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Victory!

Published 11.10.2006 | Permanent Link | Comments (50)

I’m too giddy to write something smart.

Seriously, this is a problem. I need a little anger, a smidgen of wrath, to get me going. I’ve been trying to formulate some coherent thoughts, but all my brain will do is hum little ditties to itself. I tried searching my heart, but all that’s in there is a saucer-eyed baby deer ambling around a clover-dotted meadow.

In other words, I’m fairly pleased about the election. The Democrats taking over, Rumsfeld resigning… oh, there goes that baby deer again. I want to kiss his knobby little knees. I will name him Skittles.

On top of it all, I get to enjoy listening to George Bush trying to make the best of his newly acquired lame-duck status. This is great, that we get to work together! I’ve always wanted one of them, what do you call them, bipartisan dealies! No, really, I’m totally into this!

And oh, the patronizing kudos to Nancy Pelosi, on being Girl Speaker: “This is historic for our country. And as the father of young women, it is -- I think it's important.” I think that’s a really nifty job for a lady to have. Women like to talk—boy howdy, I could tell you all about that—and they do enjoy managing a house. Look how far she’s taken her two skills!

But sadly, this is one time I’m forced to agree with President Bush. On top of this triple scoop of goodness with goodness-sprinkles, we have a female Speaker of the House. A woman is third in line for the presidency. And no matter how you feel about her politics, you have to agree that this is, indeed, historic.

I can’t say I was ever thoroughly impressed with Pelosi, but on the other hand, wow, does the right ever hate her, and I do enjoy that.They hate her in a way that makes their hatred of Hillary Clinton look like affectionate bemusement. And I’m fairly sure they have top-secret undercover operatives waiting to jab at Hillary Clinton with salad forks.

I understand their hatred, really, I do. Not only is Nancy Pelosi a woman, a woman with all kinds of power, she’s from San Francisco. And we all know what that means. It’ll be the Summer of Love, all over again. Under her leadership, the House will be swathed in batik. On her first day as Speaker, she will reveal her new look, which she will call Stevie Nicks But With Dignity. Small squares of blotter paper will be quietly slipped to all like-minded and/or groovy members. Her first act as Speaker will be the “Cash, Grass, or Ass” bill, which she will argue is of vital importance—noting that in today’s economy, no one rides for free. Small hand mirrors will provided to all congresswomen so that any of them can, at any moment, explore their innermost secret selves. Run, frightened conservatives, run!

These are, needless to say, not the scenarios I worry about (when I try to worry) when I imagine Nancy Pelosi as Speaker. I always thought she was a tad anemic as minority leader, and I’m hoping her newfound power helps to turn into the virulent ultra-lefty that the right wants everyone to believe she already is.

And you? Are you joining me in my victory-inspired idiocy? Or are you sad, and do you hate me and my stupid baby deer? You can tell me. Either way, I’ll be over here in my meadow, twirling away.


Comments (50):

Julie said:

OMG - I'm dying here!!

"Small hand mirrors will provided to all congresswomen so that any of them can, at any moment, explore their innermost secret selves" . . . brings out of the depths of my blocked memory a conversation with my Flower Power mother. Oh the horror to my little 11-year old self. You're suggesting I could do WHAT?!?!

Lest we forget, Speaker Pelosi's proposed Constitutional Ammendment to mandate Gay Marriage for all, should also send "Value Voters" running for the hills.

Posted on November 10, 2006 09:57

GraceD said:

Actually, dear Alice, I think Nancy Pelosi will bring San Francisco values of the Fabulous Gay Life variety to the House. George Bush had no idea what he was saying in suggesting that he'd send someone over to assist her with drapes. Please. Mme. Pelosi's constituents are duly insulted. Window treatments and so much more are covered, Mr. President. This is the New Aesthetic Order for America - innovative lighting (graceful 'Arco'lamps by Castiglioni), floral arrangements (no carnations, ever!) and superior grooming products (exfoliation for our lawmakers!) in the restrooms of our nation's Capitol.

Bring on the Queer Eye theme song! "All things just keep getting bettah!"

Posted on November 10, 2006 10:06

foodmomiac said:

smooches, to you AND the baby deer. :-)

Posted on November 10, 2006 10:37

Mandy said:

I'm giddy too. I've also realized I haven't felt this way in, oh, forever. I guess I feel hopeful, but it's such a new feeling I need some time to adjust. Meanwhile: Yipee! We won!

Posted on November 10, 2006 10:53

beammeup_00 said:

The problem, of course (not to burst the deer-bubble) is that ole W is still in the White House. Personally, I hope that Pelosi and Reid give more than lip-service to their "bi-partisan" talk. It's been a long time since anyone who mattered walked that walk. Wouldn't it be great to see actual civil debate of an issue (any issue!) leading to an agreement that delivered concrete results and value to the populace? Wait - where's my meadow?

Good thoughts. Why do I suspect that you might have a little steel glinting there in your mind hiding behind the the dainty words? I look forward to seeing you pull that out sometime. Who ya gonna cut?

- beammeup_00

Posted on November 10, 2006 11:27

Brooke said:

I have a baby deer of my own, and some kittens besides. I did the Electric Slide several times yesterday, at one point busting it out in the middle of a meeting with our new PR firm and the CEO, who do not seem to share my elation.

Posted on November 10, 2006 11:34

Constant Sun said:

Don't forget, Nancy Pelosi is orginally from Baltimore, which means she may also kick your ass in addition to draping you on batik. From a NY Times article yesterday: Mr. [Edward J.] Markey called Ms. Pelosi a liberal pragmatist: “San Francisco on the inside, Baltimore on the outside.”

Posted on November 10, 2006 14:56

Allyson said:

I'll be giddy with you, even though I'm not an American. Every Canadian I know is sick of hearing me blather on about the great news from down south!

Posted on November 10, 2006 16:30

Karianna said:

Politics make my head hurt.
Math is hard.
Where did I put the whipped cream?

Oh, and YAY DEMS! Show the world how to shake it, Nancy.

Posted on November 10, 2006 16:56

Mir said:

Skittles for president!

Posted on November 10, 2006 17:08

dorothy said:

Amen, amen, amen. It's like Christmas in November for Democrats. I held the little angel up to the television and explained that it's high time women got a little lovin' from the voters.

And then I went and peed on a Talent for Senator sign.

Posted on November 10, 2006 17:23

Rebecca said:

Believe me, traditional San Francisco values will go a long way toward relieving partisan frustration. For instance, does anyone else see a problem with passing out sex toys from Good Vibrations on the House floor between votes?

Posted on November 10, 2006 17:24

Beth in Michigan said:

I love it when you gloat! Yup, my glee is barely containable. If only my (stupid, racist) fellow Michiganders had not decided to ban affirmative action in our state, all would be sunshine and flowers!

Posted on November 10, 2006 17:52

betsy said:

No, I'm not pleased with the election - I'm very much a conservative.

However, I'm pleased that you're smiley and giddy, we all need that sometimes. Despite our political differences, I adore your imagery and I hope that Skittles will romp my way sometime! :-)

Posted on November 10, 2006 17:59

Mauigirl52 said:

I am equally ecstatic! LOL about your baby deer in the meadow. I haven't been this excited since President Clinton was first elected and everyone was up there dancing to "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow." I love elections where we win!

I am very glad about Nancy Pelosi being in power. She does have that San Francisco mindset but from what I have been reading about her (I never bothered to read up on her before because her coming to power seemed so unlikely) she is a practical politician and will work to accomplish things even if it means reaching "across the aisle" as the saying goes. And yet I don't think she'll compromise on any big liberal issues which is also good. (Clinton compromised too much..."don't ask, don't tell"??? Please...)

Posted on November 10, 2006 18:19

Jenny Meade said:

Oh, I'm with you, baby. We liberals here in Kansas can hardly stand it, we're so excited. We're even excited about the other side of the state line, and the Claire McKaskill win, even though it doesn't directly effect us Kansans. Take that, you conservative assholes!

Posted on November 10, 2006 20:26

Fairly Odd Mother said:

O So Happy Here. Listening to Bushie talk about 'working together' makes me snicker.

Posted on November 10, 2006 21:56

See_Dub said:

I've had Vengaboys' "We Like to Party" running through my head since Tuesday night, and right now I'm thinking Skittles could bust-a-move to that tune. Little head bobbin', wobbly legs all over the place... How great would that be?

Since I'm married to a Republican and surrounded by red-staters here in this (still) red state, I've tried to be gracious. It's just impossible to avoid gloating when I've got my own little party going on in my head. "Happiness is just around the corner..."

Posted on November 10, 2006 22:55

Elizabeth said:

Oh yeah, I'm giddy over here too, although I haven't busted out the Electric Slide. I don't know that much about Nancy Pelosi but I intend to pay attention. Could a female President be next? Is it more likely now to happen in our lifetime? I certainly hope so.

Posted on November 10, 2006 23:57

Sara said:

I must admit that I nearly lost my voice whooping! in the car, listening to NPR recite the victories on election night. In Oregon, there was a long string of happy announcments, and I felt a lot like Howard Dean with his fateful "yee haw." It is the first time I've been this excited about our political situation, and I hope I continue feeling okay about living here.

Posted on November 11, 2006 00:14

illnana said:

I'm incredibly baby deerish about the election results. I have taken such joy with listening to Sean Hannity cry and whine and sound his battle horn right before he cries some more. I love it. I had the misfortune of hearing him gloat after Bush won in 2004, and listening to him now has been such a wonderful thing. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
TAKE THAT HANNITY-SHMANNITY!!!

You know what else I'm amped about? And it's sick and cruel, I know, but I'm amped about sweet, hot Britney finally leaving K-Fed! I feel bad delighting in someone else's divorce misfortune, but gah, I just can't help it. Britney will rise again!! I'm a little drunk. Sorry.

Posted on November 11, 2006 00:18

M. Kennedy said:

Excellent restrained gloating, Alice. Because we still have 800 days of Bush left to go. Also, two thumbs up for Grace's comment from the left coast.

Posted on November 11, 2006 12:34

Flydaddy said:

I, for one, hope that the flowery bipartisan crap IS just lip service. I want to see some stilettos on throats. We didn't elect y'all to NOT roll some heads!

Posted on November 11, 2006 19:57

Jenny said:

I've been breaking out into awkward, behind the hand giggles for the last few days. And someone who looks very much like me did "the cabbage patch" while watching elections results coverage.

Posted on November 11, 2006 20:06

Belinda said:

Twirl away, Darling, like freaking Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. It's time.

Posted on November 11, 2006 22:00

Christina said:

I ranted a tiny bit about this article from the Washington Post... there was a full page spread on Pelosi's wardrobe. About how wonderful she looks when she dresses the part. Give me a break.

Posted on November 12, 2006 09:45

Miss Fire said:

I can't wait to see how the glorious liberals change Amerika with all their peace, love, understanding…and unmitigated shared misery.

Twenty years from now, IF the Dems stay in power, we'll all be taxed, regardless of income, at 65% - but that’s okay because no one should be wealthy and the government should will provide us with everything we need. We'll all be living in tenements reminiscent of communist Russia – but that’s ok because no one’s house should be bigger than anyone else’s. Everyone will have the same pathetic public school education – but that’s ok because no child should be left behind. Your co-pay for your new heart will be zero but you'll be dead before it's your turn to receive it – but that’s okay because that will kill off all the evil rich. And last but not least, our daughters will be wearing burkhas.

The good side – abortion will still be legal, so that means more aborted liberals. Gay marriage will be legal so that means no procreating liberals (sperm + egg, remember?). Unless they use stem cells from the dead fetuses to create children…..damn.

Oh, why do I bother? You won't approve this comment anyway, will you? C'mon, post it, Alice. Stir it up a little. Afraid of a little confrontation?

Posted on November 12, 2006 14:40

alice said:

I've been DYING for some confrontation, Miss Fire, although I was rather hoping for some rational confrontation.

I don't even know where to start with this one. I believe "no child left behind" wasn't an idea that the Democrats thought up. And are all liberals gay? I had no idea! I better go tell my husband.

Posted on November 12, 2006 16:52

Lisa C. said:

I gotta agree with a poster above: watching the conservative claptraps (Hannity, O'Reilly, and a couple of others on Faux News) piss and moan has been THE BEST PART of this whole election.

I was just thinking recently that these types of shows, and that type of "reporting" that had been the result of 12 years of a Republican Congress and 6 years of Republican Congress + Bush, the supreme constitutional destroyer... well, to watch them now having to eat their words... Oh it is delicious. Skittles, indeed.

I think my favorite one was a panel show that was on the day after the election (before the Dems took the Senate as well, but after Rummy the Dummy resigned). One guy was hell bent blaming the WHOLE WAR on Rumsfeld and Cheney and asserting that Bush had been led down the garden path by those two. Then the rest of the panel just sat there looking vaguely uncomfortable until someone else piped up with, "Well with Rumsfeld gone, who will be the next puppet master? If Bush was just following along, surely he needs someone else to follow." Then the guy who said that Bush was a follower had to backpedal for like, five minutes, on how Bush was his own man and would never bow to anyone. It was priceless.

Posted on November 12, 2006 18:17

Shannon said:

I've just found you in the last couple of days. Beautiful post, absolutely hysterical - and you said you needed a bit of angst to get going. Not much else to say as you're singing to the choir, but love the imagery.

Posted on November 12, 2006 20:57

Donna S said:

Elections always remind me of the man who, after spending 24 hours each in hell and then heaven, made the choice to spend eternity in hell because it looked like so much more fun there -- lifelong friends, golf, fishing, excellent food and wines. Upon his return to hell he was dismayed to find it nothing like the charming life he thought he'd chosen, and asked the Devil to explain. "Aah," said the Devil, "you must understand that yesterday I was campaigning for your soul. Today, my friend, you voted."

I will keep anxious watch for campaign promises to be kept.

Posted on November 13, 2006 00:36

Langley Allbritton said:

This is great! I'm so pleased you started this site. It's just what a gal needs to keep abreast of current events. Plus, I haven't been able to find The Daily Show in Singapore yet, so you're the new highlight of my day!

Posted on November 13, 2006 05:09

Southern Sue said:

The Dems have the next two years to put up or shut up. Let's see if they will look forward to correcting the "wrongs" or backward to "punish the wrongdoers." I would love to have a real statesman lead the country, but since they seem to have more sense than to run for political office, we are left do live with those who rule by ego - no matter what party.

Posted on November 13, 2006 08:17

angela said:

Yeah. You know it is a real shame that there won't be more aborted republicans. Hmm...perhaps them democrats in control can make that mandatory.

On a more serious note (I guess) I always wonder what makes people think that gay marriages will result in no children. I have been married in my own way for nearly 6 years now and I plan to get knocked-up as soon as The Mrs. gets her Masters Degree.

We are actually planning to have anywhere from 2-4 kids from adoption or insemination.

Don't think I am the minority either because nearly all of my coupled gay friends either plan to have children or already do.

Great post, Alice!

Posted on November 13, 2006 11:51

missbanshee said:

Oh Alice, how I love you. I've had that godawful "Beautiful Day" song going through my head since Tuesday, and my happy dance cannot be contained. Let the haters rant, it's so fun when they twitch like that!

Posted on November 13, 2006 12:53

GraceD said:

Oh dear, Miss Fire. You could definitely use a good exfoliation product. May I recommend the Murad Exfoliating Fruit Enzyme Mask? You'll love it ("LOVE IT!" in my best inner gay guy squeal) as the papaya and pineapple enzymes aids in dissolving dead skin cell accumulation, resulting in radiant skin. Once you've achieved this lovely facial glow, you'll relax, lighten up and realize that all will be well, there will be no grim Moscow tenements, and we'll certainly have no Burkhas covering our sassy highlights.

Peace and love to you from the San Francisco Bay Area.

Posted on November 13, 2006 13:00

christine from canada said:

first time visitor (linked from finslippy) and gotta say: i just love spying on you americans and trying to de-tangle your political system. i don't have a clue how one gets to be speaker of the house, but if it's finally a woman (of any political stripe) in the position, then let me add my long 'n loud YAHOO! go USA!

Posted on November 13, 2006 19:39

Ellen said:

We're still dancing at our house... we live in Virginia, and we were on pins and needles until George Allen conceded.

Posted on November 14, 2006 07:30

Glennia said:

I have to add that my husband and I did a little dance of joy chanting "Nancy Pelosi! Nancy Pelosi!" when we heard. Our six year old joined in and then said, "What's a nancy pillow see?"

Great post!

Posted on November 14, 2006 13:00

Vikki said:

I just had to post one little correction to a previous comment...gays and lesbians most certainly do procreate. Haven't you heard of the Gayby Boom? I am a proud lesbian mom to two. I am doing my part to fill the world with lefties.

Posted on November 14, 2006 16:10

Kate said:

I don't think you know very mcuh about Pelosi or national politics.
She voted for the Secure Fence Act of 2006, she voted for Unborn Victims of Violence Act, she voted for “No Child Left Behind Act”, all of which got her critized in her own party. If you're going to write on current events, try to brush up. Read a newspaper or something. This column was cute, but so?

Posted on November 14, 2006 23:19

Justite said:

Miss Fire,

I cannot tell you how terrible it is living in Sweden, a very Socialist country (we shall not mention it ranks #5 on the global Standard of Living list). Let me just enumerate a few of the reasons I believe it is destroying the *very fabric* of civilization.

1. I pay 42% of my wages in tax, yet I still bring home more than many of my American counterparts. It is a travesty, I tell you.

2. A visit to the doctor (GP) costs me Eight (8) of your American dollars. And sometimes I must wait a whole ten (10) days to get in! Shocking.

3. Petrol prices are really quite outrageous. If the Swedish government would just take some of *my* tax funds it insists on spending for shiny new trains and new metro lines (damn that well organised public transport system *shakes fist*) and shave off some of the petrol tax, I could drive aimlessly for hours.

4. Mothers can take up to two (2) years off for maternity leave (actually, the leave can be divided between both parents however they see fit, but we all know only effete men would ever stay home with the kids) and be guaranteed the same level position and salary when they rejoin the work force. What a waste and a drain on the work force. (I won't even talk about subsidised day care)

5. Oh, all of the money thrown away on care of the elderly. It is shameful, really, when there are so many young(er) people who could use those tax funds in their own pockets to buy iPods and chewing gum.

I can't go on. Just thinking about all of this ... this ... INJUSTICE and obvious abuse by the government has given me a migrane.

Posted on November 15, 2006 06:31

alice said:

Wow, Kate. Strangely enough, I'm aware of Nancy Pelosi's politics. I was hoping the comments would engender discussion about her, and I'm sure there's a better way you could have done that. You should try reading an etiquette book, or brush up on your social skills.

Posted on November 15, 2006 08:35

meghan said:

"I've been DYING for some confrontation, Miss Fire, although I was rather hoping for some rational confrontation." Tee hee.

I love a lively discussion, but my ears shut down when bullies make laughable attempts at bullying under the guise of discourse.

I was equally giddy with the outcome of the election and I love your take on it.

Posted on November 15, 2006 12:18

Justite said:

BTW Alice, my apologies for hijacking your blog. It is just strange that there are many ill informend people in the US who think responsible social programmes equate Soviet communism.

Posted on November 15, 2006 12:20

Kate said:

Why do I need an lesson in manners to post on a forum on the internet? You're paid to write about news of the day, and I pointed out that you didn't seem to really know very much about Pelosi's voting record--it's not a tea party at a private club. Discussion is discussion. Since Pelosi has successfully voted on both sides of the aisle, she must value longevity over party loyalty, don't you think?

Posted on November 16, 2006 00:33

Graced said:

Kate, please. You really must review your own take on national politics. Pelosi's voting record reflects what has been happening to the Democratic party since 1993 - the left began to edge towards the center. And what happened in 1993, Kate? It was the dawn of the Clinton presidency, 8 years of moderate Democrat governance and a full swing to the center for the entire party. That's what you're seeing in Pelosi's and most Democrats voting records. Sure, we can play your game of picking and choosing voting indiscretions for a given legislator all day. That's a typical Fox News ploy and a common as dirt tactic for any number of neo-con bloggers and right wingnut talk show hosts. It's all pulled out of context in an attempt to rattle and reel.

By the way, if you check the congressional voting records (I highly recommend Project Vote Smart), you'll see that Barney Frank voted for the Secure Fence Act, as well.

Now, listen up everyone. You all need some schooling about this so-called San Francisco mindset/politics/orientation, what have you. This is not wussy land out here, people. Our voters wisely choose full blooded, hardly "anemic" legislators for our San Francisco Bay Area communities. California US Senators Boxer and Feinsten are women who sharpened their political fangs as local Bay Area elected officials. These politicos rose to considerable heights, ending up in high visibility positions on powerful committees, i.e, Senate Foreign Relations Committee (Boxer), Senate Judiciary Committee (Feinstein). Pelosi, whose political career began in San Francisco (not in Baltimore) is cut out of the same cloth.

Political issues in our neck of the woods are hardly lightweight. Though our legislators may lead the battle for gay rights, access to abortion, and other progressive goals, they're also duking it out on the Congressional/Senate floor about the closure of our local major military bases, big time corporate tax issues (hello! Silicon Valley is right here), and the complex problems of the undocumented workers/illegal aliens.

I know - all this from the same commenter who got giddy over the prospect that excellent skincare products may now be introduced into the congressional washrooms. But, that's the way it goes out here - we're nicely moisturized and exfoliated, yet we're paying close attention to the difficult road ahead. There is much to be undone that has been woefully screwed up by the Bush Administration. The best thing that has happened to this country is that we now have the iron ovaries of House Speaker Pelosi to lead us out of these messes.

Posted on November 16, 2006 05:02

alice said:

What Grace said. (Thank you, Grace.) I'm going to go finish my crumpets.

Posted on November 16, 2006 08:12

Krisco said:

I am so giddy and happy. Baby deer hadn't occurred to me, but the rest of the country finally wising up to the heinous actions of this administration and it's Yes Men government and throwing them the hell out - well it makes sense to me. I feel like I - and more importantly all the people who actually have tv shows or newspaper columns or big blogs - have been shouting into the wind and finally - finally - someone turned off the wind machine and everyone got it. Thank God.

Posted on November 21, 2006 21:48

Scout's Honor said:

Hi! My name is Scout's Honor and I'm a Republican.

So I have to admit I was glad my party lost power. Now, there is a clear mandate for the Democrats to take some responsibility. They too supported the war at first, but, my, did they become whores of electoral polling!

Now, with the Democrats having the majority, they need to put up or shut up. They ran against how the war was going, but had few solutions other than a definite pull out time line. Well, don't you think the extremists and terrorists read these policies and watch debates too? These fanatics will hold out until your well-communicated, premature but popular withdrawal, and then all those American lives gone, all those Afghani boys killed, all the terrible damage... ALL those young lives gone in a terrible blink of the eye and everything so voraciously fought for will be for naught.

Let's make those lives worth something. I want my friends out of harms way as much as anyone, but people, let's think beyond our toddler attention-spans and let's stretch beyond the patience of teenager getting laid for the first time. Let’s fight the hard fight.

For now, I eagerly await the solutions of the new Democrat power base. It's been pretty quiet since the election. Bring it on!

I just can't believe "Nay-Sayer" Nancy Pelosi, from my own state, will be the Senate Majority leader. Gag! Yep, we Republicans do hate her equally with Hillary Clinton. Having lived in the San Francisco area most of my life, I must say Feinstein and Boxer are almost as high on my list of evil liberal wenches. I'd love to see Condi take them on in a fight of intelligence, words, fists, doesn't matter. My bets would be on Condi.

Condi for President!

Posted on December 1, 2006 12:02

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