen, even without the shield. It's not insurmountable (I highly recommend using preemie-flow nipples instead of level ones), but combined with supply issues, it's also not something I'd wave away as not worth worrying about.
Of course, the supply issues/baby not getting all your milk are POTENTIAL problems. It certainly doesn't sound like you have any, with a chubby thriving baby. If you're concerned, you can always try pumping for five or 10 minutes after feedings -- this way you're guaranteed to make sure your boobs are empty (less risk of clogged ducts) AND sort-of trick your body into thinking you need to make more milk than you actually do. (And it's all a balancing act, as you don't want to veer into oversupply territory either. WTH, boobs.) If your daughter continues to gain weight and thrive, pee and poop after feedings, etc., you are likely making enough and she is likely getting enough, even with the shield.
The other problems I've seen listed as "cons" for nipple shields basically amount to: You should wean from nipple shields because it can be incredibly difficult to wean from nipple shields. Um. Okay then.
So. Onto the inverted nipple thing. If you aren't on a hospital-grade breast pump, get one. Watch your boobs in the shield and see if it's able to draw out the nipple. Even if it can't at first, from what I've read, it can with time, since flat and inverted nipples are often caused by adhesions that need to be broken. (OW. GOD. I AM SORRY.) If you see that the pump can pretty easily draw your nipples out, then it could be time to try going shield-less with your daughter again.
As for the pain: if you are able to get her to latch correctly, the pain WILL decrease and stop once your nipples heal -- though there is some overlap. However, if her latch is as bad as you make it sound, you will get trapped in a endless cycle of her mouth inflicting more damage to your nipples as soon as you heal. Waiting until she's a bit bigger and able to latch correctly (i.e. bypassing the nipple and getting her mouth around the areola instead) before ditching the shield is probably not going to be the end of the world, particularly if you're using a breast pump to offset any potential supply problems in the meantime. I would probably say it's still a good idea to occasionally whip the shield off mid-feeding (once your milk is really flowing and she's really into it), but definitely find some balance so you can stop stressing about this so much. Balance, and a prescription for some All-Purpose Nipple Ointment (APNO). It's the greatest stuff in the world. (OF ALL TIME!)
(Oh, and has anyone checked her out for a tongue-tie? Little flappy skin thing under her tongue? Have you seen her tongue stick out past her bottom lip? Or does it stay in her mouth and look like the top of a heart? Because MAN, that nonsense HURTS, and makes a good latch all but impossible.)
But...you know, I KNOW of women who never managed to get their babies weaned from the shield. It sometimes is a necessary evil for preemies and inverted nipples (though it sounds like your nurse really jumped the gun by giving you one, but hey, I don't think you're allowed to be a breastfeeding mother without having a story about some TERRIFICALLY BAD ADVICE you got from someone). You're feeding the baby. That's rule number one. Rule number two is to maintain your milk supply. That's where the shield MIGHT work against you, but it might not, and there might be other solutions to that problem if you encounter it on the shield. (Pumping, herbs, teas, Domperidone, etc.)
I'm guessing there are some readers out there who can chime in with some first-hand experiences with nipple shields and how to wean from one and what can happen if you don't. So I shall pass the microphone to them. Good luck.